A Good, Good Life

So, no offense to the three regular readers of Spicy Food Guy and his gallant posts about delicious eating, but today is turned over to some guy named "Joe", who wants to write about his 30th high school reunion.  Something about another commencement speech.  Whatever.

Welcome and good evening, Class of 1981.  

It was 30 years ago that I last addressed you as a group.  Back then, I was one of three students elected by the faculty to give a commencement address.  Your friends and family were here.  Do you remember that I spoke or what I said?  

That's OK, neither do I.  Something full of arrogance and piss and vinegar.  Pretentious, as I recall. Wishful.  But I don't remember the details (any of it, actually), and neither do you.  I remember the party afterwards, but that one is in the vault.  A conversation for another time.

So, through the magic of the internet, we are all gathered again.  Not the cavernous arena we gathered in the last time, but a place like it.

Look beside you, right and left.  First thing we notice is some empty seats.  We didn't all make it, here in the land of the living.  Some of us have gone on to the Great Mystery.  We miss them, those that have passed on.  We wish them restful peace.  A moment of silence.

So my remarks will begin.  A word about our generation.

For those in the audience from the Media, I use the word generation loosely.  I am addressing the class of 1981, born in '62 or '63, but I am also giving or taking a few years.  The classes that graduated 6 or 8 years behind us?  They count.  Hard to know the specifics of who I call my generation, who doesn't, where the boundaries lay.  You media are a pedantic bunch; I will not be held to your labels or standards.  That's one of the good things about us, but we will get to that.

Here is what I know.  The Census people, the ones who count stuff, established the back end of  the Baby Boomer generation just a year or two before we were born.  The Baby Boomer  generation boasted Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, both Clintons.  Not us.

A generation behind us came the internet.  Mark Zuckerberg, born in 1984, invented Facebook. We watched the start of Netflix and eBay.  But it wasn't us.

If you weren't paying attention, you'd think we haven't done much.  You might call us boring.  If the generations from the past 70 years had a party, my generation would be cut off at the door by a velvet rope.  "Sorry", the bouncer would say in that furiously unapologetic way that bouncers do, "your name isn't on the list.  You can't come in"

I think there is some stuff you should know, and you need to listen to me now.

Operation Desert Storm, 1991 or so, the first war we had fought as a nation in two decades?  We fought in that.

9/11?  Hit when we, my generation, were about to upgrade our houses and careers and take our turn at the American Dream.  We put that stuff off.  Those kids who were shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan the next ten years?  Those were our kids.

Do you know the three worst recessions in the past 30 years?  One in the early 80's, one in the early 90's, when we were entering the workforce.  The third?  The really awful recession, the great recession?  That happened in 2007, at the height of my generation's earnings years.  We were laid off, or, at best, watched our 401Ks fall to half value.  Let's face it:  when Social Security has to own up and say some poor future US Generation is going to have to take a smack in the face and take out less than they paid in, who do you think it's going to be?  I will tell you who it will be: me and my classmates.  

Let me speak tonight to the members of the media who think we might be complaining.  Have you heard this from us before?  Has the Class of 1981 gone and picketed Congress?  No.  We have not.  Want to know why?

Because we are not a complaining generation.  

We work hard.  We love dogs.  We love our spouses and kids and our homes.  We love Diners and Sports Bars and Cold Beer.  We would drive a far piece for really good Ice Cream.  We eat hot dogs with mustard during ball games.  We sing the baseball anthem during the 7th inning stretch and sing the National Anthem at the beginning of football games.  We cheer the band and wave flags.  We watch fireworks.  We ride roller coasters and scream like babies at the spooky parts of scary movies.  We celebrate our life's events at picnic tables at State Parks.  We hug our Moms and our daughters on their birthdays.  We take our sons fishing and bowling.

And let me tell the media another thing.  You praise another generation, the kids in their teens and twenties.  You call them generous and tolerant.  You go on and on about how they give hours to the community, how they don't discriminate about religion or ethnicity.  You marvel about how they accept homosexuality, how big their hearts are.

The Class of 1981 has a quiet message for you.  Those kids?  Those are our kids.  You think we are some passive do nothing generation?  Who has raised better kids in the past 100 years of our nation's history?  Not to be an ass, here at my 2nd commencement speech, but I really do think it is time for the media to shut the hell up.  

I will get off my soapbox now.

30 years ago when I gave you the big speech I didn't know all the stuff I just said.  I underestimated our collective character.  I simply did not know the size of your hearts.

So more specifically, now I talk to you, Milford Class of 1981.

We start with accountability.  The Popular Pretty Girls of the Class of 1981 made the reunion all possible.  The Class Officers are charged with delivering our reunions.  They elected not to do so.  I am certain our Class Officers have very big and important jobs in 2011.  They have not delivered a reunion to date.  Not in 1991, not in 2001, not 2011.  On this I will comment no further.

So the Popular Pretty Girls stepped up.  They have always stepped up.  Remember those big signs on the walls of the high school they worked on for hours to cheer our team on to some victory for some random sport and we thought it was because they were snotty and superficial?

Turns out they had school spirit. Real school spirit.  And big hearts and genuine souls.  

And I missed it.           

Thirty years from when we graduated, the Popular Pretty Girls made sure we had a homecoming.  And for us Nerdy Guys, who were deathly afraid of the the Popular Pretty Girls and their ilk?

Turns out the Pretty Popular Girls are nice.  Big time nice.  And have real class spirit.  And good husbands who are funny.  And 30 years ago I made a lot of false assumptions that these girls were stuck up and pretentious.  I was wrong then.  I will not be wrong again.

At one point in the evening, one of the Pretty Popular Girls pointed out that if some of us Nerdy Guys had just asked, maybe some dates would have happened back there in '80 or so.  I appreciate the gesture, but 30 years clouds judgment.  So to you, Pretty Popular Girl who hinted so, I think at prom time you had better options than a 6'2'' 128lb walking stick of bones and skin.  Wayyyyyy better options.  But thanks for making me think I had it in me at the time.  And thanks even more for organizing the evening. And thanks most of all for making me realize what a lovely person you are.  I wish I could have said thank you in June of 1981.

