An Unexpected Arrival, a Seattle Scramble, and a Spanish Tapa Featuring Octopus

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American General Public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week. This time the trip was to Seattle, via Detroit on Northwest Airlines.

The plane lands about 6:00 PST, a tad early, and the pilot makes the following announcement:

"We will have to wait a few minutes before we can deboard the plane. The Ground Crew wasn't expecting us."

Really?

Spicy Food Guy has a very difficult time buying the Pilot's story. The flight had been in the public record for at least six months; some passengers on the plane had made their reservations over 100 days ago. And if the public record was too enigmatic, it turns out that there are dozens of electronic signs throughout the airport that say "Arrivals" with all the flights and times right there for any casual observer can see. Spicy Food Guy posits that a Grounds Crew would have to try very hard not to be aware of the inbound Northwest flight from Detroit.

Spicy Food Guy imagines two guys playing cards in the jetway having the following conversation:

HANK: "Was that the doorbell?"

BOB: "Sure was. Were you expecting anyone?"

HANK: "No. Let me look out the window."

BOB: "Who's there?"

HANK: "I'll be damned. It's a big airplane, and it's full of people!"

BOB: "This is so unexpected."

But Spicy food guy sooo digresses. The trip to Seattle was actually a great success, and it all started with some great hotel food at the Airport Marriott. And as us frequent travelers know, finding great hotel food is right up there with a unicorn sighting: happens rarely to never.

First, there were the Buffalo Tempura Wings from the lobby bar, which were actually strips of chicken breast fried in a light tempura batter. Add some hot buffalo sauce and blue cheese. Fabulous after a transatlantic flight. SFG had three orders. Really.

Then there was the breakfast at the Aquaterra restaurant right next to the lobby. SFG had the Seattle Scramble: smoked salmon, lightly scrambled eggs, and cream cheese, all mixed together and seasoned with dill. All in all, a salmon lover's dream, though SFG ascertained that the payoff ingredient was the cream cheese (it looked to SFG that the chef used about 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of cream cheese, and about a 1/2 cup of smoked salmon, for those of you who want to try this at home).

As it happens, this hotel dining was all a warm-up for what turned out to be a culinary extravaganza at the downtown Spanish Tapas restaurant, the Harvest Vine.

But first a bit about the company joining SFG. The leadoff batters were two Female Midwestern Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), bringing their Pennsylvania taste buds to a west coast culinary show. Also joining SFG were two West Coast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (WCCOSFG). WCCOSFG are snazzy dressers with sharp shirts and jackets. Spicy Food Guy always feels like a slob when he is with them. Rounding out the company were Elk Hunting Friend of Spicy Food Guy (EHFOSFG), a long-time friend of SFG with a sharp and peculiar sense of humor, and Falsely Modest Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), who ordered the wine. SFG details all this because, at the end of the day, this was a company worth keeping. Had the food been horrific, which it was not, SFG would have enjoyed his table. And it's not always like that, out on the road.

The dinner began with FMCOSFG insisting that he wasn't qualified to order the wine, given how little he knew about the nectar of the gods. "I really don't know much," shrugged FMCOSFG, "except what I learned during the two months my wife and I lived in the vineyards of Northern Spain."

What?

Turns out the wine was an excellent surprise. Nessa Albarino. A Spanish white wine with medium body, citrus overtones, and hints of European Basketball. SFG loved it.

The tapas were beyond fabulous. SFG was shocked at how much he enjoyed the "Ensalada de Remolachas", red and yellow beet slices with garlic and vinegar. An off-the-menu tapa was grilled vinison with chard, and the bitterness of the greens was the perfect offset for the wild grilled taste of the deer. The fois gras melted in SFG's mouth. And the Octopus! The "Pulpo da Feira" on crackers made even the conservative FMCOSFGs re-think their culinary disposition regarding eight legged entrees.

