Best Cajun Appetizer Ever

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Covington Kentucky.  

From a food perspective, the trip didn't look all that promising at first.  SFG rode in a small airplane, ate airport food, drank airport beer, stayed in an airport hotel, you get the drift.

So imagine Spicy Food Guy's delightful reaction to being guided to Dee Felice Cafe, a homey and authentic cajun restaurant that seems to have been tossed into the middle of Northern Kentucky via some wormhole in the New Orlean's space time continuum.  It's a cozy little space with friendly staff, lots of window seating, and a little stage to accommodate live jazz from Tuesdays through Saturdays.  Spicy Food Guy liked the place immediately.

And then came the two appetizers, both of which Spicy Food Guy rates right up there with the best of any appetizers he has consumed as part of his lifetime habit of eating food.  Appetizer one, Ricardo's Ravioli, was a deep fried ricotta and jalapeño ravioli that was covered in a jalapeño and crawfish cream sauce.  The other was a grilled portabella mushroom with chicken and slathered with a fresh leek cream sauce.  Both appetizers were fabulous, the ravioli in particular was captivating. 

Spicy Food Guy can't put his finger on what exactly amped up his attraction to the ravioli, but it had a lot to do with there being a lot more substance to the dish than meets the eye.  First seen, the appetizer looks like something directly out of a swanky Manhattan "Froo Froo" Restaurant; kind of spoiled and pretentious and only to be consumed by uptight foodies and restaurant critics.  But, as it turns out, the ravioli has a real country and southern comfort flavor that is both simple (from the cream and pasta) and complex (from the crawfish and jalapeño) at the same time.  And, best of all, a nice streak of spice and heat runs through the entire dish, adding a sort of seduction element to the whole appetizer.  At it's essence, the ravioli represents everything Spicy Food Guy celebrates and loves when it comes to food.  It captured SFG's heart, forever.

So don't miss this place if you are in the Cincinnati area.  And send SFG some ravioli on your way out the door.  Spicy Food Guy misses it.  Really.       

Pennsylvania Pilots Wine in Grocery Stores (30 Years After Everyone Else)

Spicy Food Guy is highly amused by the following  news story from an article entitled "State pops the cork on wine kiosks" in today's Pittsburgh Post Gazette:

"The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board began a pilot program of wine-vending kiosks inside two Harrisburg area supermarkets on Wednesday.  If all goes well, similar kiosks may start popping up in Western Pennsylvania in August, said PLCB spokeswoman Stacey Witalec."

Let's make sure Spicy Food Guy has this straight:  Pennsylvania is piloting, in two whole locations, an adult beverage grocery distribution strategy that has been fully rolled out in the other 49 states for the past three decades?  Now, is this front page news because the media perceives the strategy as progressive, or because they view it as embarrassing? 

Spicy Food Guy can just envision next week's headline:

"Pennsylvania embarks on an ambitious 15 year development plan to sell beer in convenience stores".

Please someone help.

Refried Beans, Jalapeño Peppers, and How to Eat at All-Inclusive Resorts

"I bet I can eat refried beans and jalapeño peppers for 12 straight meals."

So did Spicy Food Guy toss out his "Cool Hand Luke" challenge to his family members, all of whom rolled their eyes and went back to enjoying the sun and warmth of the Riviera Maya.

As it turns out, Spicy Food Guy rather enjoyed the refried beans and jalapeño pepper challenge, though it became the bane of existence for those who had to share the same bathroom as SFG

Spicy Food Guy and his family were enjoying some quality time at the Occidental Grand Xcaret a couple months back.  In prior years, the SFG family had vacationed at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya.  All-Inclusive Resorts are hit and miss establishments when it comes to food.  A quick perusal of Tripadvisor.com will show reviews that range anywhere from "the resort had the most fabulous food ever and I gained 10 pounds" to "I couldn't find a single dish that wasn't undercooked and my husband ended up in the hospital with food poisoning."  But given that SFG has some experience in these types of resorts, he thought he'd provide some guidance to those vacationers that might be headed down for their first visit.

