A Mouth-Watering Smooth and Spicy Habanero Garlic Mustard

Who is Danny Cash?

Spicy Food Guy has no earthly idea; probably some biker guy made good in the hot sauce business, to judge by the graphics. The look reminds Spicy Food Guy of his old army buddy from jump school about 100 years ago.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Whoever the real faces are behind Danny Cash out there in the Mile High City, they sure know a thing or three about making a first class spicy garlic mustard.

This particular mustard has a very familiar smooth yellow texture. It's American, dammit, not some grainy mamsy-pamsy high-fashion mustard spread on a whole-grain cracker by some corn-holing European guy with a false sense of self-righteousness and a dandruff-flaked black sweater who has never seen a Monday Night Football game in his entire miserable life.

Not at all.

Danny Cash Flaming Habanero Mustard kicks some ass. Despite the smooth texture, the garlic comes through in fine fashion. So does the heat, but not in an overbearing way. Have it on a bologna and cheese sandwich. On white bread.

And if you are a pretentious foodie type who wants to extol the virtues of grainy European mustard, go leave your comments somewhere else. Spicy Food Guy thinks you're a Pussy.

Sorch is Appropriately Named

No lies here.

No pepper extracts either.

Spicy Food Guy is generally disdainful of hot sauces made with pepper extracts. Extracts in hot sauces are like steroids in athletes. Cheating. Un-American. Godless. Counter to the very fabric of the universe.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Scorch is an all natural sauce made by the folks at CaJohn's. It's supposedly one of the hottest natural pepper sauces ever made. Not surprising, given it is made up of Fatalii Chiles, Red Savina Habaneros, and Orange Habaneros. And yes, it scorches, but not insanely so.

One of the big reasons Spicy Food Guy thinks Scorch is the bomb (har!) is that it is thick. Chunky thick. 60% pepper solids, according to John Hard, the formulator.

Scorch has the texture of a thick BBQ sauce, so it allows for delicate presentations if you are one of those uptight pretentious foodie types, in which case Scorch probably kicks your ass. Kinda serves you right. So says Spicy Food Guy.