Spicy Food Guy

A Good, Good Life

2011-10-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

So, no offense to the three regular readers of Spicy Food Guy and his gallant posts about delicious eating, but today is turned over to some guy named "Joe", who wants to write about his 30th high school reunion. Something about another commencement speech. Whatever.

Welcome and good evening, Class of 1981.

It was 30 years ago that I last addressed you as a group. Back then, I was one of three students elected by the faculty to give a commencement address. Your friends and family were here. Do you remember that I spoke or what I said?

That's OK, neither do I. Something full of arrogance and piss and vinegar. Pretentious, as I recall. Wishful. But I don't remember the details (any of it, actually), and neither do you. I remember the party afterwards, but that one is in the vault. A conversation for another time.

So, through the magic of the internet, we are all gathered again. Not the cavernous arena we gathered in the last time, but a place like it.

Look beside you, right and left. First thing we notice is some empty seats. We didn't all make it, here in the land of the living. Some of us have gone on to the Great Mystery. We miss them, those that have passed on. We wish them restful peace. A moment of silence.

So my remarks will begin. A word about our generation.

For those in the audience from the Media, I use the word generation loosely. I am addressing the class of 1981, born in '62 or '63, but I am also giving or taking a few years. The classes that graduated 6 or 8 years behind us? They count. Hard to know the specifics of who I call my generation, who doesn't, where the boundaries lay. You media are a pedantic bunch; I will not be held to your labels or standards. That's one of the good things about us, but we will get to that.

Here is what I know. The Census people, the ones who count stuff, established the back end of the Baby Boomer generation just a year or two before we were born. The Baby Boomer generation boasted Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, both Clintons. Not us.

A generation behind us came the internet. Mark Zuckerberg, born in 1984, invented Facebook. We watched the start of Netflix and eBay. But it wasn't us.

If you weren't paying attention, you'd think we haven't done much. You might call us boring. If the generations from the past 70 years had a party, my generation would be cut off at the door by a velvet rope. "Sorry", the bouncer would say in that furiously unapologetic way that bouncers do, "your name isn't on the list. You can't come in"

I think there is some stuff you should know, and you need to listen to me now.

Operation Desert Storm, 1991 or so, the first war we had fought as a nation in two decades? We fought in that.

9/11? Hit when we, my generation, were about to upgrade our houses and careers and take our turn at the American Dream. We put that stuff off. Those kids who were shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan the next ten years? Those were our kids.

Do you know the three worst recessions in the past 30 years? One in the early 80's, one in the early 90's, when we were entering the workforce. The third? The really awful recession, the great recession? That happened in 2007, at the height of my generation's earnings years. We were laid off, or, at best, watched our 401Ks fall to half value. Let's face it: when Social Security has to own up and say some poor future US Generation is going to have to take a smack in the face and take out less than they paid in, who do you think it's going to be? I will tell you who it will be: me and my classmates.

Let me speak tonight to the members of the media who think we might be complaining. Have you heard this from us before? Has the Class of 1981 gone and picketed Congress? No. We have not. Want to know why?

Because we are not a complaining generation.

We work hard. We love dogs. We love our spouses and kids and our homes. We love Diners and Sports Bars and Cold Beer. We would drive a far piece for really good Ice Cream. We eat hot dogs with mustard during ball games. We sing the baseball anthem during the 7th inning stretch and sing the National Anthem at the beginning of football games. We cheer the band and wave flags. We watch fireworks. We ride roller coasters and scream like babies at the spooky parts of scary movies. We celebrate our life's events at picnic tables at State Parks. We hug our Moms and our daughters on their birthdays. We take our sons fishing and bowling.

And let me tell the media another thing. You praise another generation, the kids in their teens and twenties. You call them generous and tolerant. You go on and on about how they give hours to the community, how they don't discriminate about religion or ethnicity. You marvel about how they accept homosexuality, how big their hearts are.

The Class of 1981 has a quiet message for you. Those kids? Those are our kids. You think we are some passive do nothing generation? Who has raised better kids in the past 100 years of our nation's history? Not to be an ass, here at my 2nd commencement speech, but I really do think it is time for the media to shut the hell up.

I will get off my soapbox now.

30 years ago when I gave you the big speech I didn't know all the stuff I just said. I underestimated our collective character. I simply did not know the size of your hearts.

So more specifically, now I talk to you, Milford Class of 1981.

We start with accountability. The Popular Pretty Girls of the Class of 1981 made the reunion all possible. The Class Officers are charged with delivering our reunions. They elected not to do so. I am certain our Class Officers have very big and important jobs in 2011. They have not delivered a reunion to date. Not in 1991, not in 2001, not 2011. On this I will comment no further.

So the Popular Pretty Girls stepped up. They have always stepped up. Remember those big signs on the walls of the high school they worked on for hours to cheer our team on to some victory for some random sport and we thought it was because they were snotty and superficial?

Turns out they had school spirit. Real school spirit. And big hearts and genuine souls.

And I missed it.

Thirty years from when we graduated, the Popular Pretty Girls made sure we had a homecoming. And for us Nerdy Guys, who were deathly afraid of the the Popular Pretty Girls and their ilk?

Turns out the Pretty Popular Girls are nice. Big time nice. And have real class spirit. And good husbands who are funny. And 30 years ago I made a lot of false assumptions that these girls were stuck up and pretentious. I was wrong then. I will not be wrong again.

At one point in the evening, one of the Pretty Popular Girls pointed out that if some of us Nerdy Guys had just asked, maybe some dates would have happened back there in '80 or so. I appreciate the gesture, but 30 years clouds judgment. So to you, Pretty Popular Girl who hinted so, I think at prom time you had better options than a 6'2'' 128lb walking stick of bones and skin. Wayyyyyy better options. But thanks for making me think I had it in me at the time. And thanks even more for organizing the evening. And thanks most of all for making me realize what a lovely person you are. I wish I could have said thank you in June of 1981.

And then there were the Non-Popular Girls of my class. The Non-Popular Girls were a little plain or a little overweight or a little whatever. And now their souls shine like stars. They volunteer at Hospice or Special Olympics and kings should bow at their feet. Real kings.

Sometimes we hung out 30 years ago when it was convenient for me and sometimes I ignored you. I didn't deserve your friendship back then and I probably do not deserve it now. To repeat a phrase I recently used, your hearts are so big you could never be anything but beautiful. If I had a brain in my head in 1981 I would have asked you to Prom. Shame on me for not doing so.

Also at our reunion were the Scary Guys. Jocks and fighters who kicked ass and tied guys like me in knots and hung us from the ropes in the gym. Thanks for being normal and funny and not locking us in the bathroom at the reunion. Your hearts are genuine and you are stand up guys and you have rescued a female classmate or two from bad situations. I will always envy you.

Lastly, to the Nerdy Guys. We know who we are, even if it took us 30 years to dance with a cheerleader.

We have done well.

Some of us tried to be be brave. We jumped out of C130's and called ourselves Paratroopers. Or we worked as DJ's or media producers and made ourselves specialists at what we do. One of us fought Aaron Pryor, Welterweight Champion of the World, for 3 rounds before getting knocked out.

So this is the get tough generation. We spit blood and stagger up and say who the hell are you?

But a tough generation is not a mean generation. You could tell from the reunion. We are an affectionate bunch. We are inclined to turn our faces to the sun.

A reunion with the class of 1981 is sort of like going to an autumn fest. The cold air is setting in, but for a moment we turn our heads to a fading sun and soak in the warmth. We linger there, we turn our faces to the west, we breathe in the last of the sunshine.

In our hands is a cup of hot cider is a little shot of something something. We sip it. We grin a bit.

I love my class. I love our affection, our hand shakes, our hugs, and our defiance. This is my class. These are my people. I didn't always know how important that was to me. I won't miss it again.

Thanks to all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZhQOvvV45w

Chipotle Goat Cheese Scramble

2011-06-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

Years from now, when the Chipotle Goat Cheese Scramble is an everyday offering on Diner menus all throughout the United States, Spicy Food Guy's three regular readers will say with certainty, "I remember when SFG conjured up that heavenly scramble in his spicy little brain, back in 11, it was."

Female members of the SFG Family were at the Farmer's Market last week, and they bought local organic eggs, fresh berries, and, get this, some Chipotle Goat Cheese from the River View Dairy.

Sam and Susie Byler, who own the small dairy (45 goats), market their various goat cheeses to high end places like the Pittsburgh Whole Foods and to very intelligent Chefs in the Steel City. The Byler's are goat cheese sages. Mixing chipotle spices with goat cheese? Where'd that come from? Potion class? Maybe the Byler's are Wizards that specialize in goat cheese; that would certainly explain a lot.

But Spicy Food Guy Digresses.

Saturday morning. SFG wanted breakfast. A random poke through of the Fridge revealed some possibilities: Chipotle goat cheese, organic eggs, applewood smoked bacon, Memphis Mojo Hot Sauce. All of this provided the platform for Spicy Food Guy's epiphany of culinary creativity. Trust SFG when he say's you really, really, really want to try this:

Recipe:

Two strips of applewood smoked bacon, fried until crispy
Two slices of River View Dairy Chipotle Goat Cheese
Two organic eggs
Scotch Bonnet Hot Sauce (SFG prefers Memphis Mojo) to taste.

Cube the goat cheese, and place the pieces on a breakfast plate so they cover an area about the size of the palm of your hand.

In a frying pan, cook two eggs over easy, being careful not to break the yolks. Place the eggs directly on top of the goat cheese. Crumble the two strips of bacon on top of the eggs. Slather the whole thing with the Memphis Mojo hot sauce or another Scotch Bonnet hot sauce. Note the Scotch Bonnet pepper brings the dish's flavor palette together. Do not substitute.

Take a deep breath.

Take a fork, break the yolks, and mix all that stuff together until you have a nice, gooey, yolky scramble. Serve with a slice of toast. Use the toast to mop up all the good parts you can't get on a fork. Then face Pittsburgh and hail Spicy Food Guy because that damn breakfast kicked ass.

Peace out.

Cajun and Kobe in the Arizona Desert

2011-05-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

For reasons best left unknown to the general public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world. This time SFG was engaged in a quick flyby of Phoenix, Arizona, with only a day or so to try out the local cuisine.

Fortunately for Spicy Food Guy, his accommodations were located right across the street from Baby Kay's Cajun Kitchen. Let's just say it didn't take long for SFG to determine where he was headed for dinner.

SFG knows how to eat out when he is by himself on the road. Roll up the sleeves. Sit at the bar. Quaff the local microbrew. On draft. Spread out. Eat big. SFG knocked down the Cajun Combination, a cup each of seafood gumbo, crawfish etouffee, and chicken and sausage jambalaya. Plus coleslaw. And garlic bread. The gumbo was particularly good: earthy broth and tender chunks of shrimp and other seafood.

The more interesting part of the trip began the next day, when Spicy Food Guy's services were needed at the Phoenician, located in Scottsdale, Arizona. The Phoenician, by any standard, is one of the stateliest and most elegant resorts anywhere in the US. It doesn't just exude wealth, it exudes the look and feel of America's wealthiest. Think the Greenbrier in WV, or The Breakers in Palm beach, FL.