And then there were the Non-Popular Girls of my class.  The Non-Popular Girls were a little plain or a little overweight or a little whatever.  And now their souls shine like stars.  They volunteer at Hospice or Special Olympics and kings should bow at their feet.  Real kings.  

Sometimes we hung out 30 years ago when it was convenient for me and sometimes I ignored you. I didn't deserve your friendship back then and I probably do not deserve it now.  To repeat a phrase I recently used, your hearts are so big you could never be anything but beautiful.  If I had a brain in my head in 1981 I would have asked you to Prom.  Shame on me for not doing so.

Also at our reunion were the Scary Guys.  Jocks and fighters who kicked ass and tied guys like me in knots and hung us from the ropes in the gym.  Thanks for being normal and funny and not locking us in the bathroom at the reunion.  Your hearts are genuine and you are stand up guys and you have rescued a female classmate or two from bad situations.  I will always envy you.

Lastly, to the Nerdy Guys.  We know who we are, even if it took us 30 years to dance with a cheerleader. 

We have done well.

Some of us tried to be be brave.  We jumped out of C130's and called ourselves Paratroopers.  Or we worked as DJ's or media producers and made ourselves specialists at what we do.  One of us fought Aaron Pryor, Welterweight Champion of the World, for 3 rounds before getting knocked out.  

So this is the get tough generation.  We spit blood and stagger up and say who the hell are you?  

But a tough generation is not a mean generation.  You could tell from the reunion.  We are an affectionate bunch.  We are inclined to turn our faces to the sun.  

A reunion with the class of 1981 is sort of like going to an autumn fest.  The cold air is setting in, but for a moment we turn our heads to a fading sun and soak in the warmth.  We linger there, we  turn our faces to the west, we breathe in the last of the sunshine.

In our hands is a cup of hot cider is a little shot of something something.  We sip it.  We grin a bit.

I love my class.  I love our affection, our hand shakes, our hugs, and our defiance.  This is my class.  These are my people.  I didn't always know how important that was to me.  I won't miss it again.

Thanks to all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZhQOvvV45w


    

Cajun and Kobe in the Arizona Desert

For reasons best left unknown to the general public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world.  This time SFG was engaged in a quick flyby of Phoenix, Arizona, with only a day or so to try out the local cuisine.

Fortunately for Spicy Food Guy, his accommodations were located right across the street from Baby Kay's Cajun Kitchen.  Let's just say it didn't take long for SFG to determine where he was headed for dinner.

SFG knows how to eat out when he is by himself on the road.  Roll up the sleeves.  Sit at the bar.  Quaff the local microbrew.  On draft.  Spread out.  Eat big.  SFG  knocked down the Cajun Combination, a cup each of seafood gumbo, crawfish etouffee, and chicken and sausage jambalaya.  Plus coleslaw.  And garlic bread.   The gumbo was particularly good: earthy broth and tender chunks of shrimp and other seafood.

The more interesting part of the trip began the next day, when Spicy Food Guy's services were needed at the Phoenician, located in Scottsdale, Arizona.  The Phoenician, by any standard, is one of the stateliest and most elegant resorts anywhere in the US.  It doesn't just exude wealth, it exudes the look and feel of America's wealthiest.  Think the Greenbrier in WV, or The Breakers in Palm beach, FL.

Spicy Food Guy read a book once, Conspiracy of Fools, an accounting of the rise and fall of the Enron Corporation.  At the height of Enron's power and prestige, the Company had their annual executive offsite at the Phoenician.  As Spicy Food Guy surveyed his surroundings, he could just picture Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow striding across the marble and granite bridges that crisscross the swimming pools.  They would be sporting expensive sunglasses and wearing their arrogant infallibility like a tailored suit of Armani armor.  With blazing blue skies and a resort that backs up against the stark Camelback Mountain, it is just a given that the Phoenician houses Captains of Industry.  SFG swears you can smell corporate deals in the air.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Since it was warm outside and SFG lives in a cold place, he elected to eat lunch at the Oasis Pool Bar and Grill.  Spicy Food Guy decided to try the Kobe burger because he hadn't had one before and the Japanese beef is said to be second to none.

No lie on the Kobe.  It's juicy, flavorful, a burger's burger.  And poolside at the Phoenician is a damn fine place to try one's first Kobe.      

As delicious as the burger was, SFG is simply not a Kobe guy.  Or a Phoenician guy.  SFG would just as soon knock back a hot dog and brew at a baseball game.  Preferably at PNC Park.  There are places you go and marvel at the beauty and wealth, and there are cities you live in that slowly capture your heart, and you come to love it there.  That's home, baby.  Home. 

Best BBQ in Nashville and Four Meals with Pork. In a Row.

Spicy Food Guy and Great Guy Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (GGCSFG) had a full rack of ribs.

As a side.

After BBQ we went out for ice cream.  Spicy Food Guy had two dips of Tennessee Fudge in a Chocolate Chip Cookie Cone.  It was that kind of trip.  But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Nashville, Tennessee.

The trip didn't begin as a BBQ orgy, but decadence has a way of gathering momentum.  This is especially true when the decadence has to do with ribs, pulled pork, bacon, and Texas sausage.  But Spicy Food Guy is getting ahead of himself again.

The origin of the BBQ binge took place at the Brookwood Farms North Carolina BBQ Pit at the Charlotte airport early in the afternoon.  During his layover, SFG happily knocked off a pulled pork sandwich with slaw and vinegar based BBQ sauce, baked beans, and a bottle of Budweiser.  Pretty sane BBQ consumption at this particular point in the trip.

