A Good, Good Life

So, no offense to the three regular readers of Spicy Food Guy and his gallant posts about delicious eating, but today is turned over to some guy named "Joe", who wants to write about his 30th high school reunion.  Something about another commencement speech.  Whatever.

Welcome and good evening, Class of 1981.  

It was 30 years ago that I last addressed you as a group.  Back then, I was one of three students elected by the faculty to give a commencement address.  Your friends and family were here.  Do you remember that I spoke or what I said?  

That's OK, neither do I.  Something full of arrogance and piss and vinegar.  Pretentious, as I recall. Wishful.  But I don't remember the details (any of it, actually), and neither do you.  I remember the party afterwards, but that one is in the vault.  A conversation for another time.

So, through the magic of the internet, we are all gathered again.  Not the cavernous arena we gathered in the last time, but a place like it.

Look beside you, right and left.  First thing we notice is some empty seats.  We didn't all make it, here in the land of the living.  Some of us have gone on to the Great Mystery.  We miss them, those that have passed on.  We wish them restful peace.  A moment of silence.

So my remarks will begin.  A word about our generation.

For those in the audience from the Media, I use the word generation loosely.  I am addressing the class of 1981, born in '62 or '63, but I am also giving or taking a few years.  The classes that graduated 6 or 8 years behind us?  They count.  Hard to know the specifics of who I call my generation, who doesn't, where the boundaries lay.  You media are a pedantic bunch; I will not be held to your labels or standards.  That's one of the good things about us, but we will get to that.

Here is what I know.  The Census people, the ones who count stuff, established the back end of  the Baby Boomer generation just a year or two before we were born.  The Baby Boomer  generation boasted Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, both Clintons.  Not us.

A generation behind us came the internet.  Mark Zuckerberg, born in 1984, invented Facebook. We watched the start of Netflix and eBay.  But it wasn't us.

If you weren't paying attention, you'd think we haven't done much.  You might call us boring.  If the generations from the past 70 years had a party, my generation would be cut off at the door by a velvet rope.  "Sorry", the bouncer would say in that furiously unapologetic way that bouncers do, "your name isn't on the list.  You can't come in"

I think there is some stuff you should know, and you need to listen to me now.

Operation Desert Storm, 1991 or so, the first war we had fought as a nation in two decades?  We fought in that.

9/11?  Hit when we, my generation, were about to upgrade our houses and careers and take our turn at the American Dream.  We put that stuff off.  Those kids who were shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan the next ten years?  Those were our kids.

Do you know the three worst recessions in the past 30 years?  One in the early 80's, one in the early 90's, when we were entering the workforce.  The third?  The really awful recession, the great recession?  That happened in 2007, at the height of my generation's earnings years.  We were laid off, or, at best, watched our 401Ks fall to half value.  Let's face it:  when Social Security has to own up and say some poor future US Generation is going to have to take a smack in the face and take out less than they paid in, who do you think it's going to be?  I will tell you who it will be: me and my classmates.  

Let me speak tonight to the members of the media who think we might be complaining.  Have you heard this from us before?  Has the Class of 1981 gone and picketed Congress?  No.  We have not.  Want to know why?

Because we are not a complaining generation.  

We work hard.  We love dogs.  We love our spouses and kids and our homes.  We love Diners and Sports Bars and Cold Beer.  We would drive a far piece for really good Ice Cream.  We eat hot dogs with mustard during ball games.  We sing the baseball anthem during the 7th inning stretch and sing the National Anthem at the beginning of football games.  We cheer the band and wave flags.  We watch fireworks.  We ride roller coasters and scream like babies at the spooky parts of scary movies.  We celebrate our life's events at picnic tables at State Parks.  We hug our Moms and our daughters on their birthdays.  We take our sons fishing and bowling.

And let me tell the media another thing.  You praise another generation, the kids in their teens and twenties.  You call them generous and tolerant.  You go on and on about how they give hours to the community, how they don't discriminate about religion or ethnicity.  You marvel about how they accept homosexuality, how big their hearts are.

The Class of 1981 has a quiet message for you.  Those kids?  Those are our kids.  You think we are some passive do nothing generation?  Who has raised better kids in the past 100 years of our nation's history?  Not to be an ass, here at my 2nd commencement speech, but I really do think it is time for the media to shut the hell up.  

I will get off my soapbox now.

30 years ago when I gave you the big speech I didn't know all the stuff I just said.  I underestimated our collective character.  I simply did not know the size of your hearts.

So more specifically, now I talk to you, Milford Class of 1981.

We start with accountability.  The Popular Pretty Girls of the Class of 1981 made the reunion all possible.  The Class Officers are charged with delivering our reunions.  They elected not to do so.  I am certain our Class Officers have very big and important jobs in 2011.  They have not delivered a reunion to date.  Not in 1991, not in 2001, not 2011.  On this I will comment no further.

So the Popular Pretty Girls stepped up.  They have always stepped up.  Remember those big signs on the walls of the high school they worked on for hours to cheer our team on to some victory for some random sport and we thought it was because they were snotty and superficial?

Turns out they had school spirit. Real school spirit.  And big hearts and genuine souls.  

And I missed it.           

Thirty years from when we graduated, the Popular Pretty Girls made sure we had a homecoming.  And for us Nerdy Guys, who were deathly afraid of the the Popular Pretty Girls and their ilk?

Turns out the Pretty Popular Girls are nice.  Big time nice.  And have real class spirit.  And good husbands who are funny.  And 30 years ago I made a lot of false assumptions that these girls were stuck up and pretentious.  I was wrong then.  I will not be wrong again.