Spicy Food Guy read a book once, Conspiracy of Fools, an accounting of the rise and fall of the Enron Corporation. At the height of Enron's power and prestige, the Company had their annual executive offsite at the Phoenician. As Spicy Food Guy surveyed his surroundings, he could just picture Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow striding across the marble and granite bridges that crisscross the swimming pools. They would be sporting expensive sunglasses and wearing their arrogant infallibility like a tailored suit of Armani armor. With blazing blue skies and a resort that backs up against the stark Camelback Mountain, it is just a given that the Phoenician houses Captains of Industry. SFG swears you can smell corporate deals in the air.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Since it was warm outside and SFG lives in a cold place, he elected to eat lunch at the Oasis Pool Bar and Grill. Spicy Food Guy decided to try the Kobe burger because he hadn't had one before and the Japanese beef is said to be second to none.

No lie on the Kobe. It's juicy, flavorful, a burger's burger. And poolside at the Phoenician is a damn fine place to try one's first Kobe.

As delicious as the burger was, SFG is simply not a Kobe guy. Or a Phoenician guy. SFG would just as soon knock back a hot dog and brew at a baseball game. Preferably at PNC Park. There are places you go and marvel at the beauty and wealth, and there are cities you live in that slowly capture your heart, and you come to love it there. That's home, baby. Home.

A Fabulous Breakfast Sandwich at the Place You Never Go To

2011-05-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

You know that dive restaurant you have driven by 248 times on your way to somewhere else and said to yourself "sometime I need to stop and eat at that place" but you never do? Spicy Food Guy ate there. And you are missing it, because it's pretty good.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Spicy Food Guy was having lunch. But not just any lunch. The very best kind of lunch. SFG was joined by not only his lovely daughter home from college, but also the boy, who is finishing his freshman year at Mt Lebo High School and just had golfed 20 strokes better than his Dad. On nine holes. He is really good, I suck. I have come to peace with that.

Time was not long ago when the three of us ate together all the time. As a divorced Dad who had his kids over every other weekend, the three of us ate out all the time as a matter of course. Eating out removed us from my (then) tiny apartment and gave us some bonding time. Back then our eating out was a matter of convenience, now it's a treasure. I suppose it was a treasure back then, too, but I missed it. SFG supposes that this is the manner of things; we miss the treasures in front of us. A daughter's laugh, a perfectly cooked over easy egg, the boy's smile, laughing. Treasures. SFG sees them much better now, these moments to be savored.

So back to the diner SFG had driven by so many times. Tom's. Great place. Spicy Food Guy had the breakfast sandwich that has gyro meat, egg, and cheese on Italian toast. Tasty! Really good. To the point SFG wondered why he had never seen, much less eaten, one before. The girl had pancakes. The boy wolfed down eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast. The boy is ravenous, all the time. You have to watch your fingers.

So here's the thing. Spicy Food Guy has kids he does not deserve. They are wicked smart. The two of them have posted up 24 years of education, with maybe a B or two on 98 report cards. Everything else an "A". Since they came from a broken home, they should have issues, right? Instead, both of them are caring, kind, quick to comfort others, funny, good people to be around. They get lead roles in plays, get elected class officers, they are beloved.

SFG is not. Spicy Food Guy is cantankerous, grumpy, intimidating. Spicy Food Guy caved into peer pressure in high school and made bad decisions that hurt good people (my apologies, PF, wherever you are). SFG still sucks at stuff. SFG doesn't have half the character of his kids, and he is twice and a half their age.

Spicy Food Guy ponders all this. He is either a fabulous parent beyond measure (unlikely), or random shit has occurred in the universe that has blessed him with the best of children. Or maybe all that is moot and we all just grab a good diner breakfast when we can, because it's all finite. The stars, the laughs, the sunrises, walruses, anxiety-ridden dogs, and bad golf outings. Breathe it in. Embrace what you can. SFG senses his mortality, and he's ok with it.

Peace out.

Hot and Juicy Crawfish

2011-04-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

So Spicy Food Guy has been out of commission for a while, but a recent trip to our nation's capital drove him out of his retirement. Explanations to follow.

But let's start with one of the best meals, all time, SFG has ever eaten. Crawfish, baby. Two pounds of crawfish. In spicy garlic butter sauce. Served in a plastic bag. With spicy fries. And a couple of Budweisers. At a place called Hot & Juicy Crawfish in Washington DC. Spicy melt in your mouth goodness.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Spring break, 2011. The first step on our trip from Pittsburgh is the Summit Diner in Somerset PA. SFG gorged on the Scrapyard, a combination of hash browns, scrapple, two eggs sunny side up, and cheddar cheese. Pricetag of something like $4.50. Best value meal ever. The scrapple, which is not easy to find outside PA, was the perfect crunch to mix in the eggs and potatoes. Great start.

Another terrific meal was the Applewood Bacon Scramble at the Open City Diner just north of downtown DC. Two eggs sunny side up, applewood bacon, and aged white Vermont cheddar cheese all mixed together with grits on the side. Outstanding. Almost as good was a six ounce ribeye steak with three sunny side eggs at the Woodley Cafe, right up the street from the Open City Diner.

Big time eating because SFG was big time walking. Treasury tour, Ford's Theater, the Smithsonian.

March of 2010, the Smithsonian Natural History Museum opens a new exhibit called Human Origins, a 15,000 square foot space devoted to our beginnings. Spicy Food Guy, a history buff by design, is fascinated by Human Origins. At some point, somewhere, we started cooking with fire. We started painting pictures. We wrote. Sentience.

Even though it's a busy place, the Human Origin exhibit invites silence, thoughtfulness. Spicy Food Guy ponders; we each get a brief turn on this planet, then we become exhibits. In two thousand years, my life will be a mystery to some kid touring some museum. What will he think of us?

Spicy Food Guy is not sure, but he can chronicle. He can write down what he sees, what he smells, what he eats. So it's time to take up the blog again. SFG is back.

We ate crawfish kid. They are probably extinct in your era.

Too bad, because they kicked ass. They were the balls.

Peace out.

Best BBQ in Nashville and Four Meals with Pork. In a Row.

2010-08-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy and Great Guy Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (GGCSFG) had a full rack of ribs.

As a side.

After BBQ we went out for ice cream. Spicy Food Guy had two dips of Tennessee Fudge in a Chocolate Chip Cookie Cone. It was that kind of trip. But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Nashville, Tennessee.

The trip didn't begin as a BBQ orgy, but decadence has a way of gathering momentum. This is especially true when the decadence has to do with ribs, pulled pork, bacon, and Texas sausage. But Spicy Food Guy is getting ahead of himself again.

The origin of the BBQ binge took place at the Brookwood Farms North Carolina BBQ Pit at the Charlotte airport early in the afternoon. During his layover, SFG happily knocked off a pulled pork sandwich with slaw and vinegar based BBQ sauce, baked beans, and a bottle of Budweiser. Pretty sane BBQ consumption at this particular point in the trip.

Then the party went to Nashville and a couple of locals recommended Jacks BarBQue as the undisputed favorite among true BBQ enthusiasts. Jacks has won two or three zillion awards, including "Best BBQ Sauce on the Planet" in 2004. After tasting all eight or so homemade sauces that Jacks serves on premises, SFG agrees that the sauce is heavily competitive in planetary circles, and it's even in the realm of possibility that when the aliens land, they will want to go to Jacks. But Spicy Food Guy digresses again.

SFG and GGCSFG went to Jacks with several other Food Enthusiast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FECSFG). The food at Jack's is served cafeteria style, and the line is long. Orders must be placed quickly.

Spicy Food Guy decided on the three meat platter. $13. Really. SFG picked the pork shoulder, ribs, and Texas sausage. SFG also stuck with slaw and baked beans as tried and true BBQ sides. However, because only two or three ribs came with the three meat platter, Spicy Food Guy fretted that there would be a rib shortage at the table. That's when SFG and GGCSFG decided on the full rack of ribs as a side dish strategy. Brilliant.

So this was Spicy Food Guy's tray -- 3 meat platter with beans, slaw, and bread. A plate with a full rack of ribs. Eight little plastic cups of every BBQ sauce that Jacks served. And two beers. Now this may sound a little over the top, but keep in mind SFG shared the ribs with GGCSFG.

The BBQ was fabulous. The Texas sausage was packed with garlic, paprika, and juicy pork fat. The ribs were tender with a great char and smoke ring. The pulled pork was obviously smoked for hours and hours and had that pit-master smoky signature.

After dinner, SFG and FECSFG waddled over to the Whiskey Bent Saloon (of course it was called the Whiskey Bent Saloon, complete with an up and coming country music singer, and our table was made out of a real wagon wheel. Really). After digesting dinner and listening to music, SFG and FECSFG decided to head off to an old fashioned corner shop called Mike's Ice Cream Fountain. That's where the Tennessee Fudge ice cream in a chocolate chip cookie cone moment occurred. And yes, it was as tasty as it sounds. Creamy. Big ol' chunks of chocolate fudge. A cookie cone that tasted like, well, a cookie.

Spicy Food Guy knows what you are thinking; "Surely it ended there, SFG, surely you didn't eat again for many, many days".

It's called breakfast and it took place the next morning. Spicy Food Guy selected the Waffle House. Best breakfast at the Waffle House? The Breakfast All-Star Special. A waffle. Two eggs. Three strips of bacon. Hash browns (Spicy Food Guy had his hash browns "smothered and covered", that is, grilled with onions and topped with a slice of processed American cheese. Generally the best hash browns on the planet). Toast. Coffee. SFG added orange juice. A stick-to-your-ribs breakfast.

Ate every bite. The force is strong in Spicy Food Guy, and the midichlorians were hungry.

And maybe, perhaps, that would have ended the pork orgy. But Spicy Food Guy had to fly back through the Charlotte airport. Hit the BBQ Pit on the flip side. Pulled pork again, slaw again, beans again.

And then, and only then, did Spicy Food Guy decide he was full.

Totally true story. Peace out, BBQ fans. I am one of you.

Best Spicy Breakfast Sandwich in Pittsburgh, Perhaps Anywhere

2010-08-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy was home for a few days when he was tipped off about Gab and Eat by some local, in-the-know diner types (LITKDT).

"Go there", urged LITKDT, they have the best burgers in the 'Burgh. They're Balls!"

OK, they didn't really say the burgers were balls, it's just that SFG loves the expression so, and it seemed to fit in the story. And LITKDT aren't the only Gab and Eat advocates. Several 'Burgh bloggers have hailed Gab and Eat as the "best diner in the 'Burgh". Where there is advocacy there is substance, at least when it comes to hole-in-the-wall-diners. The same cannot be said about the Republican party, but Spicy Food Guy digresses.

So off Spicy Food Guy went to the Gab and Eat, though he passed by it a few times because he blinked. Or sneezed. It doesn't take much to miss the ol' Gab and Eat.

Anyway, SFG had every intention of ordering one of the Gab and Eat burgers. It was a mission.

Until he spotted the John Boy on the menu. The John Boy. Hot homemade sausage, egg, cheese, peppers and onions, all on Italian toast. Not just any Italian toast -- but Mancini's Italian toast. Mancini's, the makers of fabulous bread and perhaps the best pepperoni rolls in the region (that's a whole other blog post).

Let Spicy Food Guy say this about the John Boy: it's spicy, it's cheesy gooey, it plays the egg and sausage perfectly together, it's the best bread ever, it's one of the best breakfast sandwiches in the free world, and tops anything in North Korea, Iran, and Iraq.

If the John Boy could talk it would say "I have been called the breakfast sandwich of my generation among those who have tasted me" in a similar sort of way Will Ferrell called himself the songbird of his generation in the movie "Stepbrothers".

You should see Stepbrothers because it is hysterical. You should eat the John Boy at Gab and Eat because it's a one of a kind Pittsburgh breakfast sandwich. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Peace out.