Then the party went to Nashville and a couple of locals recommended Jacks BarBQue as the undisputed favorite among true BBQ enthusiasts.  Jacks has won two or three zillion awards, including "Best BBQ Sauce on the Planet" in 2004.  After tasting all eight or so homemade sauces that Jacks serves on premises, SFG agrees that the sauce is heavily competitive in planetary circles, and it's even in the realm of possibility that when the aliens land, they will want to go to Jacks.  But Spicy Food Guy digresses again.

SFG and GGCSFG went to Jacks with several other Food Enthusiast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FECSFG).  The food at Jack's is served cafeteria style, and the line is long.  Orders must be placed quickly.

Spicy Food Guy decided on the three meat platter.  $13.  Really.  SFG picked the pork shoulder, ribs, and Texas sausage.  SFG also stuck with slaw and baked beans as tried and true BBQ sides.  However, because only two or three ribs came with the three meat platter, Spicy Food Guy fretted that there would be a rib shortage at the table.  That's when SFG and GGCSFG decided on the full rack of ribs as a side dish strategy.  Brilliant.

So this was Spicy Food Guy's tray -- 3 meat platter with beans, slaw, and bread.   A plate with a full rack of ribs.  Eight little plastic cups of every BBQ sauce that Jacks served.  And two beers.  Now this may sound a little over the top, but keep in mind SFG shared the ribs with GGCSFG.

The BBQ was fabulous.  The Texas sausage was packed with garlic, paprika, and juicy pork fat.  The ribs were tender with a great char and smoke ring.  The pulled pork was obviously smoked for hours and hours and had that pit-master smoky signature.

After dinner, SFG and FECSFG waddled over to the Whiskey Bent Saloon (of course it was called the Whiskey Bent Saloon, complete with an up and coming country music singer, and our table was made out of a real wagon wheel.  Really).  After digesting dinner and listening to music, SFG and FECSFG decided to head off to an old fashioned corner shop called Mike's Ice Cream Fountain.  That's where the Tennessee Fudge ice cream in a chocolate chip cookie cone moment occurred.  And yes, it was as tasty as it sounds.  Creamy.  Big ol' chunks of chocolate fudge.  A cookie cone that tasted like, well, a cookie.

Spicy Food Guy knows what you are thinking; "Surely it ended there, SFG, surely you didn't eat again for many, many days".

It's called breakfast and it took place the next morning.  Spicy Food Guy selected the Waffle House. Best breakfast at the Waffle House?  The Breakfast All-Star Special.  A waffle.  Two eggs.  Three strips of bacon.  Hash browns (Spicy Food Guy had his hash browns "smothered and covered", that is, grilled with onions and topped with a slice of processed American cheese.  Generally the best hash browns on the planet).  Toast.  Coffee.  SFG added orange juice.  A stick-to-your-ribs breakfast.

Ate every bite.  The force is strong in Spicy Food Guy, and the midichlorians were hungry.

And maybe, perhaps, that would have ended the pork orgy.  But Spicy Food Guy had to fly back through the Charlotte airport.  Hit the BBQ Pit on the flip side.  Pulled pork again, slaw again, beans again.

And then, and only then, did Spicy Food Guy decide he was full.

Totally true story.  Peace out, BBQ fans.  I am one of you.

Baked Beans for Breakfast is Balls and Other UK Food Observations

Let Spicy Food Guy begin by saying the highlight of his trip to the UK had to be when Esteemed Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (ECSFG) complimented a particularly flavorful curry by stating:

"Oh that's Balls."

Spicy Food Guy delights in this succinct and apt descriptor.  In fact, SFG earnestly awaits the evening, sometime in the near future, when a snooty wine sommelier pours a sliver of some fine merlot so that SFG can perform the ritualistic taste test.

"It's Balls," Spicy Food Guy will state authoritatively to the sommelier, "we'll all take some."  And then Spicy Food Guy will whirl back to the table and re-start the dinner conversation before the sommelier can manage a stuttered response.  And in his head, Spicy Food Guy will chuckle deeply.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time London, England.  Specifically, SFG was rather trapped in a hotel close to terminal 4 of Heathrow airport.

Now SFG has been to London perhaps a dozen times, and as the tourist lore goes, the food is nothing to write a blog post about.  The exceptions are curry houses and baked beans for breakfast.

The English have a thing for baked beans, and beans are officially a part of a "full English breakfast".  SFG thinks the English are on to something here.  Baked beans mixed in with some fried eggs and pieces of bacon is a great combination of flavor and texture.  It's balls.  When you think about it, beans and bacon and eggs is a better combo than grilled burgers and beans.  It's not better than pulled pork and beans, but the egg combo is right up there in terms of a natural fit.

But this whole baked bean thing is not what SFG is here to discuss.  Spicy Food Guy is here to discuss curry houses and steering wheels.

So the story begins when SFG and about six Esteemed Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (ECSSFG, because it's plural) decided to go out for some curry one evening so as to have at least one decent dinner during our stay in London.  Some of the ECSSFG also decided that a few pints at the pub would be an excellent precursor to the Indian dinner.

Needless to say, spirits were high and the mood light when the van showed up to cart SFG and ECSSFG to the restaurant.  Much to the delight of the rest of us, one ECSSFG decided to use this van ride to vent in a typical American style:

"Look," half looped ECSSFG postured to the driver, "the automobile was invented in America, right?  The automobile was first manufactured in America, right?"  

The driver did not respond.

"So," ECSSFG continued, ignoring the driver's silence, "what on earth possessed you to move the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"  

You could tell ECSSFG was genuine in his inquiry, and the driver let a small smile escape (which is the British equivalent of a hearty laugh).

In any case, SFG and ECSSFG made it safely to "Achari, Flavour of India", the locally recommended curry house.

And the curry was fabulous, as it always is in London.  SFG and ECSSFG decided to order a half dozen or so appetizers and a half dozen entrees and just split them all up.  SFG loved the fried onion bhajees as an appetizer (as wiki says, think potato fritters).  Additionally, SFG forcefully argued that one of the entrees should be a spicy lamb vindaloo, despite the hesitant misgivings of ECSSFG.  The lamb vindaloo ultimately inspired the "that's balls" comment, so Spicy Food Guy felt extremely vindicated.