But first some setup; most of the food service offerings in all inclusive resorts work in the same general manner.  A grand buffet anchors most of the meals, the selection is huge, and you can eat there with no reservations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Most evenings the grand buffet has a specific theme, such as seafood, Mexican, or Italian.  In addition to the buffet, most resorts offer pool side lunch cafe's where you can get standard lunch fare -- tacos, burgers, pizza, hot dogs, nachos, that sort of thing.  Finally, all the resorts will have anywhere from two to five standalone dinner restaurants that require reservations and have some sort of dress code.  The restaurants range anywhere from Japanese to Mediterranean to Steakhouses.  Finally, most places offer some limited version of room service.

So how in the hell do you decide where to go and what to eat?  As I said, Spicy Food Guy is here to help.
  
Tip 1 -- Go big on breakfast. First, it doesn't take much to prepare a fairly elegant breakfast, and most resorts do a terrific job of setting up a nice brunch-like atmosphere.  A good omelet, prepared in front of you with your ingredients of choice, is always a great way to start the day.  And because most resorts are located in sunny warm environments, there is almost always a broad selection of fresh fruit.  The kids can enjoy cereal, scrambled eggs, or french toast.  Spicy Food Guy generally steers away from bacon and sausages, mostly because they always appear to be undercooked.  Plus, making breakfast the big meal of the day gives you at least a remote chance of burning off some calories before day's end.

Tip 2 -- Go local.  Shockingly, the best food in most Mexican resorts is, well, Mexican.  It's what they know.  The pica de gallo is always fresh and delicious.  The refried beans are outstanding.  Tinga Pueblana, Mexican pulled pork, practically melts in your mouth.  It always cracks Spicy Food Guy to read a tripadvisor.com review that says "We were really disappointed with the food at the Italian restaurant in the resort".  Really?  You were?  Spicy Food Guy is always soooo tempted to leave a comment like "No shit, bright eyes, Italy was located on another damn continent last time I checked.  Of course the Italian food sucks in Mexico.  Dumbass."  But SFG never writes this, he just thinks it.

Tip 3 -- Lunch 1 and Lunch 2.  This is a food strategy that was developed by Independent Thinking Stepdaughter of SFG (ITSOSFG).  Most of the poolside lunch cafe's are open from about 11:30 to 2:30, and they are jam packed from 12:15 to about 1:30.  So ITSOSFG came up with the brilliant idea of having a smallish lunch around 11:30 when the crowds were light and the food had just been set out, and then repeating the process at about 2:00.  Lunch 1 and lunch 2.  Helps stop binge eating, you get a quiet lunch, and really fast service.  Brilliant.

Tip 4 -- Avoid shellfish.  Admittedly, this is kind of a no-brainer.  The chances of getting food poisoning from shellfish, especially when served raw, is well documented and known.  Now Spicy Food Guy loves oysters, but he is not about to risk a spending a sunny day in the Riviera Maya vomiting in his bathroom.  Just stay away from the shellfish.

Tip 5 -- Straight from the bottle.  We all know American and European tummies don't always handle Mexican water very well.  So avoid it.  Drink water from water bottles.  Drink beer or soda poured from a bottle.  And is there anything finer than the thoughtful, well timed tequila shot?  Spicy Food Guy thinks not.

Spicy Food Guy hopes you enjoy your trip, and he highly recommends the jalapeño peppers and refried beans.  Peace out, Amigos.

10 Food Tips for New Graduates

Tip 1: Throw out the Ramen noodles.  All of them.  In the trash.  Now.  Nothing says "cheap college student who has no idea how to cook" more than a case of Ramen noodles.  So get rid of them.  Case closed.

Spicy Food Guy once lived in a college apartment, adorned with paper plates, 47 pizza delivery boxes stacked in the living room corner, and a fridge full of beer and a gallon jug of ketchup.

Spicy Food Guy has since grown up, and he is here to help.

You have just received your diploma, you are fortunate enough to have landed a real job.  A real apartment.  Real world.  How to navigate the grown-up world of food?  Here are nine more tips:

Tip 2:  Learn how to cook an elegant breakfast.  You spent four years eating Coco Puffs and cold pizza for breakfast.  Excellent while it lasted.  A couple of things:  1) breakfast is the easiest meal to learn how to cook well, and 2) if you have a guest for breakfast, chances are it is a very important guest.  So fry eggs.  Better yet, make an omelette with fresh peppers, onions, mushrooms, and local cheese.  Know how to flip it.  Sizzle up some bacon.  Slice up some toast.    Pour orange juice into a pitcher and put it on the dining room table.  Put some flowers in a vase. Win the morning, win his/her heart.