Baked Beans for Breakfast is Balls and Other UK Food Observations

2010-08-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

Let Spicy Food Guy begin by saying the highlight of his trip to the UK had to be when Esteemed Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (ECSFG) complimented a particularly flavorful curry by stating:

"Oh that's Balls."

Spicy Food Guy delights in this succinct and apt descriptor. In fact, SFG earnestly awaits the evening, sometime in the near future, when a snooty wine sommelier pours a sliver of some fine merlot so that SFG can perform the ritualistic taste test.

"It's Balls," Spicy Food Guy will state authoritatively to the sommelier, "we'll all take some." And then Spicy Food Guy will whirl back to the table and re-start the dinner conversation before the sommelier can manage a stuttered response. And in his head, Spicy Food Guy will chuckle deeply.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time London, England. Specifically, SFG was rather trapped in a hotel close to terminal 4 of Heathrow airport.

Now SFG has been to London perhaps a dozen times, and as the tourist lore goes, the food is nothing to write a blog post about. The exceptions are curry houses and baked beans for breakfast.

The English have a thing for baked beans, and beans are officially a part of a "full English breakfast". SFG thinks the English are on to something here. Baked beans mixed in with some fried eggs and pieces of bacon is a great combination of flavor and texture. It's balls. When you think about it, beans and bacon and eggs is a better combo than grilled burgers and beans. It's not better than pulled pork and beans, but the egg combo is right up there in terms of a natural fit.

But this whole baked bean thing is not what SFG is here to discuss. Spicy Food Guy is here to discuss curry houses and steering wheels.

So the story begins when SFG and about six Esteemed Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (ECSSFG, because it's plural) decided to go out for some curry one evening so as to have at least one decent dinner during our stay in London. Some of the ECSSFG also decided that a few pints at the pub would be an excellent precursor to the Indian dinner.

Needless to say, spirits were high and the mood light when the van showed up to cart SFG and ECSSFG to the restaurant. Much to the delight of the rest of us, one ECSSFG decided to use this van ride to vent in a typical American style:

"Look," half looped ECSSFG postured to the driver, "the automobile was invented in America, right? The automobile was first manufactured in America, right?"

The driver did not respond.

"So," ECSSFG continued, ignoring the driver's silence, "what on earth possessed you to move the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

You could tell ECSSFG was genuine in his inquiry, and the driver let a small smile escape (which is the British equivalent of a hearty laugh).

In any case, SFG and ECSSFG made it safely to "Achari, Flavour of India", the locally recommended curry house.

And the curry was fabulous, as it always is in London. SFG and ECSSFG decided to order a half dozen or so appetizers and a half dozen entrees and just split them all up. SFG loved the fried onion bhajees as an appetizer (as wiki says, think potato fritters). Additionally, SFG forcefully argued that one of the entrees should be a spicy lamb vindaloo, despite the hesitant misgivings of ECSSFG. The lamb vindaloo ultimately inspired the "that's balls" comment, so Spicy Food Guy felt extremely vindicated.

The curry sauces were packed with flavor, with tastes of tumeric, garlic, ginger, and mustard. The meats were tender, the beer cold, the staff proud, the company fine. All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable UK evening.

Next morning, Spicy Food Guy had baked beans for breakfast. Sometimes everything goes right.

PS, "Baked Beans for Breakfast", by Ruth Chew, was one of SFG's favorite childhood books. Coincidence, or a higher level of order that sustains balance in the universe? SFG thinks its all just one big mystery.

Best Cajun Appetizer Ever

2010-07-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy was out and about in the world; this time in Covington Kentucky.

From a food perspective, the trip didn't look all that promising at first. SFG rode in a small airplane, ate airport food, drank airport beer, stayed in an airport hotel, you get the drift.

So imagine Spicy Food Guy's delightful reaction to being guided to Dee Felice Cafe, a homey and authentic cajun restaurant that seems to have been tossed into the middle of Northern Kentucky via some wormhole in the New Orlean's space time continuum. It's a cozy little space with friendly staff, lots of window seating, and a little stage to accommodate live jazz from Tuesdays through Saturdays. Spicy Food Guy liked the place immediately.

And then came the two appetizers, both of which Spicy Food Guy rates right up there with the best of any appetizers he has consumed as part of his lifetime habit of eating food. Appetizer one, Ricardo's Ravioli, was a deep fried ricotta and jalapeño ravioli that was covered in a jalapeño and crawfish cream sauce. The other was a grilled portabella mushroom with chicken and slathered with a fresh leek cream sauce. Both appetizers were fabulous, the ravioli in particular was captivating.

Spicy Food Guy can't put his finger on what exactly amped up his attraction to the ravioli, but it had a lot to do with there being a lot more substance to the dish than meets the eye. First seen, the appetizer looks like something directly out of a swanky Manhattan "Froo Froo" Restaurant; kind of spoiled and pretentious and only to be consumed by uptight foodies and restaurant critics. But, as it turns out, the ravioli has a real country and southern comfort flavor that is both simple (from the cream and pasta) and complex (from the crawfish and jalapeño) at the same time. And, best of all, a nice streak of spice and heat runs through the entire dish, adding a sort of seduction element to the whole appetizer. At it's essence, the ravioli represents everything Spicy Food Guy celebrates and loves when it comes to food. It captured SFG's heart, forever.

So don't miss this place if you are in the Cincinnati area. And send SFG some ravioli on your way out the door. Spicy Food Guy misses it. Really.

Pennsylvania Pilots Wine in Grocery Stores (30 Years After Everyone Else)

2010-06-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy is highly amused by the following news story from an article entitled "State pops the cork on wine kiosks" in today's Pittsburgh Post Gazette:

"The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board began a pilot program of wine-vending kiosks inside two Harrisburg area supermarkets on Wednesday. If all goes well, similar kiosks may start popping up in Western Pennsylvania in August, said PLCB spokeswoman Stacey Witalec."

Let's make sure Spicy Food Guy has this straight: Pennsylvania is piloting, in two whole locations, an adult beverage grocery distribution strategy that has been fully rolled out in the other 49 states for the past three decades? Now, is this front page news because the media perceives the strategy as progressive, or because they view it as embarrassing?

Spicy Food Guy can just envision next week's headline:

"Pennsylvania embarks on an ambitious 15 year development plan to sell beer in convenience stores".

Please someone help.

Refried Beans, Jalapeño Peppers, and How to Eat at All-Inclusive Resorts

2010-06-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

"I bet I can eat refried beans and jalapeño peppers for 12 straight meals."

So did Spicy Food Guy toss out his "Cool Hand Luke" challenge to his family members, all of whom rolled their eyes and went back to enjoying the sun and warmth of the Riviera Maya.

As it turns out, Spicy Food Guy rather enjoyed the refried beans and jalapeño pepper challenge, though it became the bane of existence for those who had to share the same bathroom as SFG

Spicy Food Guy and his family were enjoying some quality time at the Occidental Grand Xcaret a couple months back. In prior years, the SFG family had vacationed at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya. All-Inclusive Resorts are hit and miss establishments when it comes to food. A quick perusal of Tripadvisor.com will show reviews that range anywhere from "the resort had the most fabulous food ever and I gained 10 pounds" to "I couldn't find a single dish that wasn't undercooked and my husband ended up in the hospital with food poisoning." But given that SFG has some experience in these types of resorts, he thought he'd provide some guidance to those vacationers that might be headed down for their first visit.

But first some setup; most of the food service offerings in all inclusive resorts work in the same general manner. A grand buffet anchors most of the meals, the selection is huge, and you can eat there with no reservations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Most evenings the grand buffet has a specific theme, such as seafood, Mexican, or Italian. In addition to the buffet, most resorts offer pool side lunch cafe's where you can get standard lunch fare -- tacos, burgers, pizza, hot dogs, nachos, that sort of thing. Finally, all the resorts will have anywhere from two to five standalone dinner restaurants that require reservations and have some sort of dress code. The restaurants range anywhere from Japanese to Mediterranean to Steakhouses. Finally, most places offer some limited version of room service.

So how in the hell do you decide where to go and what to eat? As I said, Spicy Food Guy is here to help.

Tip 1 -- Go big on breakfast. First, it doesn't take much to prepare a fairly elegant breakfast, and most resorts do a terrific job of setting up a nice brunch-like atmosphere. A good omelet, prepared in front of you with your ingredients of choice, is always a great way to start the day. And because most resorts are located in sunny warm environments, there is almost always a broad selection of fresh fruit. The kids can enjoy cereal, scrambled eggs, or french toast. Spicy Food Guy generally steers away from bacon and sausages, mostly because they always appear to be undercooked. Plus, making breakfast the big meal of the day gives you at least a remote chance of burning off some calories before day's end.

Tip 2 -- Go local.  Shockingly, the best food in most Mexican resorts is, well, Mexican. It's what they know. The pica de gallo is always fresh and delicious. The refried beans are outstanding. Tinga Pueblana, Mexican pulled pork, practically melts in your mouth. It always cracks Spicy Food Guy to read a tripadvisor.com review that says "We were really disappointed with the food at the Italian restaurant in the resort". Really? You were? Spicy Food Guy is always soooo tempted to leave a comment like "No shit, bright eyes, Italy was located on another damn continent last time I checked. Of course the Italian food sucks in Mexico. Dumbass." But SFG never writes this, he just thinks it.

Tip 3 -- Lunch 1 and Lunch 2.  This is a food strategy that was developed by Independent Thinking Stepdaughter of SFG (ITSOSFG). Most of the poolside lunch cafe's are open from about 11:30 to 2:30, and they are jam packed from 12:15 to about 1:30. So ITSOSFG came up with the brilliant idea of having a smallish lunch around 11:30 when the crowds were light and the food had just been set out, and then repeating the process at about 2:00. Lunch 1 and lunch 2. Helps stop binge eating, you get a quiet lunch, and really fast service. Brilliant.

Tip 4 -- Avoid shellfish. Admittedly, this is kind of a no-brainer. The chances of getting food poisoning from shellfish, especially when served raw, is well documented and known. Now Spicy Food Guy loves oysters, but he is not about to risk a spending a sunny day in the Riviera Maya vomiting in his bathroom. Just stay away from the shellfish.

Tip 5 -- Straight from the bottle. We all know American and European tummies don't always handle Mexican water very well. So avoid it. Drink water from water bottles. Drink beer or soda poured from a bottle. And is there anything finer than the thoughtful, well timed tequila shot? Spicy Food Guy thinks not.

Spicy Food Guy hopes you enjoy your trip, and he highly recommends the jalapeño peppers and refried beans. Peace out, Amigos.

10 Food Tips for New Graduates

2010-06-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

Tip 1: Throw out the Ramen noodles. All of them. In the trash. Now. Nothing says "cheap college student who has no idea how to cook" more than a case of Ramen noodles. So get rid of them. Case closed.

Spicy Food Guy once lived in a college apartment, adorned with paper plates, 47 pizza delivery boxes stacked in the living room corner, and a fridge full of beer and a gallon jug of ketchup.

Spicy Food Guy has since grown up, and he is here to help.

You have just received your diploma, you are fortunate enough to have landed a real job. A real apartment. Real world. How to navigate the grown-up world of food? Here are nine more tips:

Tip 2: Learn how to cook an elegant breakfast. You spent four years eating Coco Puffs and cold pizza for breakfast. Excellent while it lasted. A couple of things: 1) breakfast is the easiest meal to learn how to cook well, and 2) if you have a guest for breakfast, chances are it is a very important guest. So fry eggs. Better yet, make an omelette with fresh peppers, onions, mushrooms, and local cheese. Know how to flip it. Sizzle up some bacon. Slice up some toast. Pour orange juice into a pitcher and put it on the dining room table. Put some flowers in a vase. Win the morning, win his/her heart.