The curry sauces were packed with flavor, with tastes of tumeric, garlic, ginger, and mustard.  The meats were tender, the beer cold, the staff proud, the company fine.  All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable UK evening.

Next morning, Spicy Food Guy had baked beans for breakfast.  Sometimes everything goes right.

PS, "Baked Beans for Breakfast", by Ruth Chew, was one of SFG's favorite childhood books.  Coincidence, or a higher level of order that sustains balance in the universe?  SFG thinks its all just one big mystery. 

Best Cajun Appetizer Ever

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Covington Kentucky.  

From a food perspective, the trip didn't look all that promising at first.  SFG rode in a small airplane, ate airport food, drank airport beer, stayed in an airport hotel, you get the drift.

So imagine Spicy Food Guy's delightful reaction to being guided to Dee Felice Cafe, a homey and authentic cajun restaurant that seems to have been tossed into the middle of Northern Kentucky via some wormhole in the New Orlean's space time continuum.  It's a cozy little space with friendly staff, lots of window seating, and a little stage to accommodate live jazz from Tuesdays through Saturdays.  Spicy Food Guy liked the place immediately.

And then came the two appetizers, both of which Spicy Food Guy rates right up there with the best of any appetizers he has consumed as part of his lifetime habit of eating food.  Appetizer one, Ricardo's Ravioli, was a deep fried ricotta and jalapeño ravioli that was covered in a jalapeño and crawfish cream sauce.  The other was a grilled portabella mushroom with chicken and slathered with a fresh leek cream sauce.  Both appetizers were fabulous, the ravioli in particular was captivating. 

Spicy Food Guy can't put his finger on what exactly amped up his attraction to the ravioli, but it had a lot to do with there being a lot more substance to the dish than meets the eye.  First seen, the appetizer looks like something directly out of a swanky Manhattan "Froo Froo" Restaurant; kind of spoiled and pretentious and only to be consumed by uptight foodies and restaurant critics.  But, as it turns out, the ravioli has a real country and southern comfort flavor that is both simple (from the cream and pasta) and complex (from the crawfish and jalapeño) at the same time.  And, best of all, a nice streak of spice and heat runs through the entire dish, adding a sort of seduction element to the whole appetizer.  At it's essence, the ravioli represents everything Spicy Food Guy celebrates and loves when it comes to food.  It captured SFG's heart, forever.

So don't miss this place if you are in the Cincinnati area.  And send SFG some ravioli on your way out the door.  Spicy Food Guy misses it.  Really.       

Refried Beans, Jalapeño Peppers, and How to Eat at All-Inclusive Resorts

"I bet I can eat refried beans and jalapeño peppers for 12 straight meals."

So did Spicy Food Guy toss out his "Cool Hand Luke" challenge to his family members, all of whom rolled their eyes and went back to enjoying the sun and warmth of the Riviera Maya.

As it turns out, Spicy Food Guy rather enjoyed the refried beans and jalapeño pepper challenge, though it became the bane of existence for those who had to share the same bathroom as SFG

Spicy Food Guy and his family were enjoying some quality time at the Occidental Grand Xcaret a couple months back.  In prior years, the SFG family had vacationed at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya.  All-Inclusive Resorts are hit and miss establishments when it comes to food.  A quick perusal of Tripadvisor.com will show reviews that range anywhere from "the resort had the most fabulous food ever and I gained 10 pounds" to "I couldn't find a single dish that wasn't undercooked and my husband ended up in the hospital with food poisoning."  But given that SFG has some experience in these types of resorts, he thought he'd provide some guidance to those vacationers that might be headed down for their first visit.

But first some setup; most of the food service offerings in all inclusive resorts work in the same general manner.  A grand buffet anchors most of the meals, the selection is huge, and you can eat there with no reservations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Most evenings the grand buffet has a specific theme, such as seafood, Mexican, or Italian.  In addition to the buffet, most resorts offer pool side lunch cafe's where you can get standard lunch fare -- tacos, burgers, pizza, hot dogs, nachos, that sort of thing.  Finally, all the resorts will have anywhere from two to five standalone dinner restaurants that require reservations and have some sort of dress code.  The restaurants range anywhere from Japanese to Mediterranean to Steakhouses.  Finally, most places offer some limited version of room service.

So how in the hell do you decide where to go and what to eat?  As I said, Spicy Food Guy is here to help.
  
Tip 1 -- Go big on breakfast. First, it doesn't take much to prepare a fairly elegant breakfast, and most resorts do a terrific job of setting up a nice brunch-like atmosphere.  A good omelet, prepared in front of you with your ingredients of choice, is always a great way to start the day.  And because most resorts are located in sunny warm environments, there is almost always a broad selection of fresh fruit.  The kids can enjoy cereal, scrambled eggs, or french toast.  Spicy Food Guy generally steers away from bacon and sausages, mostly because they always appear to be undercooked.  Plus, making breakfast the big meal of the day gives you at least a remote chance of burning off some calories before day's end.

Tip 2 -- Go local.  Shockingly, the best food in most Mexican resorts is, well, Mexican.  It's what they know.  The pica de gallo is always fresh and delicious.  The refried beans are outstanding.  Tinga Pueblana, Mexican pulled pork, practically melts in your mouth.  It always cracks Spicy Food Guy to read a tripadvisor.com review that says "We were really disappointed with the food at the Italian restaurant in the resort".  Really?  You were?  Spicy Food Guy is always soooo tempted to leave a comment like "No shit, bright eyes, Italy was located on another damn continent last time I checked.  Of course the Italian food sucks in Mexico.  Dumbass."  But SFG never writes this, he just thinks it.