So Seattle was splendid, the food was rich and delicious, and the company couldn't be beat. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Decent Airport BBQ and Business Travel Musings

Spicy Food Guy lives in the grey area of business travel; just enough trips to make air travel frustrating and painful, not enough to enjoy the perks that come with heavy accumulations of reward miles and points. This grey area is puzzling to SFG, given that his colleagues travel at about the same rate he does. Here is a typical conversation with Bright and Smiley Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (BASCOSFG):

BASCOSFG: "This past summer I flew me and my family to Asia and Antarctica using my frequent flyer miles! We went first class!"

SFG: "Antarctica?"

BASCOSFG: "And on the way home, we stopped in London and stayed on the grounds of Buckingham Palace using my Marriott Reward points!"

SFG: "Buckingham Palace?"

BASCOSFG: "And we had tea with the Queen!"

Spicy Food Guy does not have tea with the Queen. Instead, Spicy Food Guy has a Boarding Pass. It is a familiar Boarding Pass -- Row 23, the back -- Seat B, the middle -- Zone 4, boarding last. Spicy Food Guy knows from experience that 23B Zone 4 is a code, code for a familiar phrase that haunts the business traveler, code for "no more overhead space available".

Indeed, the airline representative is waiting for SFG at the end of his trudge down the jetway:

"There is no more overhead space, Sir. We will need to check your bag, Sir. What is your final destination, Sir?"

And so Spicy Food Guy responds:

"All things taken in the balance, I'm afraid the final destination is looking a lot like Hell. But tonight I was hoping to make it to Newark, New Jersey. My guess is that the airport code is the same."

This does not even get a smile form the airline representative, given that Airline Union rule 213 provision a1(c) subsection D does not allow for the use of humor on airport premises. Ever.

So Spicy Food Guy checks the bag. Interestingly, though, on the march back to 23, Spicy Food Guy notices that there is plenty of overhead space available from about row 15 on. Lots of space. Scads of space. Spicy Food Guy could have thrown his daughter's high school graduation party in the amount of space available in the overhead bins. SFG decides not to let the issue pass.

"Excuse me," SFG says gently to the passing flight attendant, "I notice there is lots of overhead space. I was told there was none."

The flight attendant looks at SFG blankly. "Who is this creature?" her eyes seem to say, "Why is he speaking such nonsense to me?" She says nothing.

"Well I was told I would need to check my bag because there was no space."

No response.

"Well, there seems to have been a fundamental breakdown in communications in the 32 linear feet it takes to get from row 15 to the front of the plane."

No response.

"Well, this concerns me, in so much as you and your crew are responsible for my personal safety when this big metal tube gets 30,000 fucking feet in the fucking air!"

OK, Spicy Food Guy didn't really say the last one, but he thought it. He thought it very loudly.

But Spicy Food Guy has digressed from the subject at hand, which is whether or not decent BBQ is available in any airport in the Continental United States. Fortunately, the answer is "yes", as long as you are connecting through Charlotte, NC.

It's in the food court, and it's called Brookwood Farms North Carolina Pit BBQ. Get the pulled pork sandwich with the vinegar based bbq sauce. Make certain you get the cole slaw on the sandwich, not to the side. Your official side should be the baked beans, fried okra, or mac and cheese. Get an extra fried dill pickle because they rock the house. For a drink, you get a Budweiser; not a soda, not an import, an American Budweiser.

Now, take your tray and sit down. Take a deep breath. Bite into the pulled pork sandwich. Tender, it is, with a nice bbq tang from the sauce. Take a pull from the Bud.

A little bit of heaven, Brookwood BBQ, right in the middle of business traveler hell. Because your flight is delayed, and your boarding pass is 23B, Zone 4. Again.

A Different Diner, the Same Daughter, More Deliberations

Athens, Ohio, just off campus of Ohio University

It's a dreadfully humid August day in southeastern Ohio. Spicy Food Guy and Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) are visiting the campus of Ohio University, where IEDOSFG will be matriculating as a freshman in the Honors Tutorial College in just a few weeks. We are taking a break from the heat to have lunch at the Court Diner.