At one point in the evening, one of the Pretty Popular Girls pointed out that if some of us Nerdy Guys had just asked, maybe some dates would have happened back there in '80 or so.  I appreciate the gesture, but 30 years clouds judgment.  So to you, Pretty Popular Girl who hinted so, I think at prom time you had better options than a 6'2'' 128lb walking stick of bones and skin.  Wayyyyyy better options.  But thanks for making me think I had it in me at the time.  And thanks even more for organizing the evening. And thanks most of all for making me realize what a lovely person you are.  I wish I could have said thank you in June of 1981.

And then there were the Non-Popular Girls of my class.  The Non-Popular Girls were a little plain or a little overweight or a little whatever.  And now their souls shine like stars.  They volunteer at Hospice or Special Olympics and kings should bow at their feet.  Real kings.  

Sometimes we hung out 30 years ago when it was convenient for me and sometimes I ignored you. I didn't deserve your friendship back then and I probably do not deserve it now.  To repeat a phrase I recently used, your hearts are so big you could never be anything but beautiful.  If I had a brain in my head in 1981 I would have asked you to Prom.  Shame on me for not doing so.

Also at our reunion were the Scary Guys.  Jocks and fighters who kicked ass and tied guys like me in knots and hung us from the ropes in the gym.  Thanks for being normal and funny and not locking us in the bathroom at the reunion.  Your hearts are genuine and you are stand up guys and you have rescued a female classmate or two from bad situations.  I will always envy you.

Lastly, to the Nerdy Guys.  We know who we are, even if it took us 30 years to dance with a cheerleader. 

We have done well.

Some of us tried to be be brave.  We jumped out of C130's and called ourselves Paratroopers.  Or we worked as DJ's or media producers and made ourselves specialists at what we do.  One of us fought Aaron Pryor, Welterweight Champion of the World, for 3 rounds before getting knocked out.  

So this is the get tough generation.  We spit blood and stagger up and say who the hell are you?  

But a tough generation is not a mean generation.  You could tell from the reunion.  We are an affectionate bunch.  We are inclined to turn our faces to the sun.  

A reunion with the class of 1981 is sort of like going to an autumn fest.  The cold air is setting in, but for a moment we turn our heads to a fading sun and soak in the warmth.  We linger there, we  turn our faces to the west, we breathe in the last of the sunshine.

In our hands is a cup of hot cider is a little shot of something something.  We sip it.  We grin a bit.

I love my class.  I love our affection, our hand shakes, our hugs, and our defiance.  This is my class.  These are my people.  I didn't always know how important that was to me.  I won't miss it again.

Thanks to all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZhQOvvV45w


    

Chipotle Goat Cheese Scramble

Years from now, when the Chipotle Goat Cheese Scramble is an everyday offering on Diner menus all throughout the United States, Spicy Food Guy's three regular readers will say with certainty, "I remember when SFG conjured up that heavenly scramble in his spicy little brain, back in 11, it was."

Female members of the SFG Family were at the Farmer's Market last week, and they bought local organic eggs, fresh berries, and, get this, some Chipotle Goat Cheese from the River View Dairy.

Sam and Susie Byler, who own the small dairy (45 goats), market their various goat cheeses to high end places like the Pittsburgh Whole Foods and to very intelligent Chefs in the Steel City.  The Byler's are goat cheese sages.  Mixing chipotle spices with goat cheese?  Where'd that come from?  Potion class?  Maybe the Byler's are Wizards that specialize in goat cheese; that would certainly explain a lot.    

But Spicy Food Guy Digresses.

Saturday morning.  SFG wanted breakfast.  A random poke through of the Fridge revealed some possibilities:  Chipotle goat cheese, organic eggs, applewood smoked bacon, Memphis Mojo Hot Sauce.  All of this provided the platform for Spicy Food Guy's epiphany of culinary creativity.  Trust SFG when he say's you really, really, really want to try this:

Recipe:

Two strips of applewood smoked bacon, fried until crispy
Two slices of River View Dairy Chipotle Goat Cheese
Two organic eggs
Scotch Bonnet Hot Sauce (SFG prefers Memphis Mojo) to taste.  

Cube the goat cheese, and place the pieces on a breakfast plate so they cover an area about the size of the palm of your hand.

In a frying pan, cook two eggs over easy, being careful not to break the yolks.  Place the eggs directly on top of the goat cheese.  Crumble the two strips of bacon on top of the eggs.  Slather the whole thing with the Memphis Mojo hot sauce or another Scotch Bonnet hot sauce.  Note the Scotch Bonnet pepper brings the dish's flavor palette together.  Do not substitute.

Take a deep breath.

Take a fork, break the yolks, and mix all that stuff together until you have a nice, gooey, yolky scramble.  Serve with a slice of toast.  Use the toast to mop up all the good parts you can't get on a fork.  Then face Pittsburgh and hail Spicy Food Guy because that damn breakfast kicked ass.

Peace out.
   
    

Cajun and Kobe in the Arizona Desert

For reasons best left unknown to the general public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world.  This time SFG was engaged in a quick flyby of Phoenix, Arizona, with only a day or so to try out the local cuisine.

Fortunately for Spicy Food Guy, his accommodations were located right across the street from Baby Kay's Cajun Kitchen.  Let's just say it didn't take long for SFG to determine where he was headed for dinner.

SFG knows how to eat out when he is by himself on the road.  Roll up the sleeves.  Sit at the bar.  Quaff the local microbrew.  On draft.  Spread out.  Eat big.  SFG  knocked down the Cajun Combination, a cup each of seafood gumbo, crawfish etouffee, and chicken and sausage jambalaya.  Plus coleslaw.  And garlic bread.   The gumbo was particularly good: earthy broth and tender chunks of shrimp and other seafood.