Tip 3 -- Lunch 1 and Lunch 2.  This is a food strategy that was developed by Independent Thinking Stepdaughter of SFG (ITSOSFG).  Most of the poolside lunch cafe's are open from about 11:30 to 2:30, and they are jam packed from 12:15 to about 1:30.  So ITSOSFG came up with the brilliant idea of having a smallish lunch around 11:30 when the crowds were light and the food had just been set out, and then repeating the process at about 2:00.  Lunch 1 and lunch 2.  Helps stop binge eating, you get a quiet lunch, and really fast service.  Brilliant.

Tip 4 -- Avoid shellfish.  Admittedly, this is kind of a no-brainer.  The chances of getting food poisoning from shellfish, especially when served raw, is well documented and known.  Now Spicy Food Guy loves oysters, but he is not about to risk a spending a sunny day in the Riviera Maya vomiting in his bathroom.  Just stay away from the shellfish.

Tip 5 -- Straight from the bottle.  We all know American and European tummies don't always handle Mexican water very well.  So avoid it.  Drink water from water bottles.  Drink beer or soda poured from a bottle.  And is there anything finer than the thoughtful, well timed tequila shot?  Spicy Food Guy thinks not.

Spicy Food Guy hopes you enjoy your trip, and he highly recommends the jalapeño peppers and refried beans.  Peace out, Amigos.

Flatulence and Sushi in New Jersey

OK, so Spicy Food Guy, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, traveled from New York City to northern New Jersey late last week to wrap up some unfinished business.

For lodging, SFG elected to stay at a nondescript Marriott.  And to get his daily workout in, Spicy Food Guy elected to work out in the Marriott fitness center.

That's when the trouble began.

First, SFG is obligated to point out that the Marriott fitness center is not a fitness center, per se.  Rather, it is a converted hotel room or suite that can comfortably hold about six people.  And that's about how many were there that fateful day last week.

Early in the morning, SFG decided to do some ab crunches.  Bad idea.  Halfway into the set, SFG experienced some, how should we say this?  Flatulence.

Or rather, for Spicy Food Guy it was more like:

Flat-a-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-ulence.

If you get SFG's drift. 

Everyone froze for like three seconds.  What to do?  There really is no appropriate response in this situation, either for the flatulence producer or the startled innocent bystanders who are deciding whether to flee or fight through it, so to speak.

Spicy Food Guy, however, was in the midst of silent prayer:

"Please Lord," implored SFG, "let this be the light-misty-morning aroma.  Please don't be the rare and dreaded rotting-dead-mammal cloud of poison."

Of course it was the dead mammals.

In business parlance, there was no upside here for SFG.  Time to crawl away and die of mortal embarrassment.  But Spicy Food Guy did not die of mortal embarrassment.  Instead, he decided to go out for sushi with some colleagues.

(Pause here.  SFG recognizes the inherent awkwardness in the above transition from gym flatulence to sushi, but the gym thing was funny, and Spicy Food Guy needed to weave it in the story somehow.)

Now to establish context, Spicy Food Guy is a reasonably seasoned sushi eater.  SFG has eaten a lot of good sushi in a lot of places, east coast to west coast.  So let it be known here that SFG found the Sushi Lounge in Morristown NJ to be among the finest sushi dinners he has ever had anywhere.

SFG knows your response.  It weirds him out, too.

Let's say you are a fan of sushi.  Let's say you are a fan of Chilean Sea Bass.  The Sushi Lounge has combined the best of both into the Chilean Sea Bass Roll, marinated in a yuzu and soy glaze and as fabulous a sushi roll that SFG has ever put into his mouth.  There is also a Tempura Sea Bass Roll.  The flaky tenderness of the sea bass combines with the crunch of the tempura so that the whole roll is a culinary explosion of texture and taste.

SFG and his colleagues also enjoyed the Lobster Crunch Roll, which combines lobster, crab, wasabi, toasted almonds, and endamame.  Who thought of this?  They should win an award.  Several awards.

And what of the Baja Roll?  Soft shell crab and shrimp tempura, guacamole, roasted red peppers and served with a mustard dressing.  Does SFG really need to explain how delicious this was?

So pleasantly surprised, Spicy Food Guy filled his belly with some of the most interesting and tasty sushi rolls he has ever had.  And the atmosphere of the Sushi Lounge is both light yet intimate, so it has a quirkiness that lends itself to good company and conversation.

Go to the Sushi Lounge.  Stay at the Marriott.

Spicy Food Guy will see you in the gym.

Tasty BBQ in Times Square

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week.  Destination for this trip?  Times Square, baby!

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of Times Square, largely because it allows him to participate in radically disparate activities in a very confined geographic area.

Typical evening outing for SFG and his buddies in Times Square:

• Go to an Irish Pub for a quick 'lube and oil change, if you get SFG's drift.
• Amble over to ESPN Zone to watch multiple sports games on multiple huge screens.  Sip on a beer and munch on some wings while yelling random animated coaching tips for said sports teams on said screens.
• Stop by the M&M Store (of course there's one!) and buy a gift for the family.
• Go back to Irish Pub.
• Go to a random diner (open 24 hours) and eat eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast.
• Go to hotel and sleep.

A hundred bucks says there is no other place in the world where SFG can do all that within 2 city blocks.  You gotta love the Big Apple.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

On this particular trip, SFG was in the mood for some good old fashioned BBQ and Southern Comfort foods, so off he went to Virgil's BBQ on the corner of 44th and Broadway.  Spicy Food Guy was arriving at Virgil's after an hour or two at ESPN Zone, so he was ready to chow down.

And chow down SFG did.  SFG ordered two meats, memphis ribs and a texas sausage link.  The ribs had a fabulous smoke ring and a really nice dry rub crust on the outside.  The outside char was offset by the tender and delicious pink meat on the inside.  The sausage link had garlic and chile pepper spices and was a juicy mix of pork meat and fat.  And the condiments!  Three or four different bbq sauces, several hot sauces, mustard.

To make sure SFG had some daily servings of "vegetables", he ordered baked beans (with big chunks of maplewood bacon) and cheese grits.  The cheese grits were creamy, not lumpy, and served steaming hot.  