Tip 3: Do not skimp on the basics. Folger's coffee and store brand ice cream may have worked on the quad, but in the real world they send a very distinct signal -- "this kid is broke". Time to upgrade. Fresh roasted coffee beans. Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Throw out your cheap beer, put a six pack of Carlsberg in the fridge. Demonstrate you have an income.

Tip 4: Learn how to navigate a classy restaurant. Admittedly, this takes some time and experience, and we have all come from different backgrounds, but Spicy Food Guy is here with the basics: 1) The female guest follows the Maitre D' to the table, 2) the female guests order first, 3) no one eats until everyone is served (please, no matter what circumstances, no matter how much everyone else says to go ahead, do not eat, ever, until everyone is served). Also, dining utensils are used, in order, from the outside in. If you are unsure of which fork or spoon or glass to use, wait and watch someone else first. Better yet, defer to the server. Ask which entree the chef prefers, ask what the best wine pairing is, treat your server as if they are the resident food and wine expert (which they are), and they will almost always reward you with fabulous service. Trust Spicy Food Guy on this one.

Tip 5: Salt and Pepper do not a spice cabinet make. Fresh basil. Onion powder. Garlic salt. Oregano. Thyme. Cayenne pepper. A stocked pantry makes you look worldly, and makes your dishes taste better. Experiment on burgers, eggs, pasta, and chicken on the evenings you eat alone. Find your signature.

Tip 6: Man the Grill. Any yahoo can cook up burgers and dogs on a sunny summer Sunday afternoon. You can do better. Learn the basics of charcoal vs gas grilling vs a smoker. Figure out when to use direct or indirect heat. Grill up some salmon on a cedar plank. Serve up a succulent beer can chicken. Be in demand at the cul-de-sac party.

Tip 8: Have a signature dish. Spicy Food Guy can whip up some from-scratch Gumbo that breaks hearts. Really. It is just that good, but it wasn't always that way. Took a bunch of years for SFG to get it right. Put this on your bucket list: take several years and learn to prepare a dish that is fucking unparalleled among its peer set. When SFG serves up his gumbo, he expects folks to respond "holy shit this is really good". SFG is rarely disappointed. Find your gumbo, discover your soul, win his/her heart.

Tip 9: Take him/her/them to Brunch. Brunch kicks ass. It's on a Sunday, the pace is slow, the price is inexpensive, and the food is rarely bad. You can really get to know someone over a long sit down brunch. If your parents are in town, take them to the fanciest brunch in the region. At most you are out $75, and you get a quality conversation with your Mom and Dad. As a first date, a fancy brunch can't be beat. There is time to linger, time to chat. Mrs. SFG found out as much at the Grand Concourse in Pittsburgh in 2001. Enough said.

Tip 10: On a cold winter morning, bake cookies. If they don't come running, the warm gooiness is yours to hog alone.

But they will come running.

So says Spicy Food Guy. Peace out.

Flatulence and Sushi in New Jersey

2010-03-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

OK, so Spicy Food Guy, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, traveled from New York City to northern New Jersey late last week to wrap up some unfinished business.

For lodging, SFG elected to stay at a nondescript Marriott. And to get his daily workout in, Spicy Food Guy elected to work out in the Marriott fitness center.

That's when the trouble began.

First, SFG is obligated to point out that the Marriott fitness center is not a fitness center, per se. Rather, it is a converted hotel room or suite that can comfortably hold about six people. And that's about how many were there that fateful day last week.

Early in the morning, SFG decided to do some ab crunches. Bad idea. Halfway into the set, SFG experienced some, how should we say this? Flatulence.

Or rather, for Spicy Food Guy it was more like:

Flat-a-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-ulence.

If you get SFG's drift.

Everyone froze for like three seconds. What to do? There really is no appropriate response in this situation, either for the flatulence producer or the startled innocent bystanders who are deciding whether to flee or fight through it, so to speak.

Spicy Food Guy, however, was in the midst of silent prayer:

"Please Lord," implored SFG, "let this be the light-misty-morning aroma. Please don't be the rare and dreaded rotting-dead-mammal cloud of poison."

Of course it was the dead mammals.

In business parlance, there was no upside here for SFG. Time to crawl away and die of mortal embarrassment. But Spicy Food Guy did not die of mortal embarrassment. Instead, he decided to go out for sushi with some colleagues.

(Pause here. SFG recognizes the inherent awkwardness in the above transition from gym flatulence to sushi, but the gym thing was funny, and Spicy Food Guy needed to weave it in the story somehow.)

Now to establish context, Spicy Food Guy is a reasonably seasoned sushi eater. SFG has eaten a lot of good sushi in a lot of places, east coast to west coast. So let it be known here that SFG found the Sushi Lounge in Morristown NJ to be among the finest sushi dinners he has ever had anywhere.

SFG knows your response. It weirds him out, too.

Let's say you are a fan of sushi. Let's say you are a fan of Chilean Sea Bass. The Sushi Lounge has combined the best of both into the Chilean Sea Bass Roll, marinated in a yuzu and soy glaze and as fabulous a sushi roll that SFG has ever put into his mouth. There is also a Tempura Sea Bass Roll. The flaky tenderness of the sea bass combines with the crunch of the tempura so that the whole roll is a culinary explosion of texture and taste.

SFG and his colleagues also enjoyed the Lobster Crunch Roll, which combines lobster, crab, wasabi, toasted almonds, and endamame. Who thought of this? They should win an award. Several awards.

And what of the Baja Roll? Soft shell crab and shrimp tempura, guacamole, roasted red peppers and served with a mustard dressing. Does SFG really need to explain how delicious this was?

So pleasantly surprised, Spicy Food Guy filled his belly with some of the most interesting and tasty sushi rolls he has ever had. And the atmosphere of the Sushi Lounge is both light yet intimate, so it has a quirkiness that lends itself to good company and conversation.

Go to the Sushi Lounge. Stay at the Marriott.

Spicy Food Guy will see you in the gym.

Tasty BBQ in Times Square

2010-03-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week. Destination for this trip? Times Square, baby!

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of Times Square, largely because it allows him to participate in radically disparate activities in a very confined geographic area.

Typical evening outing for SFG and his buddies in Times Square:

Go to an Irish Pub for a quick 'lube and oil change, if you get SFG's drift.
Amble over to ESPN Zone to watch multiple sports games on multiple huge screens. Sip on a beer and munch on some wings while yelling random animated coaching tips for said sports teams on said screens.
Stop by the M&M Store (of course there's one!) and buy a gift for the family.
Go back to Irish Pub.
Go to a random diner (open 24 hours) and eat eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast.
Go to hotel and sleep.

A hundred bucks says there is no other place in the world where SFG can do all that within 2 city blocks. You gotta love the Big Apple.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

On this particular trip, SFG was in the mood for some good old fashioned BBQ and Southern Comfort foods, so off he went to Virgil's BBQ on the corner of 44th and Broadway. Spicy Food Guy was arriving at Virgil's after an hour or two at ESPN Zone, so he was ready to chow down.

And chow down SFG did. SFG ordered two meats, memphis ribs and a texas sausage link. The ribs had a fabulous smoke ring and a really nice dry rub crust on the outside. The outside char was offset by the tender and delicious pink meat on the inside. The sausage link had garlic and chile pepper spices and was a juicy mix of pork meat and fat. And the condiments! Three or four different bbq sauces, several hot sauces, mustard.

To make sure SFG had some daily servings of "vegetables", he ordered baked beans (with big chunks of maplewood bacon) and cheese grits. The cheese grits were creamy, not lumpy, and served steaming hot.

As an indication of how much he enjoyed the meal, SFG texted the Boy (SFG's son) with the following message (true story):

"Buuuurrrrrrrrrrp"

Elegant prose. Brought to you by Spicy Food Guy. And next time you make it to the Big Apple, get to Virgil's. Go hungry. Stay late.

Peace out.

Breakfast With The Boy

2010-01-31T15:42:00.000-08:00

9:00am on a Saturday morning, Spicy Food Guy and his only son (hereafter referred to affectionately as "the boy", with the keen knowledge that the label is only appropriate for maybe another year or two) are eating a couple of egg combos at the Dor-Stop, one of our favorite restaurants.

SFG and the boy are here following an early morning recreation 7th/8th grade boys basketball game. SFG coaches. The boy rebounds so well SFG is thinking of giving him the title "Chairman of the Boards".

It's been a great morning. The boy's team was losing by 12 at half to a team that had no weapons except one future NBA star. SFG made a half time adjustment on defense; switched from man-to-man to a three man triangle zone with the 4th kid following the ball and the boy following future NBA star wherever he went. The boy, whose true sport is wrestling and looking at a 18 to 20 win season, was able to muscle the future star around, get him frustrated, and the boy's team went on a 18-4 run to win the game. SFG envisions himself the Bill Belichick of the boy's hoops rec league.

But basketball is not the primary topic here at the Dor-Stop. The boy is in 8th grade, and the topic is high school. The start is 7 short months away, and the boy is assessing his options.

But first, some background about the boy. Two things, actually.

First, the boy is blessed by what is best called natural gracefulness. In athletics, the boy is liquid smooth. Pure jump shot, sweet golf swing, a natural bowling throw; he is a quick, strong, balanced wrestler. This natural athleticism both delights and pisses off the Boy's Sister and yours truly. SFG, who received no athletic genes, has a golf swing that looks like an angry person trying to behead a groundhog who has just stuck his head out of a hole. The boy's natural gracefulness goes beyond athletics. He is a natural comedian with a sharp mind and quick wit. He learns effortlessly. Until he got braces, he was first chair trumpet. He is beloved by his peers and teachers. In short, he is popular and athletic like his Grandfather, intelligent and entertaining like his Sister. SFG's job, apparently, was to serve as a gene carrier from one talented generation to another. There are worse jobs, SFG supposes.

Point two about the boy; until very recently when he shot up out of nowhere, he was always in the 10th to 20th percentile for height and weight. And he has a late August birthday, one of the youngest in his class. The net of this was from grades 1 to 6 he was a head shorter than anyone else in his class. Because of this circumstance, the boy learned the tough lessons of realistic expectations. He got cut from a school basketball team because of his size (a move the middle school coach now profoundly regrets), and the boy turned to wrestling where he could compete against kids his own size.  Because of realistic expectations, the boy understands his role on any team he is on.  Someday he will come to understand just how valued that skill is.

But today we are talking about high school, and he is talking about his options. Right now he is signed up for all Honor's classes. Should he stick with that? Or maybe back out of Honors English? In wrestling, he can try out for varsity, where he will learn a lot but get his ass kicked, or he can wrestle JV or even down at the middle school team, where he will dominate his opponents but limit his development. He is thinking about the Marching Band, but if his putting gets better he may have a shot on the 9th grade golf team. The Theater Instructors are practically drooling for him to get involved with school plays. His Sister had her share of lead roles when she was in high school and the boy is equally talented. So many options. Hard to choose. He is being thoughtful. A recurring statement is that high school team commitments take a lot of time and effort. SFG, who occasionally does the right parenting thing, shuts up and listens.