The more interesting part of the trip began the next day, when Spicy Food Guy's services were needed at the Phoenician, located in Scottsdale, Arizona.  The Phoenician, by any standard, is one of the stateliest and most elegant resorts anywhere in the US.  It doesn't just exude wealth, it exudes the look and feel of America's wealthiest.  Think the Greenbrier in WV, or The Breakers in Palm beach, FL.

Spicy Food Guy read a book once, Conspiracy of Fools, an accounting of the rise and fall of the Enron Corporation.  At the height of Enron's power and prestige, the Company had their annual executive offsite at the Phoenician.  As Spicy Food Guy surveyed his surroundings, he could just picture Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow striding across the marble and granite bridges that crisscross the swimming pools.  They would be sporting expensive sunglasses and wearing their arrogant infallibility like a tailored suit of Armani armor.  With blazing blue skies and a resort that backs up against the stark Camelback Mountain, it is just a given that the Phoenician houses Captains of Industry.  SFG swears you can smell corporate deals in the air.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Since it was warm outside and SFG lives in a cold place, he elected to eat lunch at the Oasis Pool Bar and Grill.  Spicy Food Guy decided to try the Kobe burger because he hadn't had one before and the Japanese beef is said to be second to none.

No lie on the Kobe.  It's juicy, flavorful, a burger's burger.  And poolside at the Phoenician is a damn fine place to try one's first Kobe.      

As delicious as the burger was, SFG is simply not a Kobe guy.  Or a Phoenician guy.  SFG would just as soon knock back a hot dog and brew at a baseball game.  Preferably at PNC Park.  There are places you go and marvel at the beauty and wealth, and there are cities you live in that slowly capture your heart, and you come to love it there.  That's home, baby.  Home. 

A Fabulous Breakfast Sandwich at the Place You Never Go To

You know that dive restaurant you have driven by 248 times on your way to somewhere else and said to yourself "sometime I need to stop and eat at that place" but you never do?  Spicy Food Guy ate there.  And you are missing it, because it's pretty good.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Spicy Food Guy was having lunch.  But not just any lunch.  The very best kind of lunch.  SFG was joined by not only his lovely daughter home from college, but also the boy, who is finishing his freshman year at Mt Lebo High School and just had golfed 20 strokes better than his Dad.  On nine holes.  He is really good, I suck.  I have come to peace with that.

Time was not long ago when the three of us ate together all the time.  As a divorced Dad who had his kids over every other weekend, the three of us ate out all the time as a matter of course.  Eating out removed us from my (then) tiny apartment and gave us some bonding time.  Back then our eating out was a matter of convenience, now it's a treasure.  I suppose it was a treasure back then, too, but I missed it.  SFG supposes that this is the manner of things; we miss the treasures in front of us.  A daughter's laugh, a perfectly cooked over easy egg, the boy's smile, laughing.  Treasures.  SFG sees them much better now, these moments to be savored.  

So back to the diner SFG had driven by so many times.  Tom's.  Great place.  Spicy Food Guy had the breakfast sandwich that has gyro meat, egg, and cheese on Italian toast.  Tasty!  Really good.  To the point SFG wondered why he had never seen, much less eaten, one before.  The girl had pancakes.  The boy wolfed down eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast.  The boy is ravenous, all the time.  You have to watch your fingers.

So here's the thing.  Spicy Food Guy has kids he does not deserve.  They are wicked smart.  The two of them have posted up 24 years of education, with maybe a B or two on 98 report cards.  Everything else an "A".  Since they came from a broken home, they should have issues, right?  Instead, both of them are caring, kind, quick to comfort others, funny, good people to be around.  They get lead roles in plays, get elected class officers, they are beloved. 

SFG is not.  Spicy Food Guy is cantankerous, grumpy, intimidating.  Spicy Food Guy caved into peer pressure in high school and made bad decisions that hurt good people (my apologies, PF, wherever you are).  SFG still sucks at stuff.  SFG doesn't have half the character of his kids, and he is twice and a half their age.

Spicy Food Guy ponders all this.  He is either a fabulous parent beyond measure (unlikely), or random shit has occurred in the universe that has blessed him with the best of children.  Or maybe all that is moot and we all just grab a good diner breakfast when we can, because it's all finite.  The stars, the laughs, the sunrises, walruses, anxiety-ridden dogs, and bad golf outings.  Breathe it in.  Embrace what you can.  SFG senses his mortality, and he's ok with it. 

Peace out.  

Hot and Juicy Crawfish

So Spicy Food Guy has been out of commission for a while, but a recent trip to our nation's capital drove him out of his retirement.  Explanations to follow.

But let's start with one of the best meals, all time, SFG has ever eaten.  Crawfish, baby.  Two pounds of crawfish.  In spicy garlic butter sauce.  Served in a plastic bag.  With spicy fries.  And a couple of Budweisers.  At a place called Hot & Juicy Crawfish in Washington DC.  Spicy melt in your mouth goodness.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Spring break, 2011.  The first step on our trip from Pittsburgh is the Summit Diner in Somerset PA.  SFG gorged on the Scrapyard, a combination of hash browns, scrapple, two eggs sunny side up, and cheddar cheese.  Pricetag of something like $4.50.  Best value meal ever.  The scrapple, which is not easy to find outside PA, was the perfect crunch to mix in the eggs and potatoes.  Great start.