As an indication of how much he enjoyed the meal, SFG texted the Boy (SFG's son) with the following message (true story):

"Buuuurrrrrrrrrrp"

Elegant prose.  Brought to you by Spicy Food Guy.  And next time you make it to the Big Apple, get to Virgil's.  Go hungry.  Stay late.

Peace out.

Chicago Part III: A Train Ride to the Gold Coast

No, not to Australia.  Something better.

It all started at 7:00am CST, when Spicy Food Guy's cell phone rang in his hotel room.

"Good Morning!" chirped Fabulous Administrative Assistant of Spicy Food Guy (FAASFG), "Your flight back to Pittsburgh is cancelled.  Almost all flights are cancelled.  I re-booked you on the one remaining American Eagle flight that departs O'Hare at 1:15!"

"Urgh", replied SFG, who not only had been fast asleep, but had a rather extended evening the night before involving an Irish pub and Portillo's hot dogs.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" chirped FAASFG, "Call me if you can't get home!"

FAASFG is a peach.  Really.

So SFG lumbered over to the hotel window and pushed back the curtains.  It was snowing, in technical meteorological terms, to beat the band.  Time to get the hell out of Chicago.

SFG cleaned himself up and went down to the lobby to join forces with Fun and Favorite Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG).

"The hotel staff is recommending we take the train to O'Hare because the roads are so bad," said one FFCSFG helpfully, "and the train station is only a block and a half away!"

So off SFG and FFCSFG  tromped in the heavy snowfall to find the entrance to the train station.  SFG found an entrance, but only for train pass holders.  A very helpful sign instructed that the "main entrance is one and a half blocks east".

Beg pardon?

There, standing in the heavy snowfall, SFG and FFCSFG discovered to our chagrin that not one of us had brought a compass to our business trip there in downtown Chicago.  Imagine.

So while SFG and FFCSFG stood there blinking in the snow, looking up at the skyscrapers to see if any of them had a big sign saying "East: that way" with a big arrow pointing the way east, fate intervened in the person of Loud Homeless Guy with Toilet Paper in His Pocket (LHGTPIHP).  "YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR THE ENTRANCE TO THE TRAIN STATION?" semi-shrieked LHGTPIHP.  "FOLLOW ME I KNOW THE WAY!"

And he did.  So for the low low price of a couple of bucks, SFG and FFCSFG got a personal escort to the train station.

So after saying good-bye to LHGTPIPH, taking a men's room smelling elevator down three levels, and making only a couple of wrong turns, SFG and FFCSFG finally plopped themselves in some seats on a train headed to O'Hare.  Adventure over.

Riggggghhhhht.

Twelve short minutes into the ride, deep underground, the train stops.  Complete stop.  No power.  A sound like a car engine failing to turn over rings through the train about three times.

"I've lived in Chicago for 10 years," offered one passenger, "and this has never happened." 

Of course not.

Several minutes go by.  Then over the loudspeakers:

"Attention passengers, we have an advanced problem with the train."

What?????

SFG thought the word advanced a quite interesting choice of adjectives.  "Actually", announced SFG to his fellow passengers, "I think there is a quite basic problem with the train."

This got no laughs.

So everyone sat in silence for a few minutes.  Then a new development: in the car ahead of us, and then in our car, someone starts pounding on the train doors.  From the outside.

"What do you think that is?" asked one passenger a little fearfully, breaking the silence in the train.

"This is the part," chimed in a cheerful SFG, "when the vampires attack!"

This actually got a lot of laughs.

Finally, about five minutes later, the train starts up again.  Then this announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, do not stand near the doors.  The train is going 50 miles per hour.  If you stand near the doors, you will fall out and die."

What????

This was about the time SFG started really, really hoping that his flight home would not be cancelled.

Finally, SFG and FFCSFG arrived at O'Hare.  After finding the terminal, doing the security dance, and finding out the flight home was only delayed a couple of hours, it was time to eat.

Gold Coast Hot Dogs, baby.  That's what the occasion called for.  Another world famous chili cheese dog, the second one in as many days.  And it was delicious -- steamy poppyseed bun, snappy hot dog casing, great chili and high calorie mega-transfat melted cheese. 

SFG loved it, and now there are two hot dog places in Chicago that SFG loves.  SFG looks forward to consuming a few more.

Maybe this summer.
 

Chicago Part II -- Escape to Portillos

Portillo's was not the planned dinner destination.  And while it didn't take a prison escape to get there, some stealth was indeed involved.

But Spicy Food Guy gets ahead of himself.

SFG and 12 fun and favorite colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG) were in Chicago to debate if Anakin Skywalker should enter jedi training and ultimately bring balance to the universe.

Not really.

Hosting SFG and FFCSFG were trendy Chicago based colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (TCBCSFG) and they announced the morning of the meeting that dinner that evening would be "A wine bar and pizza/pasta place".

Multiple alarm buzzers went off in SFG's head. 

By law, any pizza consumed in Chicago must be deep dish.  It has to have meat.  It has to weigh 35 pounds.  One time several years ago, SFG was in Chicago for an informal meeting that was in walking distance from SFG's hotel.  SFG stopped at Giordano's world famous deep dish pizza place and picked up a big old pizza for his lunch (SFG intended to share).  When SFG got to the building where the meeting was, the lobby guard assumed SFG was a pizza delivery guy.  True story.

But Spicy Food Guy sooooo digresses.

SFG quickly ascertained that any pizza associated with a wine bar was unlikely to be deep dish.  In fact, this wine bar pizza place sounded like it was going to be one of those downtown trendy froo froo restaurant places.

Bingo.

Now, in all fairness, TCBCSFG were tickled with their decision, and TCBCSFG are smart, nice, passionate people and SFG really likes them.  SFG was determined to make the best of it.  But when SFG walked in, he immediately noted the following:

1) The servers were dressed all in black.
2) The tables were packed tightly together.
3) The wineglasses were oversized.