On the inside, SFG is abundantly proud of the boy, but he is also jealous of the boy's powerful youth and limitless potential.  The boy is entering a time in his life when the horizon grows wide, the forks in the road become more delineated, the decisions are his to make, and his choices will lead to great adventure, ripping heartbreak, and fabulous victories that are beyond measure.

SFG twirls the eggs on his fork and wryly wonders why his two biological children seem to have so much more class, maturity, and character than SFG ever had at their respective ages. They are better and more interesting people than he was.  SFG is not quite certain whether this is an indictment against his own character, a case of first class parenting success, or this is just the way of things. Maybe a combination of all three, sort of like SFG's egg combo.

And a word to Mt Lebanon High School. Watch out and button down the hatches; the boy is almost upon you.

Chicago Part III: A Train Ride to the Gold Coast

2010-01-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

No, not to Australia. Something better.

It all started at 7:00am CST, when Spicy Food Guy's cell phone rang in his hotel room.

"Good Morning!" chirped Fabulous Administrative Assistant of Spicy Food Guy (FAASFG), "Your flight back to Pittsburgh is cancelled. Almost all flights are cancelled. I re-booked you on the one remaining American Eagle flight that departs O'Hare at 1:15!"

"Urgh", replied SFG, who not only had been fast asleep, but had a rather extended evening the night before involving an Irish pub and Portillo's hot dogs.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" chirped FAASFG, "Call me if you can't get home!"

FAASFG is a peach. Really.

So SFG lumbered over to the hotel window and pushed back the curtains. It was snowing, in technical meteorological terms, to beat the band. Time to get the hell out of Chicago.

SFG cleaned himself up and went down to the lobby to join forces with Fun and Favorite Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG).

"The hotel staff is recommending we take the train to O'Hare because the roads are so bad," said one FFCSFG helpfully, "and the train station is only a block and a half away!"

So off SFG and FFCSFG tromped in the heavy snowfall to find the entrance to the train station. SFG found an entrance, but only for train pass holders. A very helpful sign instructed that the "main entrance is one and a half blocks east".

Beg pardon?

There, standing in the heavy snowfall, SFG and FFCSFG discovered to our chagrin that not one of us had brought a compass to our business trip there in downtown Chicago. Imagine.

So while SFG and FFCSFG stood there blinking in the snow, looking up at the skyscrapers to see if any of them had a big sign saying "East: that way" with a big arrow pointing the way east, fate intervened in the person of Loud Homeless Guy with Toilet Paper in His Pocket (LHGTPIHP). "YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR THE ENTRANCE TO THE TRAIN STATION?" semi-shrieked LHGTPIHP. "FOLLOW ME I KNOW THE WAY!"

And he did. So for the low low price of a couple of bucks, SFG and FFCSFG got a personal escort to the train station.

So after saying good-bye to LHGTPIPH, taking a men's room smelling elevator down three levels, and making only a couple of wrong turns, SFG and FFCSFG finally plopped themselves in some seats on a train headed to O'Hare. Adventure over.

Riggggghhhhht.

Twelve short minutes into the ride, deep underground, the train stops. Complete stop. No power. A sound like a car engine failing to turn over rings through the train about three times.

"I've lived in Chicago for 10 years," offered one passenger, "and this has never happened."

Of course not.

Several minutes go by. Then over the loudspeakers:

"Attention passengers, we have an advanced problem with the train."

What?????

SFG thought the word advanced a quite interesting choice of adjectives. "Actually", announced SFG to his fellow passengers, "I think there is a quite basic problem with the train."

This got no laughs.

So everyone sat in silence for a few minutes. Then a new development: in the car ahead of us, and then in our car, someone starts pounding on the train doors. From the outside.

"What do you think that is?" asked one passenger a little fearfully, breaking the silence in the train.

"This is the part," chimed in a cheerful SFG, "when the vampires attack!"

This actually got a lot of laughs.

Finally, about five minutes later, the train starts up again. Then this announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, do not stand near the doors. The train is going 50 miles per hour. If you stand near the doors, you will fall out and die."

What????

This was about the time SFG started really, really hoping that his flight home would not be cancelled.

Finally, SFG and FFCSFG arrived at O'Hare. After finding the terminal, doing the security dance, and finding out the flight home was only delayed a couple of hours, it was time to eat.

Gold Coast Hot Dogs, baby. That's what the occasion called for. Another world famous chili cheese dog, the second one in as many days. And it was delicious -- steamy poppyseed bun, snappy hot dog casing, great chili and high calorie mega-transfat melted cheese.

SFG loved it, and now there are two hot dog places in Chicago that SFG loves. SFG looks forward to consuming a few more.

Maybe this summer.

Chicago Part II -- Escape to Portillos

2010-01-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

Portillo's was not the planned dinner destination. And while it didn't take a prison escape to get there, some stealth was indeed involved.

But Spicy Food Guy gets ahead of himself.

SFG and 12 fun and favorite colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG) were in Chicago to debate if Anakin Skywalker should enter jedi training and ultimately bring balance to the universe.

Not really.

Hosting SFG and FFCSFG were trendy Chicago based colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (TCBCSFG) and they announced the morning of the meeting that dinner that evening would be "A wine bar and pizza/pasta place".

Multiple alarm buzzers went off in SFG's head.

By law, any pizza consumed in Chicago must be deep dish. It has to have meat. It has to weigh 35 pounds. One time several years ago, SFG was in Chicago for an informal meeting that was in walking distance from SFG's hotel. SFG stopped at Giordano's world famous deep dish pizza place and picked up a big old pizza for his lunch (SFG intended to share). When SFG got to the building where the meeting was, the lobby guard assumed SFG was a pizza delivery guy. True story.

But Spicy Food Guy sooooo digresses.

SFG quickly ascertained that any pizza associated with a wine bar was unlikely to be deep dish. In fact, this wine bar pizza place sounded like it was going to be one of those downtown trendy froo froo restaurant places.

Bingo.

Now, in all fairness, TCBCSFG were tickled with their decision, and TCBCSFG are smart, nice, passionate people and SFG really likes them. SFG was determined to make the best of it. But when SFG walked in, he immediately noted the following:

1) The servers were dressed all in black.
2) The tables were packed tightly together.
3) The wineglasses were oversized.

Indeed this was a trendy froo froo downtown place. SFG enjoyed the wine, the company, the roasted artichokes, and the pizza (not all of it; the young woman seated next to SFG had a pizza with a topping that can only be described as a baby greens salad). So it was fine as trendy downtown spots go, but SFG yearned for more.

That's about when the plotting began.

As it turned out, the FFCSFG seated next to SFG had grown up in Chicago, and swore he could not leave town until he had eaten an Italian Beef Sandwich from Portillo's, a famous hot dog and sandwich place that is a big favorite of Chicago natives.

And there was a Portillo's location not just two blocks away.

"We're going there after this dinner", SFG whispered to FFCSFG, "alert the others".

So very quietly the word spread, and a total of four FFCSFGs agreed to the plan. They all happened to be male.

So as dessert was wrapping up, SFG and the four FFCSFGs stood up to quietly slip out. A particularly astute TCBCSFG saw the exchange of glances and very wrongly assumed SFG and pals were headed to a strip club. A strip club? When there are chili cheese dogs to be had? Surely TCBCSFG jested, but still, some clarification was required and SFG had to come clean on the evening's plot. So good-bye's were said, and SFG and the four FFCSFGs stepped outside.

Cold.

Really, really cold. Brutal cold. Chicago lake wind cold. We made it a block before SFG announced "We can't stay out here, we must take refuge in this Irish pub we are standing next to."

So refuge was taken. For 40 minutes or so. And when SFG and FFCSFGs had each had a couple of pints of refuge, it was time to soldier on the last half block or so to Portillo's.

And what can SFG say about Portillo's? Only that it's hot Italian sausage is fabulous beyond measure, that SFG wolfed down the chili cheese dog inside about three minutes, that the Maxwell Street style polish sausage has terrific flavor. Is SFG saying he had one of each? SFG takes the fifth, and seconds and thirds. At least while he is dining at Portillos.

The Chicago native FFCSFG had his Italian beef sandwich fix, and he insisted we all taste the tamales. While the tamales weren't bad, the hot itailian sausage was voted best in class by SFG and a couple of non-native FFCSFGs.

So that's the tale of two restaurants. And Portillo's is now a must stop eatery when SFG hits Chicago. Go there.

Part I -- Chicago in Winter is "Hot as a Mutha"

2010-01-11T18:27:00.000-08:00

Question:

Why was Spicy Food Guy's decision to consume two deep fried habanero peppers at dinner in Chicago last week so similar to (then) President Bush's decision to invade Iraq in 2002?

Answer:

In our anxiousness to attack, neither of us really thought through how painful the exit strategy would be.

But Spicy Food Guy is getting ahead of himself.

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in the Windy City last week. Fortunately for SFG, he was joined by 12 Fun and Favorite Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FFCSFG). And very fortunately for FFCSFG, they were wise enough to allow SFG to select the dinner venue.

So off we went to Heaven on Seven, one of SFG's all time favorite restaurants. Anywhere.

And because SFG and FFCSFG made a nice baker's dozen at the dinner table, sharing appetizers and entrees was the strategy of the evening.

It began deliciously and innocently enough: fried green tomatoes, grilled andouille sausage on sweet potato polenta (which tasted angelic, given we were in Heaven), fried oysters, crab cakes. Then, somewhere into about beer two, SFG decided to order up a "Hot as a Mutha", which is a deep fried whole habanero pepper served in a bed of mango salsa.

SFG found the fried pepper to have a great texture, with the softness of the pepper offsetting the crunch of the batter. And like most habanero's, the pepper had sweet fruity overtones. And it was hot as fiery hell blazes.

So Spicy Food Guy felt very strongly that FFCSFG had to have a piece of this action. So he ordered another.

With various degrees of bravado, enthusiasm (or total lack thereof), and trepidation did FFCSFG approach their slices of the fried habanero. Some actually enjoyed it and have the potential to become real chileheads. Others of FFCSFG acted as if their tongues had been seared by living fire (this was especially true of the one FFCSFG who happens to have the physique of a pro wrestler). Some hid under the table.

Soon enough the commotion settled and everyone had a fabulous meal. As a reward for the habanero's, SFG and FFCSFG ended the meal with slices of chocolate peanut butter pie and mississippi mud pie.

Here is what Spicy Food Guy has to say about these desserts -- you want this. You really, really want this.

So declares SFG.

Food and Books -- A Year in Review

2010-01-01T16:28:00.001-08:00

Mostly, it was a year to hunker down.

Wiped out 401K, endless worry about layoffs, a year of nervousness. Not surprisingly, Spicy Food Guy's 2009 food and brain diet reflected his circumstances. Lots of soups, lots of stews, foods that are warm and comforting.

On the reading side, lots of science fiction and fantasy, places to escape. And plenty of American history, especially the trying times, seeking to understand, attempting to find perspective.

Like Tim Egan's "The Worst Hard Time", a fascinating account of the dust bowl at the time of the great depression. Also Stephen Ambrose's "Undaunted Courage", an in-depth look at the tragic character of Meriwhether Lewis of the Lewis and Clark expedition, as well as "D-Day" and "Citizen Soldiers", two fascinating non-fictional accounts of World War II.

Gumbo and jambalaya were often on the menu at SFG's house, all full of roasted chicken, garlic and jalapeno sausage, and shrimp. Served with bismati rice. Filling.

On the fantasy side, a couple of very good trilogies. Joe Abercrombie writes sort of like a dark Tolkien with "The Blade Itself", "Before They are Hanged", and "The Last Argument of Kings".