Another terrific meal was the Applewood Bacon Scramble at the Open City Diner just north of downtown DC.  Two eggs sunny side up, applewood bacon, and aged white Vermont cheddar cheese all mixed together with grits on the side.  Outstanding.  Almost as good was a six ounce ribeye steak with three sunny side eggs at the Woodley Cafe, right up the street from the Open City Diner.  

Big time eating because SFG was big time walking.  Treasury tour, Ford's Theater, the Smithsonian.

March of 2010, the Smithsonian Natural History Museum opens a new exhibit called Human Origins, a 15,000 square foot space devoted to our beginnings.  Spicy Food Guy, a history buff by design, is fascinated by Human Origins.  At some point, somewhere, we started cooking with fire.  We started painting pictures.  We wrote.  Sentience.  

Even though it's a busy place, the Human Origin exhibit invites silence, thoughtfulness.  Spicy Food Guy ponders; we each get a brief turn on this planet, then we become exhibits.  In two thousand years, my life will be a mystery to some kid touring some museum.  What will he think of us?  

Spicy Food Guy is not sure, but he can chronicle.  He can write down what he sees, what he smells, what he eats.  So it's time to take up the blog again.  SFG is back.

We ate crawfish kid.  They are probably extinct in your era.

Too bad, because they kicked ass.  They were the balls.

Peace out. 

Best BBQ in Nashville and Four Meals with Pork. In a Row.

Spicy Food Guy and Great Guy Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (GGCSFG) had a full rack of ribs.

As a side.

After BBQ we went out for ice cream.  Spicy Food Guy had two dips of Tennessee Fudge in a Chocolate Chip Cookie Cone.  It was that kind of trip.  But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Nashville, Tennessee.

The trip didn't begin as a BBQ orgy, but decadence has a way of gathering momentum.  This is especially true when the decadence has to do with ribs, pulled pork, bacon, and Texas sausage.  But Spicy Food Guy is getting ahead of himself again.

The origin of the BBQ binge took place at the Brookwood Farms North Carolina BBQ Pit at the Charlotte airport early in the afternoon.  During his layover, SFG happily knocked off a pulled pork sandwich with slaw and vinegar based BBQ sauce, baked beans, and a bottle of Budweiser.  Pretty sane BBQ consumption at this particular point in the trip.

Then the party went to Nashville and a couple of locals recommended Jacks BarBQue as the undisputed favorite among true BBQ enthusiasts.  Jacks has won two or three zillion awards, including "Best BBQ Sauce on the Planet" in 2004.  After tasting all eight or so homemade sauces that Jacks serves on premises, SFG agrees that the sauce is heavily competitive in planetary circles, and it's even in the realm of possibility that when the aliens land, they will want to go to Jacks.  But Spicy Food Guy digresses again.

SFG and GGCSFG went to Jacks with several other Food Enthusiast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FECSFG).  The food at Jack's is served cafeteria style, and the line is long.  Orders must be placed quickly.

Spicy Food Guy decided on the three meat platter.  $13.  Really.  SFG picked the pork shoulder, ribs, and Texas sausage.  SFG also stuck with slaw and baked beans as tried and true BBQ sides.  However, because only two or three ribs came with the three meat platter, Spicy Food Guy fretted that there would be a rib shortage at the table.  That's when SFG and GGCSFG decided on the full rack of ribs as a side dish strategy.  Brilliant.

So this was Spicy Food Guy's tray -- 3 meat platter with beans, slaw, and bread.   A plate with a full rack of ribs.  Eight little plastic cups of every BBQ sauce that Jacks served.  And two beers.  Now this may sound a little over the top, but keep in mind SFG shared the ribs with GGCSFG.

The BBQ was fabulous.  The Texas sausage was packed with garlic, paprika, and juicy pork fat.  The ribs were tender with a great char and smoke ring.  The pulled pork was obviously smoked for hours and hours and had that pit-master smoky signature.

After dinner, SFG and FECSFG waddled over to the Whiskey Bent Saloon (of course it was called the Whiskey Bent Saloon, complete with an up and coming country music singer, and our table was made out of a real wagon wheel.  Really).  After digesting dinner and listening to music, SFG and FECSFG decided to head off to an old fashioned corner shop called Mike's Ice Cream Fountain.  That's where the Tennessee Fudge ice cream in a chocolate chip cookie cone moment occurred.  And yes, it was as tasty as it sounds.  Creamy.  Big ol' chunks of chocolate fudge.  A cookie cone that tasted like, well, a cookie.

Spicy Food Guy knows what you are thinking; "Surely it ended there, SFG, surely you didn't eat again for many, many days".

It's called breakfast and it took place the next morning.  Spicy Food Guy selected the Waffle House. Best breakfast at the Waffle House?  The Breakfast All-Star Special.  A waffle.  Two eggs.  Three strips of bacon.  Hash browns (Spicy Food Guy had his hash browns "smothered and covered", that is, grilled with onions and topped with a slice of processed American cheese.  Generally the best hash browns on the planet).  Toast.  Coffee.  SFG added orange juice.  A stick-to-your-ribs breakfast.

Ate every bite.  The force is strong in Spicy Food Guy, and the midichlorians were hungry.

And maybe, perhaps, that would have ended the pork orgy.  But Spicy Food Guy had to fly back through the Charlotte airport.  Hit the BBQ Pit on the flip side.  Pulled pork again, slaw again, beans again.

And then, and only then, did Spicy Food Guy decide he was full.

Totally true story.  Peace out, BBQ fans.  I am one of you.