Tip 3:  Do not skimp on the basics.  Folger's coffee and store brand ice cream may have worked on the quad, but in the real world they send a very distinct signal -- "this kid is broke".  Time to upgrade.  Fresh roasted coffee beans.  Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Throw out your cheap beer, put a six pack of Carlsberg in the fridge.  Demonstrate you have an income.  

Tip 4:  Learn how to navigate a classy restaurant.  Admittedly, this takes some time and experience, and we have all come from different backgrounds, but Spicy Food Guy is here with the basics:  1) The female guest follows the Maitre D' to the table, 2) the female guests order first, 3) no one eats until everyone is served (please, no matter what circumstances, no matter how much everyone else says to go ahead, do not eat, ever, until everyone is served).  Also, dining utensils are used, in order, from the outside in.  If you are unsure of which fork or spoon or glass to use, wait and watch someone else first.  Better yet, defer to the server.  Ask which entree the chef prefers, ask what the best wine pairing is, treat your server as if they are the resident food and wine expert (which they are), and they will almost always reward you with fabulous service.  Trust Spicy Food Guy on this one.

Tip 5:  Salt and Pepper do not a spice cabinet make.  Fresh basil.  Onion powder.  Garlic salt. Oregano.  Thyme.  Cayenne pepper.  A stocked pantry makes you look worldly, and makes your dishes taste better.  Experiment on burgers, eggs, pasta, and chicken on the evenings you eat alone.  Find your signature.

Tip 6:  Man the Grill.  Any yahoo can cook up burgers and dogs on a sunny summer Sunday afternoon.  You can do better.  Learn the basics of charcoal vs gas grilling vs a smoker.  Figure out when to use direct or indirect heat.  Grill up some salmon on a cedar plank.  Serve up a succulent beer can chicken.  Be in demand at the cul-de-sac party.  

Tip 8:  Have a signature dish.  Spicy Food Guy can whip up some from-scratch Gumbo that breaks hearts.  Really.  It is just that good, but it wasn't always that way.  Took a bunch of years for SFG to get it right.  Put this on your bucket list: take several years and learn to prepare a dish that is fucking unparalleled among its peer set.  When SFG serves up his gumbo, he expects folks to respond "holy shit this is really good".  SFG is rarely disappointed.  Find your gumbo, discover your soul, win his/her heart.

Tip 9:  Take him/her/them to Brunch.  Brunch kicks ass.  It's on a Sunday, the pace is slow, the price is inexpensive, and the food is rarely bad.  You can really get to know someone over a long sit down brunch.  If your parents are in town, take them to the fanciest brunch in the region.  At most you are out $75, and you get a quality conversation with your Mom and Dad.  As a first date, a fancy brunch can't be beat.  There is time to linger, time to chat.  Mrs. SFG found out as much at the Grand Concourse in Pittsburgh in 2001.  Enough said.

Tip 10:  On a cold winter morning, bake cookies.  If they don't come running, the warm gooiness is yours to hog alone.

But they will come running.

So says Spicy Food Guy.  Peace out.

Flatulence and Sushi in New Jersey

OK, so Spicy Food Guy, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, traveled from New York City to northern New Jersey late last week to wrap up some unfinished business.

For lodging, SFG elected to stay at a nondescript Marriott.  And to get his daily workout in, Spicy Food Guy elected to work out in the Marriott fitness center.

That's when the trouble began.

First, SFG is obligated to point out that the Marriott fitness center is not a fitness center, per se.  Rather, it is a converted hotel room or suite that can comfortably hold about six people.  And that's about how many were there that fateful day last week.

Early in the morning, SFG decided to do some ab crunches.  Bad idea.  Halfway into the set, SFG experienced some, how should we say this?  Flatulence.

Or rather, for Spicy Food Guy it was more like:

Flat-a-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-ulence.

If you get SFG's drift. 