The diner is old school; a trailer style New Jersey diner with chrome fixtures that have rounded edges. SFG's booth sags in the middle and is partly held together with duct tape. Right next to SFG's left leg, foam sticks through a fist sized hole in the seat. The Court Diner has clearly fed thousands of OU students at all hours of the day and night through countless sleepless semesters. If the diner was a car, it would be a run-down jeep with 190,000 miles. It would qualify for Cash for Clunkers.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

It is a serious conversation, between Dad and Daughter, here in this diner. There are some upperclassmen milling about campus. IEDOSFG is only a couple weeks away from living here.

It's getting real.

IEDOSFG is contemplating her decisions. She wants to love it here, she wants desperately to have a joyful and rich experience. She doesn't say that in so many words, but her eyes scream it.

The waitress is here.

SFG orders the four cheese mac & cheese on penne pasta with breadcrumbs and garlic toast. At $7.49, SFG notes wryly, this is the most expensive item on the menu. IEDOSFG orders a cheeseburger and fries. The food arrives and it is excellent. SFG wolfs down the mac & cheese. IEDOSFG is more tentative with her food, pushing it around her plate; to match her mood, perhaps.

Spicy Food Guy is not really that worried. IEDOSFG is hardwired to enjoy herself wherever she is. This is the kid who had the "best Christmas ever" every Christmas. She will be fine, here in the Honors Tutorial College at OU.

SFG thoughts are more about time and self-reflection. "I was just here," he says a bit incredulously, softly to himself, "Not this campus, not this State, but I was here, here in a place just like this."

"I was young and strong and scared and delirious. And it was like, only a few months ago. My parents should be dropping me off here. Where in the world did almost 30 years (that can't be right!) go?"

Spicy Food Guy supposes he is not much different than the Court Diner. We both sag a bit in the middle. Some foam is starting to poke through the holes. And Spicy Food Guy has some duct tape on his soul.

But Spicy Food Guy stays silent about all that. There is too much promise in the humid air today. Despite her uncertainty, IEDOSFG eyes gleam. She wants challenge. Demands it. She is eager to move in with her roommate, go to class, embrace the experience. Today, SFG is here as a driver, and this trip is all about his passenger. Today, there is a sense of rightness, of scary excitement, a sense of no limits.

Good luck and godspeed, IEDOSFG. Inhale it all. And if Dad has a piece of advice, it is to savor your food. A good mac & cheese can provide a great deal of perspective if you are paying attention. And a good meal with close friends in a romping college restaurant is a treasure. So is lunch with Dad in some old diner. And to paraphrase a good writer named Luke, "wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I'll miss you.

SFG Answers the "Red Chile Sauce Versus Green Chile Sauce" Debate

There are debates so fundamental in nature that, when resolved, will unravel those mysteries that represent the very fabric of the universe. These debates are so critical that the fates of living worlds lie in the balance. You know the questions: 1) does string theory represent the key to unlocking grand unification in the field of physics, 2) is the designated hitter an abomination to the game of baseball, and 3) is red chile sauce or green chile sauce the best topping for huevos rancheros?

By the way, the answers are yes, yes, and red chile sauce (but just barely). Is Spicy Food Guy good, or what? He is the Judge Judy of quantum physics and the culinary judicial system. You set 'em up, SFG will knock 'em down.

Lest you think Spicy Food Guy did not apply critical analysis to the red chile sauce versus green chile sauce debate, consider the picture above. SFG prepared a plate of rancheros: flour tortilla topped with refried beans, two fried eggs (over easy), jalapeno peppers, and white cheddar and monterey jack cheese. He topped half of this delectable dish with New Mexican Red Chile Sauce, and half with New Mexican Green Chile Sauce. Spicy Food Guy is also the modern day Solomon of culinary justice; split it in half and the truth will come forth. But does the end result look like the best breakfast ever, or what?