Indeed this was a trendy froo froo downtown place.  SFG enjoyed the wine, the company, the roasted artichokes, and the pizza (not all of it; the young woman seated next to SFG had a pizza with a topping that can only be described as a baby greens salad).  So it was fine as trendy downtown spots go, but SFG yearned for more.

That's about when the plotting began.

As it turned out, the FFCSFG seated next to SFG had grown up in Chicago, and swore he could not leave town until he had eaten an Italian Beef Sandwich from Portillo's, a famous hot dog and sandwich place that is a big favorite of Chicago natives.

And there was a Portillo's location not just two blocks away.

"We're going there after this dinner", SFG whispered to FFCSFG, "alert the others".

So very quietly the word spread, and a total of four FFCSFGs agreed to the plan.  They all happened to be male.

So as dessert was wrapping up, SFG and the four FFCSFGs stood up to quietly slip out.  A particularly astute TCBCSFG saw the exchange of glances and very wrongly assumed SFG and pals were headed to a strip club.  A strip club?  When there are chili cheese dogs to be had?  Surely TCBCSFG jested, but still, some clarification was required and SFG had to come clean on the evening's plot.  So good-bye's were said, and SFG and the four FFCSFGs stepped outside.

Cold.

Really, really cold.  Brutal cold.  Chicago lake wind cold.  We made it a block before SFG announced "We can't stay out here, we must take refuge in this Irish pub we are standing next to."

So refuge was taken.  For 40 minutes or so.  And when SFG and FFCSFGs had each had a couple of pints of refuge, it was time to soldier on the last half block or so to Portillo's.

And what can SFG say about Portillo's?  Only that it's hot Italian sausage is fabulous beyond measure, that SFG wolfed down the chili cheese dog inside about three minutes, that the Maxwell Street style polish sausage has terrific flavor.  Is SFG saying he had one of each?  SFG takes the fifth, and seconds and thirds.  At least while he is dining at Portillos.

The Chicago native FFCSFG had his Italian beef sandwich fix, and he insisted we all taste the tamales.  While the tamales weren't bad, the hot itailian sausage was voted best in class by SFG and a couple of non-native FFCSFGs.

So that's the tale of two restaurants.  And Portillo's is now a must stop eatery when SFG hits Chicago.  Go there.

Part I -- Chicago in Winter is "Hot as a Mutha"

Question:

Why was Spicy Food Guy's decision to consume two deep fried habanero peppers at dinner in Chicago last week so similar to (then) President Bush's decision to invade Iraq in 2002?

Answer:

In our anxiousness to attack, neither of us really thought through how painful the exit strategy would be.

But Spicy Food Guy is getting ahead of himself.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in the Windy City last week.  Fortunately for SFG, he was joined by 12 Fun and Favorite Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG).  And very fortunately for FFCSFG, they were wise enough to allow SFG to select the dinner venue.

So off we went to Heaven on Seven, one of SFG's all time favorite restaurants.  Anywhere.

And because SFG and FFCSFG made a nice baker's dozen at the dinner table, sharing appetizers and entrees was the strategy of the evening.

It began deliciously and innocently enough:  fried green tomatoes, grilled andouille sausage on sweet potato polenta (which tasted angelic, given we were in Heaven), fried oysters, crab cakes.  Then, somewhere into about beer two, SFG decided to order up a "Hot as a Mutha", which is a deep fried whole habanero pepper served in a bed of mango salsa.

SFG found the fried pepper to have a great texture, with the softness of the pepper offsetting the crunch of the batter.  And like most habanero's, the pepper had sweet fruity overtones.  And it was hot as fiery hell blazes.

So Spicy Food Guy felt very strongly that FFCSFG had to have a piece of this action.  So he ordered another.

With various degrees of bravado, enthusiasm (or total lack thereof), and trepidation did FFCSFG approach their slices of the fried habanero.  Some actually enjoyed it and have the potential to become real chileheads.  Others of FFCSFG acted as if their tongues had been seared by living fire (this was especially true of the one FFCSFG who happens to have the physique of a pro wrestler).  Some hid under the table.  

Soon enough the commotion settled and everyone had a fabulous meal.  As a reward for the habanero's, SFG and FFCSFG ended the meal with slices of chocolate peanut butter pie and mississippi mud pie. 

Here is what Spicy Food Guy has to say about these desserts -- you want this.  You really, really want this.

So declares SFG.

Bone-In Bison in Rhode Island and an Apology to Munch

We interrupt this blog entry for the following announcement.

Spicy Food Guy had an "Oh Shit" moment this week when Munch posted a comment on SFG's recent blog entry. As my 3 regular readers probably know, Munch is a REAL food writer for a REAL newspaper, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

Now Munch's comment was nice and helpful enough, but SFG sensed an underlying recalcitrance toward SFG that is wholly deserved.

See, when SFG started this blog a couple of years back, he copied Munch's literary device of referring to himself and his friends in the 3rd person and using initials. For example, Third Rate Food Blogger Fan of Munch would be designated as TRFBFOM in Munch's column. SFG should have published a disclosure about this when he began his blog, but frankly, SFG never thought anybody would ever give his blog any meaningful attention.

So anyway, Munch, I apologize for not having acknowledged how I copied your literary device. To correct this, I have added a permanent disclosure box to the left of my posts and below the blog labels. Let me know if this disclosure brings justice to your Munchly heart. And, also, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell do you think of my blog?

OK, SFG has soooo digressed from the subject at hand, which is bone-in bison.

But first, let's start by stating that for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Providence, Rhode Island (Note to Munch, this "best left unknown" thing is an oft repeated phrase in SFG's blog. You''ll be happy to know I made it up).

So anyway, SFG and a group of Very Polite and Gracefull Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (VPAGCOSFG) went to dinner at the ultra-swanky, superbly elegant, and rather arrogant (really) Mills Tavern. Mills Tavern has won a ton of awards and accolades, and the waiter's state, with very real confidence, that "the lamb will be the best lamb you have ever tasted". He said that. Really.

