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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bone-In Bison in Rhode Island and an Apology to Munch

We interrupt this blog entry for the following announcement.

Spicy Food Guy had an "Oh Shit" moment this week when Munch posted a comment on SFG's recent blog entry. As my 3 regular readers probably know, Munch is a REAL food writer for a REAL newspaper, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

Now Munch's comment was nice and helpful enough, but SFG sensed an underlying recalcitrance toward SFG that is wholly deserved.

See, when SFG started this blog a couple of years back, he copied Munch's literary device of referring to himself and his friends in the 3rd person and using initials. For example, Third Rate Food Blogger Fan of Munch would be designated as TRFBFOM in Munch's column. SFG should have published a disclosure about this when he began his blog, but frankly, SFG never thought anybody would ever give his blog any meaningful attention.

So anyway, Munch, I apologize for not having acknowledged how I copied your literary device. To correct this, I have added a permanent disclosure box to the left of my posts and below the blog labels. Let me know if this disclosure brings justice to your Munchly heart. And, also, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell do you think of my blog?

OK, SFG has soooo digressed from the subject at hand, which is bone-in bison.

But first, let's start by stating that for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Providence, Rhode Island (Note to Munch, this "best left unknown" thing is an oft repeated phrase in SFG's blog. You''ll be happy to know I made it up).

So anyway, SFG and a group of Very Polite and Gracefull Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (VPAGCOSFG) went to dinner at the ultra-swanky, superbly elegant, and rather arrogant (really) Mills Tavern. Mills Tavern has won a ton of awards and accolades, and the waiter's state, with very real confidence, that "the lamb will be the best lamb you have ever tasted". He said that. Really.

Now, on this particular evening, the entree in discussion between the waiter and VPAGCOSFG was the wood grilled 28oz bone-in bison tomahawk rib chop glazed in peppadew ketchup. The waiter insisted it was an experience not to be missed, that, cooked medium rare, the bison chop would be one of the most succulent culinary experiences of our collective lifetimes. VPAGCOSFG were concerned about the serving size -- 28 ounces -- it seemed like too much.

So the waiter said, with a straight face, and SFG swears he is not making this up:

"The bone itself weighs about nine ounces."

VPAGCOSFG nodded thoughtfully and graciously. Spicy Food Guy gurgled a sort of high pitched choke. Because, in his boyishly immature soul, SFG was shrieking hysterically.

"The BONE weighs nine OUNCES", silently shrieked Spicy Food Guy, the operative word being silently, "That's what SHE SAID. Maybe for YOU, little man! Maybe you need a NEW BONE!" SFG was convulsing.

"Are you OK?" VPAGCOSFG asked politely.

"Ummmpphh,huhhuhhuh," SFG answered, desperately trying to keep the lid on.

In the end, SFG and VPAGCOSFG agreed to order the mixed shellfish platter, bison, the lamb, the venison, and just kind of split it up so that everybody could try everything.

Let it be said Mills Tavern has earned the right to be arrogant. The roasted lamb, encrusted in horseradish and mustard, served on a bed of goat cheese mashed potatoes, was indeed some of the best lamb SFG has ever tasted. The bison was rich and delicious, and SFG Noted that one of the VPAGCOSFGs didn't share as much of the bison as SFG had anticipated. The venison was spectacular. For sides, the group had pan roasted mushrooms, mac & cheese, and old fashioned baked beans.

All in all, Spicy Food Guy considered Mills Tavern one of his finer dining experiences, an experience that could almost make SFG a Foodie. A real Foodie. Like my buddy Munch.


  1. I have eaten there, i had the escargo and a steak..will have to try bison sounds good..definatly an arrogant place, luckily they give military discounts otehrwise my lacking military paycheck would have screamed in total anguish.

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