Everyone froze for like three seconds.  What to do?  There really is no appropriate response in this situation, either for the flatulence producer or the startled innocent bystanders who are deciding whether to flee or fight through it, so to speak.

Spicy Food Guy, however, was in the midst of silent prayer:

"Please Lord," implored SFG, "let this be the light-misty-morning aroma.  Please don't be the rare and dreaded rotting-dead-mammal cloud of poison."

Of course it was the dead mammals.

In business parlance, there was no upside here for SFG.  Time to crawl away and die of mortal embarrassment.  But Spicy Food Guy did not die of mortal embarrassment.  Instead, he decided to go out for sushi with some colleagues.

(Pause here.  SFG recognizes the inherent awkwardness in the above transition from gym flatulence to sushi, but the gym thing was funny, and Spicy Food Guy needed to weave it in the story somehow.)

Now to establish context, Spicy Food Guy is a reasonably seasoned sushi eater.  SFG has eaten a lot of good sushi in a lot of places, east coast to west coast.  So let it be known here that SFG found the Sushi Lounge in Morristown NJ to be among the finest sushi dinners he has ever had anywhere.

SFG knows your response.  It weirds him out, too.

Let's say you are a fan of sushi.  Let's say you are a fan of Chilean Sea Bass.  The Sushi Lounge has combined the best of both into the Chilean Sea Bass Roll, marinated in a yuzu and soy glaze and as fabulous a sushi roll that SFG has ever put into his mouth.  There is also a Tempura Sea Bass Roll.  The flaky tenderness of the sea bass combines with the crunch of the tempura so that the whole roll is a culinary explosion of texture and taste.

SFG and his colleagues also enjoyed the Lobster Crunch Roll, which combines lobster, crab, wasabi, toasted almonds, and endamame.  Who thought of this?  They should win an award.  Several awards.

And what of the Baja Roll?  Soft shell crab and shrimp tempura, guacamole, roasted red peppers and served with a mustard dressing.  Does SFG really need to explain how delicious this was?

So pleasantly surprised, Spicy Food Guy filled his belly with some of the most interesting and tasty sushi rolls he has ever had.  And the atmosphere of the Sushi Lounge is both light yet intimate, so it has a quirkiness that lends itself to good company and conversation.

Go to the Sushi Lounge.  Stay at the Marriott.

Spicy Food Guy will see you in the gym.

Tasty BBQ in Times Square

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week.  Destination for this trip?  Times Square, baby!

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of Times Square, largely because it allows him to participate in radically disparate activities in a very confined geographic area.

Typical evening outing for SFG and his buddies in Times Square:

• Go to an Irish Pub for a quick 'lube and oil change, if you get SFG's drift.
• Amble over to ESPN Zone to watch multiple sports games on multiple huge screens.  Sip on a beer and munch on some wings while yelling random animated coaching tips for said sports teams on said screens.
• Stop by the M&M Store (of course there's one!) and buy a gift for the family.
• Go back to Irish Pub.
• Go to a random diner (open 24 hours) and eat eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast.
• Go to hotel and sleep.

A hundred bucks says there is no other place in the world where SFG can do all that within 2 city blocks.  You gotta love the Big Apple.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

On this particular trip, SFG was in the mood for some good old fashioned BBQ and Southern Comfort foods, so off he went to Virgil's BBQ on the corner of 44th and Broadway.  Spicy Food Guy was arriving at Virgil's after an hour or two at ESPN Zone, so he was ready to chow down.

And chow down SFG did.  SFG ordered two meats, memphis ribs and a texas sausage link.  The ribs had a fabulous smoke ring and a really nice dry rub crust on the outside.  The outside char was offset by the tender and delicious pink meat on the inside.  The sausage link had garlic and chile pepper spices and was a juicy mix of pork meat and fat.  And the condiments!  Three or four different bbq sauces, several hot sauces, mustard.

To make sure SFG had some daily servings of "vegetables", he ordered baked beans (with big chunks of maplewood bacon) and cheese grits.  The cheese grits were creamy, not lumpy, and served steaming hot.  

As an indication of how much he enjoyed the meal, SFG texted the Boy (SFG's son) with the following message (true story):

"Buuuurrrrrrrrrrp"

Elegant prose.  Brought to you by Spicy Food Guy.  And next time you make it to the Big Apple, get to Virgil's.  Go hungry.  Stay late.