Now, on this particular evening, the entree in discussion between the waiter and VPAGCOSFG was the wood grilled 28oz bone-in bison tomahawk rib chop glazed in peppadew ketchup. The waiter insisted it was an experience not to be missed, that, cooked medium rare, the bison chop would be one of the most succulent culinary experiences of our collective lifetimes. VPAGCOSFG were concerned about the serving size -- 28 ounces -- it seemed like too much.

So the waiter said, with a straight face, and SFG swears he is not making this up:

"The bone itself weighs about nine ounces."

VPAGCOSFG nodded thoughtfully and graciously. Spicy Food Guy gurgled a sort of high pitched choke. Because, in his boyishly immature soul, SFG was shrieking hysterically.

"The BONE weighs nine OUNCES", silently shrieked Spicy Food Guy, the operative word being silently, "That's what SHE SAID. Maybe for YOU, little man! Maybe you need a NEW BONE!" SFG was convulsing.

"Are you OK?" VPAGCOSFG asked politely.

"Ummmpphh,huhhuhhuh," SFG answered, desperately trying to keep the lid on.

In the end, SFG and VPAGCOSFG agreed to order the mixed shellfish platter, bison, the lamb, the venison, and just kind of split it up so that everybody could try everything.

Let it be said Mills Tavern has earned the right to be arrogant. The roasted lamb, encrusted in horseradish and mustard, served on a bed of goat cheese mashed potatoes, was indeed some of the best lamb SFG has ever tasted. The bison was rich and delicious, and SFG Noted that one of the VPAGCOSFGs didn't share as much of the bison as SFG had anticipated. The venison was spectacular. For sides, the group had pan roasted mushrooms, mac & cheese, and old fashioned baked beans.

All in all, Spicy Food Guy considered Mills Tavern one of his finer dining experiences, an experience that could almost make SFG a Foodie. A real Foodie. Like my buddy Munch.

An Unexpected Arrival, a Seattle Scramble, and a Spanish Tapa Featuring Octopus

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American General Public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week. This time the trip was to Seattle, via Detroit on Northwest Airlines.

The plane lands about 6:00 PST, a tad early, and the pilot makes the following announcement:

"We will have to wait a few minutes before we can deboard the plane. The Ground Crew wasn't expecting us."

Really?

Spicy Food Guy has a very difficult time buying the Pilot's story. The flight had been in the public record for at least six months; some passengers on the plane had made their reservations over 100 days ago. And if the public record was too enigmatic, it turns out that there are dozens of electronic signs throughout the airport that say "Arrivals" with all the flights and times right there for any casual observer can see. Spicy Food Guy posits that a Grounds Crew would have to try very hard not to be aware of the inbound Northwest flight from Detroit.

Spicy Food Guy imagines two guys playing cards in the jetway having the following conversation:

HANK: "Was that the doorbell?"

BOB: "Sure was. Were you expecting anyone?"

HANK: "No. Let me look out the window."

BOB: "Who's there?"

HANK: "I'll be damned. It's a big airplane, and it's full of people!"

BOB: "This is so unexpected."

But Spicy food guy sooo digresses. The trip to Seattle was actually a great success, and it all started with some great hotel food at the Airport Marriott. And as us frequent travelers know, finding great hotel food is right up there with a unicorn sighting: happens rarely to never.

First, there were the Buffalo Tempura Wings from the lobby bar, which were actually strips of chicken breast fried in a light tempura batter. Add some hot buffalo sauce and blue cheese. Fabulous after a transatlantic flight. SFG had three orders. Really.

Then there was the breakfast at the Aquaterra restaurant right next to the lobby. SFG had the Seattle Scramble: smoked salmon, lightly scrambled eggs, and cream cheese, all mixed together and seasoned with dill. All in all, a salmon lover's dream, though SFG ascertained that the payoff ingredient was the cream cheese (it looked to SFG that the chef used about 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of cream cheese, and about a 1/2 cup of smoked salmon, for those of you who want to try this at home).

As it happens, this hotel dining was all a warm-up for what turned out to be a culinary extravaganza at the downtown Spanish Tapas restaurant, the Harvest Vine.

But first a bit about the company joining SFG. The leadoff batters were two Female Midwestern Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), bringing their Pennsylvania taste buds to a west coast culinary show. Also joining SFG were two West Coast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (WCCOSFG). WCCOSFG are snazzy dressers with sharp shirts and jackets. Spicy Food Guy always feels like a slob when he is with them. Rounding out the company were Elk Hunting Friend of Spicy Food Guy (EHFOSFG), a long-time friend of SFG with a sharp and peculiar sense of humor, and Falsely Modest Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), who ordered the wine. SFG details all this because, at the end of the day, this was a company worth keeping. Had the food been horrific, which it was not, SFG would have enjoyed his table. And it's not always like that, out on the road.

The dinner began with FMCOSFG insisting that he wasn't qualified to order the wine, given how little he knew about the nectar of the gods. "I really don't know much," shrugged FMCOSFG, "except what I learned during the two months my wife and I lived in the vineyards of Northern Spain."

What?

Turns out the wine was an excellent surprise. Nessa Albarino. A Spanish white wine with medium body, citrus overtones, and hints of European Basketball. SFG loved it.

The tapas were beyond fabulous. SFG was shocked at how much he enjoyed the "Ensalada de Remolachas", red and yellow beet slices with garlic and vinegar. An off-the-menu tapa was grilled vinison with chard, and the bitterness of the greens was the perfect offset for the wild grilled taste of the deer. The fois gras melted in SFG's mouth. And the Octopus! The "Pulpo da Feira" on crackers made even the conservative FMCOSFGs re-think their culinary disposition regarding eight legged entrees.

So Seattle was splendid, the food was rich and delicious, and the company couldn't be beat. So says Spicy Food Guy.