Brent Weeks may have penned the year's best three book fantasy series with "The Way of Shadows", "Shadow's Edge", and "Beyond the Shadows". SFG's favorite written line of the year comes from the last book:

"Perhaps it's just the way the greatest magic works: justice and mercy entwined. It's a mystery, Kylar. A mystery on a par with the question of why is there life at all? If you wish to answer the mystery by positing a God, you can, or you can say that it just is -- and either way, be glad for it, for it is a gift. Or a most fortunate accident."

Diners were a favorite of the SFG family this year, whether at home or on the road. The kids loved the Dor-Stop here at home, and the Richmond River City Diner got rave reviews as well.

Spicy Food Guy discovered a favorite new Science Fiction author when he found Robert Charles Wilson. In quick succession, SFG knocked off "Spin", "Axis" (the two go together), "Blind Lake", and "The Chronoliths". Similar to Wilson is Joe Haldeman, with interesting reads "The Coming", "The Accidental Time Machine", and "Camouflage".

After burning out a bit on Science Fiction, SFG sobered up to some American History with Michael Shaara's "The Killer Angels", a breathtaking semi-fictional account of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg. After getting hooked on Angels, SFG followed up with a rash of Jeff Shaara (son of Michael) works, including "Rise to Rebellion" and "A Glorious Cause", a fabulous two part fictional account of the revolutionary war. SFG also took in Shaara's "Gods and Generals", which brings Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson to life in a way no history textbook ever has.

For a quick trip back to fantasy, SFG slogged his way through the four part, 3,000+ pages of Tad Williams "The Otherworld" series. It's only for the patient and brave of heart, but SFG really enjoyed it.

Pizza was big for SFG and his family in 2009. We discovered Harry's, a fantastic pizza joint in the south hills of Pittsburgh, and of course SFG enjoyed the spicy pizza at Mt Lebanon's Il Pizzaiolo.

Being a bit burnt out on Science Fiction and American History, SFG enjoyed a delightful read with Pat Conroy's "South of Broad". He followed up with a collection of essays by Malcolm Gladwell in "What the Dog Saw". A birthday gift brought Laurence Bergreen's "Marco Polo: From Venice to Xanadu", and followed up with Bergreen's "Over the Edge of the World: Magellan's Terrifying Circumnavigation of the Globe". The latter was particularly vivid, especially the contrast of the Pacific part of the journey against the Atlantic leg. Plus, SFG had forgotten that Magellan died on the voyage, so that part was kind of like a non-fictional historical surprise.

Ice Cream was another source of comfort to SFG and his loved ones this past year, and the find of the year had to be the Sarris's Ice Cream Shop in Cannonsburg PA. The Family of Spicy Food Guy made that road trip at least a half a dozen times in 2009.

Back to Amercan History, SFG got a great peek of some great old characters with John Meacham's "American Lion," an entertaining account of Andy Jackson. Another good humorous biography was Walter Isaacson's "Benjamin Franklin", and one of the best reads of the year was the richly detailed story of Lincoln's cabinet, "A Team of Rivals".

Finally, big old meat entree's played well in 2009, with steak at Arthur's, ribs at Jasper's and Two Brothers, roasted pork sandwiches at Dinics, and bone-in bison at Mills Tavern.

But fortunately for you, dear reader, Spicy Food Guy was able to resolve once and for all whether red or green chile sauce is best for huevos rancheros.

Have a great 2010. May your table be full and your reading list fascinating. Peace out.

Two Brothers BBQ in Presto PA is a Hidden Gem

2009-12-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

Three signs that a BBQ joint will serve excellent food:

1) It's a trailer

2) Cash only

3) It shares a parking lot with a beer store

Two Brothers BBQ in Presto Pennsylvania (motto: "We let the Kindergarten Class name the town"), right outside Pittsburgh, shares all of the above qualities.

In addition with sharing a parking lot with a beer store, Two Brothers is also directly across the street from a fire department. So when you really sit down and think about it, Two Brothers has the best and most strategic location of any BBQ joint anywhere in the free world.

But Spicy Food Guy soooooo digresses.

Three more reasons to make the trek to Two Brothers: baby back ribs, pulled pork, and BBQ nachos. All excellent, smoky, juicy, tender. SFG usually orders a full rack of ribs, a pound of pulled pork, a container of cole slaw, and sides of cornbread cake and mac & cheese. Not all for himself, of course, for all the non-vegetarian family members of SFG (5 out of 6).

The one problem Spicy Food Guy has with Two Brothers is that the pungent smell wafting around the parking lot makes SFG's middle aged tummy growl like a pride of lions. But if you can get through that and a maddening drive home with BBQ smells attacking all your senses, the reward is ample and just.

Two Brothers, you want this. So says Spicy Food Guy.

All American Soup -- Cheesy, Hearty, Delicous

2009-12-29T18:35:00.000-08:00

OK, first of all, Spicy Food Guy acknowledges he is in the midst of a soup creation frenzy.

Recently, SFG picked up a copy of "365 Easy Soup Recipes" at the Half Price Books Store and decided to give one of the recipes, All American Soup, a little spin.

Because SFG is revealing the recipe without the express and written consent of Cookbook Resources LLC, SFG fully expects that lawsuits will fly, financial institutions will fall, and the balance of the universe may fall out of alignment.

Nonetheless:

Start by sauteing an onion and the strips of 3 chicken breasts in a favorite saucepan. SFG had no chicken, so he subsituted 2 turkey breasts instead. Also, SFG added 3 to 4 cloves of garlic (off recipe). He also added a cup of chopped celery (off recipe). Set aside.

In a great big pot, put in about 4 cups of chicken stock, 1 10oz can of tomatoes with green chiles, and 3 cubed russet potatoes. SFG subbed in Yukon Gold potatoes instead of russet potatoes for the flavor factor.

Add the turkey/chicken, onion, celery, and garlic to the big pot. Boil all that stuff up until the potatoes are nice and soft.

Next add a can of creamy celery soup, a can of milk, and a teaspoon of basil and a teaspoon of salt. Off recipe, SFG added a teaspoon of onion powder and a teaspoon of garlic powder.
SFG added about 6 oz of Velveeta, and about 6 oz of sharp cheddar (off recipe). Finally, stir in a half cup of sour cream. Spicy Food Guy let all that get happy for another 30 minutes.

After ladling into bowls, SFG garnished with bacon bits and garlic flavored dried fried onions.

Everybody ate like hungry dogs.

Soup's on at SFG's house.

Roasted Red Pepper Soup for a Wintry Day

2009-12-28T17:35:00.000-08:00

On a recent snowy and icy Pittsburgh December day, Spicy Food Guy cooked up a terrific roasted red pepper soup from a Giada De Laurentis recipe on Foodnetwork.com.

SFG is attaching her picture here so we can all be reminded of sandy beaches and warm sunshine.

Riiiiiiiight.

To get her full recipe, click on this link:

Roasted Red Pepper Soup at Foodnetwork.com.

Now here are some additional hints from your local neighborhood Spicy Food Guy:

Double the garlic, add a can of tomato paste; these additions will add a nice depth of flavor. Also, add a teaspoon of onion powder and a half teaspoon of garlic powder. Instead of a regular blender, puree the soup with an immersion hand blender. Why? Because it's a way funner kitchen toy than a blender. The hand blender is basically the kitchen equivalent of a vibrator, so using it brings a naughty sort of sexual connotation not often found in soup preparation.

But Spicy Food Guy sooooo digresses.

Spring for the mascarpone cheese (as the recipe calls for) because it has the correct consistency and flavor to marry with the pureed soup.

The soup is excellent, but not as hearty as SFG's version of creamy chicken green chile soup. Serve the red pepper soup with warm garlic bread.

Fabulous for a winter day.

Word out, spicy fans.

Best Green Chile Soup for a Snow Day

2009-12-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy woke up to the first dusting of snow in the 'burgh this weekend, so it was time for some hot and hearty soup.

The day called for something creamy and spicy at the same time, so SFG elected to prepare a creamy green chile soup. To see the original recipe as it is written at Foodnetwork.com, click on this link below.

Creamy Green Chile Soup.

Credit to Sandra Lee (pictured here for sheer bibliography purposes -- riiiiiiiiight) for supplying the recipe to Foodnetwork.com, but SFG deemed it in need of some extra punch.

Sandra's recipe calls for a teaspoon of crushed garlic. SFG increased that by at least threefold, maybe four. The recipe suggests three cans of diced green chilies, so SFG added one. Then Spicy Food Guy added a couple of chopped up fresh jalapenos. SFG would have thrown in a couple of habaneros, but Kids of Spicy Food Guy (KOSFG) planned on eating the soup, so SFG reigned himself in a bit.

Instead of the Mexican Crema, SFG used a clever substitution of cheddar and jalepeno sour cream dip.

Nowhere at all does Sandra's recipe call for a rotisserie chicken, but Spicy Food Guy thought the addition of pulled breast meat from a roasted chicken would take the soup from appetizer status to winter entree worthy. SFG was correct.

Finally, SFG used corn that had been grilled on the cob over the summer and then frozen for just this purpose. And next time, SFG suspects he will add additional flavor to the dish by roasting fresh peppers as opposed to using canned chilies.

Creamy green chile soup is everything you want in winter -- hearty, hot, spicy, fattening, and delicious. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Bone-In Bison in Rhode Island and an Apology to Munch

2009-12-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

We interrupt this blog entry for the following announcement.

Spicy Food Guy had an "Oh Shit" moment this week when Munch posted a comment on SFG's recent blog entry. As my 3 regular readers probably know, Munch is a REAL food writer for a REAL newspaper, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

Now Munch's comment was nice and helpful enough, but SFG sensed an underlying recalcitrance toward SFG that is wholly deserved.

See, when SFG started this blog a couple of years back, he copied Munch's literary device of referring to himself and his friends in the 3rd person and using initials. For example, Third Rate Food Blogger Fan of Munch would be designated as TRFBFOM in Munch's column. SFG should have published a disclosure about this when he began his blog, but frankly, SFG never thought anybody would ever give his blog any meaningful attention.

So anyway, Munch, I apologize for not having acknowledged how I copied your literary device. To correct this, I have added a permanent disclosure box to the left of my posts and below the blog labels. Let me know if this disclosure brings justice to your Munchly heart. And, also, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell do you think of my blog?

OK, SFG has soooo digressed from the subject at hand, which is bone-in bison.

But first, let's start by stating that for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Providence, Rhode Island (Note to Munch, this "best left unknown" thing is an oft repeated phrase in SFG's blog. You''ll be happy to know I made it up).

So anyway, SFG and a group of Very Polite and Gracefull Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (VPAGCOSFG) went to dinner at the ultra-swanky, superbly elegant, and rather arrogant (really) Mills Tavern. Mills Tavern has won a ton of awards and accolades, and the waiter's state, with very real confidence, that "the lamb will be the best lamb you have ever tasted". He said that. Really.

Now, on this particular evening, the entree in discussion between the waiter and VPAGCOSFG was the wood grilled 28oz bone-in bison tomahawk rib chop glazed in peppadew ketchup. The waiter insisted it was an experience not to be missed, that, cooked medium rare, the bison chop would be one of the most succulent culinary experiences of our collective lifetimes. VPAGCOSFG were concerned about the serving size -- 28 ounces -- it seemed like too much.

So the waiter said, with a straight face, and SFG swears he is not making this up:

"The bone itself weighs about nine ounces."