Best Spicy Breakfast Sandwich in Pittsburgh, Perhaps Anywhere

Spicy Food Guy was home for a few days when he was tipped off about Gab and Eat by some local, in-the-know diner types (LITKDT).

"Go there", urged LITKDT, they have the best burgers in the 'Burgh.  They're Balls!"

OK, they didn't really say the burgers were balls, it's just that SFG loves the expression so, and it seemed to fit in the story.  And LITKDT aren't the only Gab and Eat advocates.  Several 'Burgh bloggers have hailed Gab and Eat as the "best diner in the 'Burgh".  Where there is advocacy there is substance, at least when it comes to hole-in-the-wall-diners.  The same cannot be said about the Republican party, but Spicy Food Guy digresses.

So off Spicy Food Guy went to the Gab and Eat, though he passed by it a few times because he blinked.  Or sneezed.  It doesn't take much to miss the ol' Gab and Eat.

Anyway, SFG had every intention of ordering one of the Gab and Eat burgers.  It was a mission.

Until he spotted the John Boy on the menu.  The John Boy.  Hot homemade sausage, egg, cheese, peppers and onions, all on Italian toast.  Not just any Italian toast -- but Mancini's Italian toast.  Mancini's, the makers of fabulous bread and perhaps the best pepperoni rolls in the region (that's a whole other blog post).

Let Spicy Food Guy say this about the John Boy:  it's spicy, it's cheesy gooey, it plays the egg and sausage perfectly together, it's the best bread ever, it's one of the best breakfast sandwiches in the free world, and tops anything in North Korea, Iran, and Iraq. 

If the John Boy could talk it would say "I have been called the breakfast sandwich of my generation among those who have tasted me" in a similar sort of way Will Ferrell called himself the songbird of his generation in the movie "Stepbrothers".

You should see Stepbrothers because it is hysterical.  You should eat the John Boy at Gab and Eat because it's a one of a kind Pittsburgh breakfast sandwich.  So says Spicy Food Guy.

Peace out.

Baked Beans for Breakfast is Balls and Other UK Food Observations

Let Spicy Food Guy begin by saying the highlight of his trip to the UK had to be when Esteemed Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (ECSFG) complimented a particularly flavorful curry by stating:

"Oh that's Balls."

Spicy Food Guy delights in this succinct and apt descriptor.  In fact, SFG earnestly awaits the evening, sometime in the near future, when a snooty wine sommelier pours a sliver of some fine merlot so that SFG can perform the ritualistic taste test.

"It's Balls," Spicy Food Guy will state authoritatively to the sommelier, "we'll all take some."  And then Spicy Food Guy will whirl back to the table and re-start the dinner conversation before the sommelier can manage a stuttered response.  And in his head, Spicy Food Guy will chuckle deeply.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time London, England.  Specifically, SFG was rather trapped in a hotel close to terminal 4 of Heathrow airport.

Now SFG has been to London perhaps a dozen times, and as the tourist lore goes, the food is nothing to write a blog post about.  The exceptions are curry houses and baked beans for breakfast.

The English have a thing for baked beans, and beans are officially a part of a "full English breakfast".  SFG thinks the English are on to something here.  Baked beans mixed in with some fried eggs and pieces of bacon is a great combination of flavor and texture.  It's balls.  When you think about it, beans and bacon and eggs is a better combo than grilled burgers and beans.  It's not better than pulled pork and beans, but the egg combo is right up there in terms of a natural fit.

But this whole baked bean thing is not what SFG is here to discuss.  Spicy Food Guy is here to discuss curry houses and steering wheels.

So the story begins when SFG and about six Esteemed Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (ECSSFG, because it's plural) decided to go out for some curry one evening so as to have at least one decent dinner during our stay in London.  Some of the ECSSFG also decided that a few pints at the pub would be an excellent precursor to the Indian dinner.

Needless to say, spirits were high and the mood light when the van showed up to cart SFG and ECSSFG to the restaurant.  Much to the delight of the rest of us, one ECSSFG decided to use this van ride to vent in a typical American style:

"Look," half looped ECSSFG postured to the driver, "the automobile was invented in America, right?  The automobile was first manufactured in America, right?"  

The driver did not respond.

"So," ECSSFG continued, ignoring the driver's silence, "what on earth possessed you to move the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"  

You could tell ECSSFG was genuine in his inquiry, and the driver let a small smile escape (which is the British equivalent of a hearty laugh).

In any case, SFG and ECSSFG made it safely to "Achari, Flavour of India", the locally recommended curry house.

And the curry was fabulous, as it always is in London.  SFG and ECSSFG decided to order a half dozen or so appetizers and a half dozen entrees and just split them all up.  SFG loved the fried onion bhajees as an appetizer (as wiki says, think potato fritters).  Additionally, SFG forcefully argued that one of the entrees should be a spicy lamb vindaloo, despite the hesitant misgivings of ECSSFG.  The lamb vindaloo ultimately inspired the "that's balls" comment, so Spicy Food Guy felt extremely vindicated.

The curry sauces were packed with flavor, with tastes of tumeric, garlic, ginger, and mustard.  The meats were tender, the beer cold, the staff proud, the company fine.  All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable UK evening.

Next morning, Spicy Food Guy had baked beans for breakfast.  Sometimes everything goes right.

PS, "Baked Beans for Breakfast", by Ruth Chew, was one of SFG's favorite childhood books.  Coincidence, or a higher level of order that sustains balance in the universe?  SFG thinks its all just one big mystery. 

Best Cajun Appetizer Ever

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Covington Kentucky.  