Peace out.

Breakfast With The Boy

9:00am on a Saturday morning, Spicy Food Guy and his only son (hereafter referred to affectionately as "the boy", with the keen knowledge that the label is only appropriate for maybe another year or two) are eating a couple of egg combos at the Dor-Stop, one of our favorite restaurants.

SFG and the boy are here following an early morning recreation 7th/8th grade boys basketball game.  SFG coaches.  The boy rebounds so well SFG is thinking of giving him the title "Chairman of the Boards".

It's been a great morning.  The boy's team was losing by 12 at half to a team that had no weapons except one future NBA star.  SFG made a half time adjustment on defense; switched from man-to-man to a three man triangle zone with the 4th kid following the ball and the boy following future NBA star wherever he went.  The boy, whose true sport is wrestling and looking at a 18 to 20 win season, was able to muscle the future star around, get him frustrated, and the boy's team went on a 18-4 run to win the game.  SFG envisions himself the Bill Belichick of the boy's hoops rec league.

But basketball is not the primary topic here at the Dor-Stop.  The boy is in 8th grade, and the topic is high school.  The start is 7 short months away, and the boy is assessing his options.

But first, some background about the boy.  Two things, actually.

First, the boy is blessed by what is best called natural gracefulness.  In athletics, the boy is liquid smooth.  Pure jump shot, sweet golf swing, a natural bowling throw; he is a quick, strong, balanced wrestler.  This natural athleticism both delights and pisses off the Boy's Sister and yours truly.  SFG, who received no athletic genes, has a golf swing that looks like an angry person trying to behead a groundhog who has just stuck his head out of a hole.  The boy's natural gracefulness goes beyond athletics.  He is a natural comedian with a sharp mind and quick wit.  He learns effortlessly.  Until he got braces, he was first chair trumpet.  He is beloved by his peers and teachers.  In short, he is popular and athletic like his Grandfather, intelligent and entertaining like his Sister.  SFG's job, apparently, was to serve as a gene carrier from one talented generation to another.  There are worse jobs, SFG supposes.

Point two about the boy; until very recently when he shot up out of nowhere, he was always in the 10th to 20th percentile for height and weight.  And he has a late August birthday, one of the youngest in his class.  The net of this was from grades 1 to 6 he was a head shorter than anyone else in his class.  Because of this circumstance, the boy learned the tough lessons of realistic expectations.  He got cut from a school basketball team because of his size (a move the middle school coach now profoundly regrets), and the boy turned to wrestling where he could compete against kids his own size.  Because of realistic expectations, the boy understands his role on any team he is on.  Someday he will come to understand just how valued that skill is.

But today we are talking about high school, and he is talking about his options.  Right now he is signed up for all Honor's classes.  Should he stick with that?  Or maybe back out of Honors English?  In wrestling, he can try out for varsity, where he will learn a lot but get his ass kicked, or he can wrestle JV or even down at the middle school team, where he will dominate his opponents but limit his development.  He is thinking about the Marching Band, but if his putting gets better he may have a shot on the 9th grade golf team.  The Theater Instructors are practically drooling for him to get involved with school plays.  His Sister had her share of lead roles when she was in high school and the boy is equally talented.  So many options.  Hard to choose.  He is being thoughtful.  A recurring statement is that high school team commitments take a lot of time and effort.  SFG, who occasionally does the right parenting thing, shuts up and listens.

On the inside, SFG is abundantly proud of the boy, but he is also jealous of the boy's powerful youth and limitless potential.  The boy is entering a time in his life when the horizon grows wide, the forks in the road become more delineated, the decisions are his to make, and his choices will lead to great adventure, ripping heartbreak, and fabulous victories that are beyond measure.  

SFG twirls the eggs on his fork and wryly wonders why his two biological children seem to have so much more class, maturity, and character than SFG ever had at their respective ages.  They are better and more interesting people than he was.  SFG is not quite certain whether this is an indictment against his own character, a case of first class parenting success, or this is just the way of things.  Maybe a combination of all three, sort of like SFG's egg combo.

And a word to Mt Lebanon High School.  Watch out and button down the hatches; the boy is almost upon you.