VPAGCOSFG nodded thoughtfully and graciously. Spicy Food Guy gurgled a sort of high pitched choke. Because, in his boyishly immature soul, SFG was shrieking hysterically.

"The BONE weighs nine OUNCES", silently shrieked Spicy Food Guy, the operative word being silently, "That's what SHE SAID. Maybe for YOU, little man! Maybe you need a NEW BONE!" SFG was convulsing.

"Are you OK?" VPAGCOSFG asked politely.

"Ummmpphh,huhhuhhuh," SFG answered, desperately trying to keep the lid on.

In the end, SFG and VPAGCOSFG agreed to order the mixed shellfish platter, bison, the lamb, the venison, and just kind of split it up so that everybody could try everything.

Let it be said Mills Tavern has earned the right to be arrogant. The roasted lamb, encrusted in horseradish and mustard, served on a bed of goat cheese mashed potatoes, was indeed some of the best lamb SFG has ever tasted. The bison was rich and delicious, and SFG Noted that one of the VPAGCOSFGs didn't share as much of the bison as SFG had anticipated. The venison was spectacular. For sides, the group had pan roasted mushrooms, mac & cheese, and old fashioned baked beans.

All in all, Spicy Food Guy considered Mills Tavern one of his finer dining experiences, an experience that could almost make SFG a Foodie. A real Foodie. Like my buddy Munch.

The Best Hot Sauce for Italian Food

2009-11-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

Even the most ardent of Chileheads hesitates to juice up a classic Italian dish like a fabulous lasagna or a great veal parmesan with hot sauce. Often, the hot sauce fights the oregano, basil, or rich tomato base of the dish. Trust Spicy Food Guy when he says cayenne and scotch bonnet pepper based hot sauces simply don't work.

Likewise, a strong garlic hot sauce can simply over flavor an Italian dish, and a sauce that is too hot overpowers and masks the Italian flavor.

Spicy Food Guy has searched the nooks and crannies of the hot sauce world looking for the elixir that can both enhance and add heat to a great plate of spaghetti.

So pleased as punch was Spicy Food Guy when he discovered "Sheriff Jim Taylor's All Natural Garlic and Herb Hot Sauce" that professes to "add zest to any Italian dish." And Spicy Food Guy is here to testify that Sheriff Jim Taylor tells no lies: his hot sauce is indeed the perfect complement to a penne and bolognese entree. Not overly hot, nice touches of garlic and basil and oregano without being overbearing. It has a slight saltiness and vinegar that really works with marinara.

But there are some mysteries.

First, just who was Sheriff Taylor and what was his role in hot sauce development? We know from the bottle that "Sheriff Jim Taylor was the true and real sheriff of Surry County North Carolina in the 1960s and 1970s and lived in Mount Airy, North Carolina."

That's it. That's all we know. There are no references to how the Sheriff of Surry County came to be associated with a hot sauce, either on the label or on the Internet. Did he wake one night in the midst of an epiphany filled dream and yell "Tabasco peppers with Italian herbs, that's the secret to the elixir?" Spicy Food Guy does not know.

Second mystery? Sheriff Taylor's hot sauces are not widely available. Google searches turn up only "The Rustic Barn" as the venue to order Sheriff Taylor's products. And even more mysterious, the Garlic and Herb hot sauce is not one of the products available to order.

Which brings Spicy Food Guy to his third and final mystery: just how in the hell did SFG end up with this particular hot sauce in his collection? Spicy Food Guy has no earthly idea. Did he get it in a North Carolina airport? Possibly. Or at Zestfest 2007 or 2008? Maybe. But he doesn't really know. Not at all.

Spicy Food Guy suspects it was smuggled into his collection by Elves. It is the season, after all. And Spicy Food Guy has been soooo nice as of late. And full. Lasagna with Sheriff Jim Taylor Hot Sauce. You heard it here.

An Unexpected Arrival, a Seattle Scramble, and a Spanish Tapa Featuring Octopus

2009-11-27T14:46:00.000-08:00

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American General Public, Spicy Food Guy found himself on the road again last week. This time the trip was to Seattle, via Detroit on Northwest Airlines.

The plane lands about 6:00 PST, a tad early, and the pilot makes the following announcement:

"We will have to wait a few minutes before we can deboard the plane. The Ground Crew wasn't expecting us."

Really?

Spicy Food Guy has a very difficult time buying the Pilot's story. The flight had been in the public record for at least six months; some passengers on the plane had made their reservations over 100 days ago. And if the public record was too enigmatic, it turns out that there are dozens of electronic signs throughout the airport that say "Arrivals" with all the flights and times right there for any casual observer can see. Spicy Food Guy posits that a Grounds Crew would have to try very hard not to be aware of the inbound Northwest flight from Detroit.

Spicy Food Guy imagines two guys playing cards in the jetway having the following conversation:

HANK: "Was that the doorbell?"

BOB: "Sure was. Were you expecting anyone?"

HANK: "No. Let me look out the window."

BOB: "Who's there?"

HANK: "I'll be damned. It's a big airplane, and it's full of people!"

BOB: "This is so unexpected."

But Spicy food guy sooo digresses. The trip to Seattle was actually a great success, and it all started with some great hotel food at the Airport Marriott. And as us frequent travelers know, finding great hotel food is right up there with a unicorn sighting: happens rarely to never.

First, there were the Buffalo Tempura Wings from the lobby bar, which were actually strips of chicken breast fried in a light tempura batter. Add some hot buffalo sauce and blue cheese. Fabulous after a transatlantic flight. SFG had three orders. Really.

Then there was the breakfast at the Aquaterra restaurant right next to the lobby. SFG had the Seattle Scramble: smoked salmon, lightly scrambled eggs, and cream cheese, all mixed together and seasoned with dill. All in all, a salmon lover's dream, though SFG ascertained that the payoff ingredient was the cream cheese (it looked to SFG that the chef used about 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of cream cheese, and about a 1/2 cup of smoked salmon, for those of you who want to try this at home).

As it happens, this hotel dining was all a warm-up for what turned out to be a culinary extravaganza at the downtown Spanish Tapas restaurant, the Harvest Vine.

But first a bit about the company joining SFG. The leadoff batters were two Female Midwestern Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), bringing their Pennsylvania taste buds to a west coast culinary show. Also joining SFG were two West Coast Colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (WCCOSFG). WCCOSFG are snazzy dressers with sharp shirts and jackets. Spicy Food Guy always feels like a slob when he is with them. Rounding out the company were Elk Hunting Friend of Spicy Food Guy (EHFOSFG), a long-time friend of SFG with a sharp and peculiar sense of humor, and Falsely Modest Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (FMCOSFG), who ordered the wine. SFG details all this because, at the end of the day, this was a company worth keeping. Had the food been horrific, which it was not, SFG would have enjoyed his table. And it's not always like that, out on the road.

The dinner began with FMCOSFG insisting that he wasn't qualified to order the wine, given how little he knew about the nectar of the gods. "I really don't know much," shrugged FMCOSFG, "except what I learned during the two months my wife and I lived in the vineyards of Northern Spain."

What?

Turns out the wine was an excellent surprise. Nessa Albarino. A Spanish white wine with medium body, citrus overtones, and hints of European Basketball. SFG loved it.

The tapas were beyond fabulous. SFG was shocked at how much he enjoyed the "Ensalada de Remolachas", red and yellow beet slices with garlic and vinegar. An off-the-menu tapa was grilled vinison with chard, and the bitterness of the greens was the perfect offset for the wild grilled taste of the deer. The fois gras melted in SFG's mouth. And the Octopus! The "Pulpo da Feira" on crackers made even the conservative FMCOSFGs re-think their culinary disposition regarding eight legged entrees.

So Seattle was splendid, the food was rich and delicious, and the company couldn't be beat. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Decent Airport BBQ and Business Travel Musings

2009-10-30T17:33:00.001-07:00

Spicy Food Guy lives in the grey area of business travel; just enough trips to make air travel frustrating and painful, not enough to enjoy the perks that come with heavy accumulations of reward miles and points. This grey area is puzzling to SFG, given that his colleagues travel at about the same rate he does. Here is a typical conversation with Bright and Smiley Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (BASCOSFG):

BASCOSFG: "This past summer I flew me and my family to Asia and Antarctica using my frequent flyer miles! We went first class!"

SFG: "Antarctica?"

BASCOSFG: "And on the way home, we stopped in London and stayed on the grounds of Buckingham Palace using my Marriott Reward points!"

SFG: "Buckingham Palace?"

BASCOSFG: "And we had tea with the Queen!"

Spicy Food Guy does not have tea with the Queen. Instead, Spicy Food Guy has a Boarding Pass. It is a familiar Boarding Pass -- Row 23, the back -- Seat B, the middle -- Zone 4, boarding last. Spicy Food Guy knows from experience that 23B Zone 4 is a code, code for a familiar phrase that haunts the business traveler, code for "no more overhead space available".

Indeed, the airline representative is waiting for SFG at the end of his trudge down the jetway:

"There is no more overhead space, Sir. We will need to check your bag, Sir. What is your final destination, Sir?"

And so Spicy Food Guy responds:

"All things taken in the balance, I'm afraid the final destination is looking a lot like Hell. But tonight I was hoping to make it to Newark, New Jersey. My guess is that the airport code is the same."

This does not even get a smile form the airline representative, given that Airline Union rule 213 provision a1(c) subsection D does not allow for the use of humor on airport premises. Ever.

So Spicy Food Guy checks the bag. Interestingly, though, on the march back to 23, Spicy Food Guy notices that there is plenty of overhead space available from about row 15 on. Lots of space. Scads of space. Spicy Food Guy could have thrown his daughter's high school graduation party in the amount of space available in the overhead bins. SFG decides not to let the issue pass.

"Excuse me," SFG says gently to the passing flight attendant, "I notice there is lots of overhead space. I was told there was none."

The flight attendant looks at SFG blankly. "Who is this creature?" her eyes seem to say, "Why is he speaking such nonsense to me?" She says nothing.

"Well I was told I would need to check my bag because there was no space."

No response.

"Well, there seems to have been a fundamental breakdown in communications in the 32 linear feet it takes to get from row 15 to the front of the plane."

No response.

"Well, this concerns me, in so much as you and your crew are responsible for my personal safety when this big metal tube gets 30,000 fucking feet in the fucking air!"

OK, Spicy Food Guy didn't really say the last one, but he thought it. He thought it very loudly.

But Spicy Food Guy has digressed from the subject at hand, which is whether or not decent BBQ is available in any airport in the Continental United States. Fortunately, the answer is "yes", as long as you are connecting through Charlotte, NC.

It's in the food court, and it's called Brookwood Farms North Carolina Pit BBQ. Get the pulled pork sandwich with the vinegar based bbq sauce. Make certain you get the cole slaw on the sandwich, not to the side. Your official side should be the baked beans, fried okra, or mac and cheese. Get an extra fried dill pickle because they rock the house. For a drink, you get a Budweiser; not a soda, not an import, an American Budweiser.

Now, take your tray and sit down. Take a deep breath. Bite into the pulled pork sandwich. Tender, it is, with a nice bbq tang from the sauce. Take a pull from the Bud.

A little bit of heaven, Brookwood BBQ, right in the middle of business traveler hell. Because your flight is delayed, and your boarding pass is 23B, Zone 4. Again.

A Different Diner, the Same Daughter, More Deliberations

2009-08-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

Athens, Ohio, just off campus of Ohio University

It's a dreadfully humid August day in southeastern Ohio. Spicy Food Guy and Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) are visiting the campus of Ohio University, where IEDOSFG will be matriculating as a freshman in the Honors Tutorial College in just a few weeks. We are taking a break from the heat to have lunch at the Court Diner.