From a food perspective, the trip didn't look all that promising at first.  SFG rode in a small airplane, ate airport food, drank airport beer, stayed in an airport hotel, you get the drift.

So imagine Spicy Food Guy's delightful reaction to being guided to Dee Felice Cafe, a homey and authentic cajun restaurant that seems to have been tossed into the middle of Northern Kentucky via some wormhole in the New Orlean's space time continuum.  It's a cozy little space with friendly staff, lots of window seating, and a little stage to accommodate live jazz from Tuesdays through Saturdays.  Spicy Food Guy liked the place immediately.

And then came the two appetizers, both of which Spicy Food Guy rates right up there with the best of any appetizers he has consumed as part of his lifetime habit of eating food.  Appetizer one, Ricardo's Ravioli, was a deep fried ricotta and jalapeño ravioli that was covered in a jalapeño and crawfish cream sauce.  The other was a grilled portabella mushroom with chicken and slathered with a fresh leek cream sauce.  Both appetizers were fabulous, the ravioli in particular was captivating. 

Spicy Food Guy can't put his finger on what exactly amped up his attraction to the ravioli, but it had a lot to do with there being a lot more substance to the dish than meets the eye.  First seen, the appetizer looks like something directly out of a swanky Manhattan "Froo Froo" Restaurant; kind of spoiled and pretentious and only to be consumed by uptight foodies and restaurant critics.  But, as it turns out, the ravioli has a real country and southern comfort flavor that is both simple (from the cream and pasta) and complex (from the crawfish and jalapeño) at the same time.  And, best of all, a nice streak of spice and heat runs through the entire dish, adding a sort of seduction element to the whole appetizer.  At it's essence, the ravioli represents everything Spicy Food Guy celebrates and loves when it comes to food.  It captured SFG's heart, forever.

So don't miss this place if you are in the Cincinnati area.  And send SFG some ravioli on your way out the door.  Spicy Food Guy misses it.  Really.       

Pennsylvania Pilots Wine in Grocery Stores (30 Years After Everyone Else)

Spicy Food Guy is highly amused by the following  news story from an article entitled "State pops the cork on wine kiosks" in today's Pittsburgh Post Gazette:

"The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board began a pilot program of wine-vending kiosks inside two Harrisburg area supermarkets on Wednesday.  If all goes well, similar kiosks may start popping up in Western Pennsylvania in August, said PLCB spokeswoman Stacey Witalec."

Let's make sure Spicy Food Guy has this straight:  Pennsylvania is piloting, in two whole locations, an adult beverage grocery distribution strategy that has been fully rolled out in the other 49 states for the past three decades?  Now, is this front page news because the media perceives the strategy as progressive, or because they view it as embarrassing? 

Spicy Food Guy can just envision next week's headline:

"Pennsylvania embarks on an ambitious 15 year development plan to sell beer in convenience stores".

Please someone help.

Refried Beans, Jalapeño Peppers, and How to Eat at All-Inclusive Resorts

"I bet I can eat refried beans and jalapeño peppers for 12 straight meals."

So did Spicy Food Guy toss out his "Cool Hand Luke" challenge to his family members, all of whom rolled their eyes and went back to enjoying the sun and warmth of the Riviera Maya.

As it turns out, Spicy Food Guy rather enjoyed the refried beans and jalapeño pepper challenge, though it became the bane of existence for those who had to share the same bathroom as SFG

Spicy Food Guy and his family were enjoying some quality time at the Occidental Grand Xcaret a couple months back.  In prior years, the SFG family had vacationed at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya.  All-Inclusive Resorts are hit and miss establishments when it comes to food.  A quick perusal of Tripadvisor.com will show reviews that range anywhere from "the resort had the most fabulous food ever and I gained 10 pounds" to "I couldn't find a single dish that wasn't undercooked and my husband ended up in the hospital with food poisoning."  But given that SFG has some experience in these types of resorts, he thought he'd provide some guidance to those vacationers that might be headed down for their first visit.

But first some setup; most of the food service offerings in all inclusive resorts work in the same general manner.  A grand buffet anchors most of the meals, the selection is huge, and you can eat there with no reservations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Most evenings the grand buffet has a specific theme, such as seafood, Mexican, or Italian.  In addition to the buffet, most resorts offer pool side lunch cafe's where you can get standard lunch fare -- tacos, burgers, pizza, hot dogs, nachos, that sort of thing.  Finally, all the resorts will have anywhere from two to five standalone dinner restaurants that require reservations and have some sort of dress code.  The restaurants range anywhere from Japanese to Mediterranean to Steakhouses.  Finally, most places offer some limited version of room service.

So how in the hell do you decide where to go and what to eat?  As I said, Spicy Food Guy is here to help.
  
Tip 1 -- Go big on breakfast. First, it doesn't take much to prepare a fairly elegant breakfast, and most resorts do a terrific job of setting up a nice brunch-like atmosphere.  A good omelet, prepared in front of you with your ingredients of choice, is always a great way to start the day.  And because most resorts are located in sunny warm environments, there is almost always a broad selection of fresh fruit.  The kids can enjoy cereal, scrambled eggs, or french toast.  Spicy Food Guy generally steers away from bacon and sausages, mostly because they always appear to be undercooked.  Plus, making breakfast the big meal of the day gives you at least a remote chance of burning off some calories before day's end.