The contest was, in racing terms, a photo finish. The green chile sauce had a tad more authenticity and the better texture. The red chile sauce had a more pleasing and complex flavor; some sweetness and smokiness with a lick of garlic and onions -- with the right amount of heat. And the red color made a more arresting visual presentation, for you uptight foodie types that care about that sort of thing.

The debate is over, the question is answered. Red chile sauce by a nose. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Arthur's Tavern is a Carnivore's Dream

For reason's best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy recently found himself hungry and thirsty in Morris Plains, New Jersey. The motto of Morris Plains is "A Community of Caring". It should be "A Community Where Meat Eaters Gather to Gorge Themselves". But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Fortunately, Spicy Food Guy was accompanied by Fun Meat Loving Friends of Spicy Food Guy (FMLFOSFG), and we had reservations at Arthur's Tavern. Arthur's is a meat lover's place, with a menu filled with steaks, ribs, pork chops, and burgers. The decor is western tavern with red and white checkered tablecloths. And best of all, the draft beer comes in 34oz "mugs" reminiscent of Bavarian beer steins. There is zero chance Spicy Food Guy or FMLFOSFG are going to leave with available space in their bellies.

Spicy Food Guy ordered the full rack of ribs, and the FMLFOSFG immediately across from SFG ordered the 24 oz ribeye. And for the hell of it, SFG and three other conspirators ordered the award winning cheeseburger, get this, as a side.

So Spicy Food Guy ate the ribs (which were succulent), a portion of his neighbor's award winning ribeye (medium rare, flavorful and juicy), and part of the famous cheeseburger (to die for), all of which was washed down with a really big beer. SFG then waddled home, happy and ready to hibernate.

Arthur's Tavern is not where you take your vegan girlfriend (who you should probably break up with anyway). It's a place you go to pig out. On meat. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Crab Cakes and Eggs at Richmond's River City Diner

As my two regular readers will attest, Spicy Food Guy usually does not disclose the purposes behind SFG's travel. SFG is elusive that way.

But it is the height of summer. The car is hot, the kids are irritable. Great time for a family vacation. The road beckons. Specifically, the road says "Come down to the Outer Banks and gorge on warm Duck Donuts", but that is the subject of another post.

So we have a family of five packed into Spicy Food Guy's Lincoln Navigator. There would have been six, but Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) wisely opts out of what is shaping up to be an eight day Survivor game of out-whine, out-cry, and out-pout the other family members.

The ride down and it is dinner time in Richmond Virginia. The Family of Spicy Food Guy decides to try the River City Diner in the north part of the city. The diner is brightly lit in a 50's style car motif. Friendly staff, great menus, hard place not to smile.

And the food is hearty, delicious, and filling. Spicy Food Guy orders the Crab Cake and Eggs on the grounds that he likes crab cakes, likes eggs, but has never thought to combine the two. The combination works in that odd kind of "I never would have thought of this" kind of way. Added bonus: SFG gets to eat in relative silence because kids and step-kids of Spicy Food Guy cannot speak with their mouths gorged with eggs, bacon, grits, and other southern comfort foods. All in all, a big hit. The kids order thick, frosty milkshakes to go.

Some seven days later, the Spicy Food Guy family would hit the River City Diner again on the way home. That's extra bases in the world of dining, and that's a baseball metaphor in a summer story. Spicy Food Guy is just clever that way.

Duck Donuts Deliciously Decadent

Spicy Food Guy has long been a fan of the Outer Banks in North Carolina. About a hundred years ago, in the 1980's, Spicy Food Guy would oft travel to the Outer Banks to surf fish when the Bluefish ran every November and March.

But along with terrific fishing and the natural beaches, the Outer Banks also sports what may be one of the finest donut shops this side of the Mississippi.

Duck donuts. Served warm and freshly dipped in the coating of your choice. Spicy Food Guy loves the vanilla. The chocolate is incredible. Have both. So says Spicy Food Guy.