Tip 2 -- Go local.  Shockingly, the best food in most Mexican resorts is, well, Mexican.  It's what they know.  The pica de gallo is always fresh and delicious.  The refried beans are outstanding.  Tinga Pueblana, Mexican pulled pork, practically melts in your mouth.  It always cracks Spicy Food Guy to read a tripadvisor.com review that says "We were really disappointed with the food at the Italian restaurant in the resort".  Really?  You were?  Spicy Food Guy is always soooo tempted to leave a comment like "No shit, bright eyes, Italy was located on another damn continent last time I checked.  Of course the Italian food sucks in Mexico.  Dumbass."  But SFG never writes this, he just thinks it.

Tip 3 -- Lunch 1 and Lunch 2.  This is a food strategy that was developed by Independent Thinking Stepdaughter of SFG (ITSOSFG).  Most of the poolside lunch cafe's are open from about 11:30 to 2:30, and they are jam packed from 12:15 to about 1:30.  So ITSOSFG came up with the brilliant idea of having a smallish lunch around 11:30 when the crowds were light and the food had just been set out, and then repeating the process at about 2:00.  Lunch 1 and lunch 2.  Helps stop binge eating, you get a quiet lunch, and really fast service.  Brilliant.

Tip 4 -- Avoid shellfish.  Admittedly, this is kind of a no-brainer.  The chances of getting food poisoning from shellfish, especially when served raw, is well documented and known.  Now Spicy Food Guy loves oysters, but he is not about to risk a spending a sunny day in the Riviera Maya vomiting in his bathroom.  Just stay away from the shellfish.

Tip 5 -- Straight from the bottle.  We all know American and European tummies don't always handle Mexican water very well.  So avoid it.  Drink water from water bottles.  Drink beer or soda poured from a bottle.  And is there anything finer than the thoughtful, well timed tequila shot?  Spicy Food Guy thinks not.

Spicy Food Guy hopes you enjoy your trip, and he highly recommends the jalapeño peppers and refried beans.  Peace out, Amigos.

10 Food Tips for New Graduates

Tip 1: Throw out the Ramen noodles.  All of them.  In the trash.  Now.  Nothing says "cheap college student who has no idea how to cook" more than a case of Ramen noodles.  So get rid of them.  Case closed.

Spicy Food Guy once lived in a college apartment, adorned with paper plates, 47 pizza delivery boxes stacked in the living room corner, and a fridge full of beer and a gallon jug of ketchup.

Spicy Food Guy has since grown up, and he is here to help.

You have just received your diploma, you are fortunate enough to have landed a real job.  A real apartment.  Real world.  How to navigate the grown-up world of food?  Here are nine more tips:

Tip 2:  Learn how to cook an elegant breakfast.  You spent four years eating Coco Puffs and cold pizza for breakfast.  Excellent while it lasted.  A couple of things:  1) breakfast is the easiest meal to learn how to cook well, and 2) if you have a guest for breakfast, chances are it is a very important guest.  So fry eggs.  Better yet, make an omelette with fresh peppers, onions, mushrooms, and local cheese.  Know how to flip it.  Sizzle up some bacon.  Slice up some toast.    Pour orange juice into a pitcher and put it on the dining room table.  Put some flowers in a vase. Win the morning, win his/her heart.

Tip 3:  Do not skimp on the basics.  Folger's coffee and store brand ice cream may have worked on the quad, but in the real world they send a very distinct signal -- "this kid is broke".  Time to upgrade.  Fresh roasted coffee beans.  Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Throw out your cheap beer, put a six pack of Carlsberg in the fridge.  Demonstrate you have an income.  

Tip 4:  Learn how to navigate a classy restaurant.  Admittedly, this takes some time and experience, and we have all come from different backgrounds, but Spicy Food Guy is here with the basics:  1) The female guest follows the Maitre D' to the table, 2) the female guests order first, 3) no one eats until everyone is served (please, no matter what circumstances, no matter how much everyone else says to go ahead, do not eat, ever, until everyone is served).  Also, dining utensils are used, in order, from the outside in.  If you are unsure of which fork or spoon or glass to use, wait and watch someone else first.  Better yet, defer to the server.  Ask which entree the chef prefers, ask what the best wine pairing is, treat your server as if they are the resident food and wine expert (which they are), and they will almost always reward you with fabulous service.  Trust Spicy Food Guy on this one.

Tip 5:  Salt and Pepper do not a spice cabinet make.  Fresh basil.  Onion powder.  Garlic salt. Oregano.  Thyme.  Cayenne pepper.  A stocked pantry makes you look worldly, and makes your dishes taste better.  Experiment on burgers, eggs, pasta, and chicken on the evenings you eat alone.  Find your signature.

Tip 6:  Man the Grill.  Any yahoo can cook up burgers and dogs on a sunny summer Sunday afternoon.  You can do better.  Learn the basics of charcoal vs gas grilling vs a smoker.  Figure out when to use direct or indirect heat.  Grill up some salmon on a cedar plank.  Serve up a succulent beer can chicken.  Be in demand at the cul-de-sac party.  

Tip 8:  Have a signature dish.  Spicy Food Guy can whip up some from-scratch Gumbo that breaks hearts.  Really.  It is just that good, but it wasn't always that way.  Took a bunch of years for SFG to get it right.  Put this on your bucket list: take several years and learn to prepare a dish that is fucking unparalleled among its peer set.  When SFG serves up his gumbo, he expects folks to respond "holy shit this is really good".  SFG is rarely disappointed.  Find your gumbo, discover your soul, win his/her heart.

Tip 9:  Take him/her/them to Brunch.  Brunch kicks ass.  It's on a Sunday, the pace is slow, the price is inexpensive, and the food is rarely bad.  You can really get to know someone over a long sit down brunch.  If your parents are in town, take them to the fanciest brunch in the region.  At most you are out $75, and you get a quality conversation with your Mom and Dad.  As a first date, a fancy brunch can't be beat.  There is time to linger, time to chat.  Mrs. SFG found out as much at the Grand Concourse in Pittsburgh in 2001.  Enough said.

Tip 10:  On a cold winter morning, bake cookies.  If they don't come running, the warm gooiness is yours to hog alone.

But they will come running.

So says Spicy Food Guy.  Peace out.

Flatulence and Sushi in New Jersey

OK, so Spicy Food Guy, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, traveled from New York City to northern New Jersey late last week to wrap up some unfinished business.

For lodging, SFG elected to stay at a nondescript Marriott.  And to get his daily workout in, Spicy Food Guy elected to work out in the Marriott fitness center.

That's when the trouble began.

First, SFG is obligated to point out that the Marriott fitness center is not a fitness center, per se.  Rather, it is a converted hotel room or suite that can comfortably hold about six people.  And that's about how many were there that fateful day last week.

Early in the morning, SFG decided to do some ab crunches.  Bad idea.  Halfway into the set, SFG experienced some, how should we say this?  Flatulence.

Or rather, for Spicy Food Guy it was more like:

Flat-a-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-ulence.

If you get SFG's drift. 

Everyone froze for like three seconds.  What to do?  There really is no appropriate response in this situation, either for the flatulence producer or the startled innocent bystanders who are deciding whether to flee or fight through it, so to speak.

Spicy Food Guy, however, was in the midst of silent prayer:

"Please Lord," implored SFG, "let this be the light-misty-morning aroma.  Please don't be the rare and dreaded rotting-dead-mammal cloud of poison."

Of course it was the dead mammals.

In business parlance, there was no upside here for SFG.  Time to crawl away and die of mortal embarrassment.  But Spicy Food Guy did not die of mortal embarrassment.  Instead, he decided to go out for sushi with some colleagues.

(Pause here.  SFG recognizes the inherent awkwardness in the above transition from gym flatulence to sushi, but the gym thing was funny, and Spicy Food Guy needed to weave it in the story somehow.)

Now to establish context, Spicy Food Guy is a reasonably seasoned sushi eater.  SFG has eaten a lot of good sushi in a lot of places, east coast to west coast.  So let it be known here that SFG found the Sushi Lounge in Morristown NJ to be among the finest sushi dinners he has ever had anywhere.

SFG knows your response.  It weirds him out, too.

Let's say you are a fan of sushi.  Let's say you are a fan of Chilean Sea Bass.  The Sushi Lounge has combined the best of both into the Chilean Sea Bass Roll, marinated in a yuzu and soy glaze and as fabulous a sushi roll that SFG has ever put into his mouth.  There is also a Tempura Sea Bass Roll.  The flaky tenderness of the sea bass combines with the crunch of the tempura so that the whole roll is a culinary explosion of texture and taste.

SFG and his colleagues also enjoyed the Lobster Crunch Roll, which combines lobster, crab, wasabi, toasted almonds, and endamame.  Who thought of this?  They should win an award.  Several awards.

And what of the Baja Roll?  Soft shell crab and shrimp tempura, guacamole, roasted red peppers and served with a mustard dressing.  Does SFG really need to explain how delicious this was?

So pleasantly surprised, Spicy Food Guy filled his belly with some of the most interesting and tasty sushi rolls he has ever had.  And the atmosphere of the Sushi Lounge is both light yet intimate, so it has a quirkiness that lends itself to good company and conversation.

Go to the Sushi Lounge.  Stay at the Marriott.

Spicy Food Guy will see you in the gym.

Tasty BBQ in Times Square

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week.  Destination for this trip?  Times Square, baby!

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of Times Square, largely because it allows him to participate in radically disparate activities in a very confined geographic area.

Typical evening outing for SFG and his buddies in Times Square:

• Go to an Irish Pub for a quick 'lube and oil change, if you get SFG's drift.
• Amble over to ESPN Zone to watch multiple sports games on multiple huge screens.  Sip on a beer and munch on some wings while yelling random animated coaching tips for said sports teams on said screens.
• Stop by the M&M Store (of course there's one!) and buy a gift for the family.
• Go back to Irish Pub.
• Go to a random diner (open 24 hours) and eat eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast.
• Go to hotel and sleep.

A hundred bucks says there is no other place in the world where SFG can do all that within 2 city blocks.  You gotta love the Big Apple.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

On this particular trip, SFG was in the mood for some good old fashioned BBQ and Southern Comfort foods, so off he went to Virgil's BBQ on the corner of 44th and Broadway.  Spicy Food Guy was arriving at Virgil's after an hour or two at ESPN Zone, so he was ready to chow down.

And chow down SFG did.  SFG ordered two meats, memphis ribs and a texas sausage link.  The ribs had a fabulous smoke ring and a really nice dry rub crust on the outside.  The outside char was offset by the tender and delicious pink meat on the inside.  The sausage link had garlic and chile pepper spices and was a juicy mix of pork meat and fat.  And the condiments!  Three or four different bbq sauces, several hot sauces, mustard.

To make sure SFG had some daily servings of "vegetables", he ordered baked beans (with big chunks of maplewood bacon) and cheese grits.  The cheese grits were creamy, not lumpy, and served steaming hot.  

As an indication of how much he enjoyed the meal, SFG texted the Boy (SFG's son) with the following message (true story):

"Buuuurrrrrrrrrrp"

Elegant prose.  Brought to you by Spicy Food Guy.  And next time you make it to the Big Apple, get to Virgil's.  Go hungry.  Stay late.

Peace out.