The diner is old school; a trailer style New Jersey diner with chrome fixtures that have rounded edges. SFG's booth sags in the middle and is partly held together with duct tape. Right next to SFG's left leg, foam sticks through a fist sized hole in the seat. The Court Diner has clearly fed thousands of OU students at all hours of the day and night through countless sleepless semesters. If the diner was a car, it would be a run-down jeep with 190,000 miles. It would qualify for Cash for Clunkers.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

It is a serious conversation, between Dad and Daughter, here in this diner. There are some upperclassmen milling about campus. IEDOSFG is only a couple weeks away from living here.

It's getting real.

IEDOSFG is contemplating her decisions. She wants to love it here, she wants desperately to have a joyful and rich experience. She doesn't say that in so many words, but her eyes scream it.

The waitress is here.

SFG orders the four cheese mac & cheese on penne pasta with breadcrumbs and garlic toast. At $7.49, SFG notes wryly, this is the most expensive item on the menu. IEDOSFG orders a cheeseburger and fries. The food arrives and it is excellent. SFG wolfs down the mac & cheese. IEDOSFG is more tentative with her food, pushing it around her plate; to match her mood, perhaps.

Spicy Food Guy is not really that worried. IEDOSFG is hardwired to enjoy herself wherever she is. This is the kid who had the "best Christmas ever" every Christmas. She will be fine, here in the Honors Tutorial College at OU.

SFG thoughts are more about time and self-reflection. "I was just here," he says a bit incredulously, softly to himself, "Not this campus, not this State, but I was here, here in a place just like this."

"I was young and strong and scared and delirious. And it was like, only a few months ago. My parents should be dropping me off here. Where in the world did almost 30 years (that can't be right!) go?"

Spicy Food Guy supposes he is not much different than the Court Diner. We both sag a bit in the middle. Some foam is starting to poke through the holes. And Spicy Food Guy has some duct tape on his soul.

But Spicy Food Guy stays silent about all that. There is too much promise in the humid air today. Despite her uncertainty, IEDOSFG eyes gleam. She wants challenge. Demands it. She is eager to move in with her roommate, go to class, embrace the experience. Today, SFG is here as a driver, and this trip is all about his passenger. Today, there is a sense of rightness, of scary excitement, a sense of no limits.

Good luck and godspeed, IEDOSFG. Inhale it all. And if Dad has a piece of advice, it is to savor your food. A good mac & cheese can provide a great deal of perspective if you are paying attention. And a good meal with close friends in a romping college restaurant is a treasure. So is lunch with Dad in some old diner. And to paraphrase a good writer named Luke, "wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I'll miss you.

SFG Answers the "Red Chile Sauce Versus Green Chile Sauce" Debate

2009-08-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

There are debates so fundamental in nature that, when resolved, will unravel those mysteries that represent the very fabric of the universe. These debates are so critical that the fates of living worlds lie in the balance. You know the questions: 1) does string theory represent the key to unlocking grand unification in the field of physics, 2) is the designated hitter an abomination to the game of baseball, and 3) is red chile sauce or green chile sauce the best topping for huevos rancheros?

By the way, the answers are yes, yes, and red chile sauce (but just barely). Is Spicy Food Guy good, or what? He is the Judge Judy of quantum physics and the culinary judicial system. You set 'em up, SFG will knock 'em down.

Lest you think Spicy Food Guy did not apply critical analysis to the red chile sauce versus green chile sauce debate, consider the picture above. SFG prepared a plate of rancheros: flour tortilla topped with refried beans, two fried eggs (over easy), jalapeno peppers, and white cheddar and monterey jack cheese. He topped half of this delectable dish with New Mexican Red Chile Sauce, and half with New Mexican Green Chile Sauce. Spicy Food Guy is also the modern day Solomon of culinary justice; split it in half and the truth will come forth. But does the end result look like the best breakfast ever, or what?

The contest was, in racing terms, a photo finish. The green chile sauce had a tad more authenticity and the better texture. The red chile sauce had a more pleasing and complex flavor; some sweetness and smokiness with a lick of garlic and onions -- with the right amount of heat. And the red color made a more arresting visual presentation, for you uptight foodie types that care about that sort of thing.

The debate is over, the question is answered. Red chile sauce by a nose. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Arthur's Tavern is a Carnivore's Dream

2009-08-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

For reason's best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy recently found himself hungry and thirsty in Morris Plains, New Jersey. The motto of Morris Plains is "A Community of Caring". It should be "A Community Where Meat Eaters Gather to Gorge Themselves". But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Fortunately, Spicy Food Guy was accompanied by Fun Meat Loving Friends of Spicy Food Guy (FMLFOSFG), and we had reservations at Arthur's Tavern. Arthur's is a meat lover's place, with a menu filled with steaks, ribs, pork chops, and burgers. The decor is western tavern with red and white checkered tablecloths. And best of all, the draft beer comes in 34oz "mugs" reminiscent of Bavarian beer steins. There is zero chance Spicy Food Guy or FMLFOSFG are going to leave with available space in their bellies.

Spicy Food Guy ordered the full rack of ribs, and the FMLFOSFG immediately across from SFG ordered the 24 oz ribeye. And for the hell of it, SFG and three other conspirators ordered the award winning cheeseburger, get this, as a side.

So Spicy Food Guy ate the ribs (which were succulent), a portion of his neighbor's award winning ribeye (medium rare, flavorful and juicy), and part of the famous cheeseburger (to die for), all of which was washed down with a really big beer. SFG then waddled home, happy and ready to hibernate.

Arthur's Tavern is not where you take your vegan girlfriend (who you should probably break up with anyway). It's a place you go to pig out. On meat. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Crab Cakes and Eggs at Richmond's River City Diner

2009-08-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

As my two regular readers will attest, Spicy Food Guy usually does not disclose the purposes behind SFG's travel. SFG is elusive that way.

But it is the height of summer. The car is hot, the kids are irritable. Great time for a family vacation. The road beckons. Specifically, the road says "Come down to the Outer Banks and gorge on warm Duck Donuts", but that is the subject of another post.

So we have a family of five packed into Spicy Food Guy's Lincoln Navigator. There would have been six, but Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) wisely opts out of what is shaping up to be an eight day Survivor game of out-whine, out-cry, and out-pout the other family members.

The ride down and it is dinner time in Richmond Virginia. The Family of Spicy Food Guy decides to try the River City Diner in the north part of the city. The diner is brightly lit in a 50's style car motif. Friendly staff, great menus, hard place not to smile.

And the food is hearty, delicious, and filling. Spicy Food Guy orders the Crab Cake and Eggs on the grounds that he likes crab cakes, likes eggs, but has never thought to combine the two. The combination works in that odd kind of "I never would have thought of this" kind of way. Added bonus: SFG gets to eat in relative silence because kids and step-kids of Spicy Food Guy cannot speak with their mouths gorged with eggs, bacon, grits, and other southern comfort foods. All in all, a big hit. The kids order thick, frosty milkshakes to go.

Some seven days later, the Spicy Food Guy family would hit the River City Diner again on the way home. That's extra bases in the world of dining, and that's a baseball metaphor in a summer story. Spicy Food Guy is just clever that way.

Duck Donuts Deliciously Decadent

2009-07-26T18:22:00.001-07:00

Spicy Food Guy has long been a fan of the Outer Banks in North Carolina. About a hundred years ago, in the 1980's, Spicy Food Guy would oft travel to the Outer Banks to surf fish when the Bluefish ran every November and March.

But along with terrific fishing and the natural beaches, the Outer Banks also sports what may be one of the finest donut shops this side of the Mississippi.

Duck donuts. Served warm and freshly dipped in the coating of your choice. Spicy Food Guy loves the vanilla. The chocolate is incredible. Have both. So says Spicy Food Guy.

A Diner, A Daughter, and Deliberations

2009-05-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

So it's last Saturday, a rare golden Pittsburgh spring day, and Spicy Food Guy is enjoying a Father Daughter breakfast at the Dor-Stop Restaurant in Dormont, PA. A comfy establishment, the Dor-Stop. Been on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on the Food Network.

Spicy Food Guy is enjoying perfectly cooked sunny side up eggs, bacon, and french toast topped with gobs of butter. Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) is munching on some banana chocolate chip pancakes. The food is scrumptious and hearty. The company is better.

The occasion is IEDOSFG's 18th birthday, which isn't technically until the next day. It's OK, though. Father Daughter meals have become a tad more infrequent over the past couple of years. A busy high school career, scads of friends, and the ability to drive have made IEODSFG a young lady in demand. Graduation is weeks away, and the start of college is a hazy horizon that is coming into focus as each day passes. Spicy Food Guy looks thoughtfully across the table at this tall, slender, attractive young lady. SFG is smart enough to soak in these moments into his heart. Remember this, he whispers to himself, this is the good stuff.

Spicy Food Guy watches IEDOSFG as she chats and catches him up on the latest scoop. Socially, she is graceful and relaxed. Able to engage the biggest introvert in easy conversation. All of that from her Mother. But her eyes dart perceptively back and forth, a manifestation of a powerful and curious intellect that is almost relentless. Her eyes miss little, she is already a critical thinker. This from her Dad.

All of this gets SFG to thinking about his own youth, his summer after high school graduation. Summer of 1981. SFG worked as a ride operator at Kings Island; a water ride with a spinning platform. For SFG, a lot of walking, a lot of mopping, and hours of sweeping with an old straw broom. The sweeping was needed because there was a lemonade stand next to the water ride. The lemonade came with half a lemon. Folks would wait in line and drink their lemonade, invariably tossing their cups and half lemons onto the concrete pavilion that represented the waiting area for the water ride. So there Spicy Food Guy would be, 11:00 pm, sweeping up mounds of lemons and watching the end-of-night fireworks. Head cocked upward, feet sore from standing all day, and a small pool of sweat in the middle of his back -- that's how SFG's evening usually ended.

God SFG loved that summer. The big crowds, the laughter, the heat and humidity. Friends made over hard work, and friends lost over silly arguments tied to beer we weren't accustomed to drinking. And crushes. Big crushes on teenage girls with deep tans and sly smiles. Working all day shifts on our feet and popping back up the next day as if we had rested for a week. Fireworks every night. I think that summer about lasted forever.

Which gets Spicy Food Guy to thinking. He posits that a commonly accepted myth is that the wisdom associated with aging leads us to be better decision makers. We are older, we say, we are wiser.

But is our judgment better? Spicy Food Guy ponders this. At age 17, SFG's passions were pure and his heart was clear. The people SFG loved and admired at age 17 have by and large turned out to be terrific people -- teachers, volunteers, honest attorneys (yes, they exist). Some of the people SFG admired in his thirties and forties were assholes, but they had cash and heady titles so that made it OK. 17 year old SFG had no time or place for assholes and he gave them no quarter. He has not been so consistent almost 30 years later.

Spicy Food Guy loves his life, and he is particularly proud of his family and accomplishments. But he wishes, sometimes, that he had his SFG's 17 year old heart -- full of power and piss and vinegar and passion. SFG also understands that a yearning for one's youth is inevitable, and it is one of those things that can be triggered by a morning breakfast with a beautiful young lady that shares one's last name.

Spicy Food Guy supposes he is just jealous of IEDOSFG, with the power of youth radiating from her soul and an long open paths in front of her. She will make choices, discover treasures, savor a wide world. But now is breakfast with Dad. IEDOSFG is a beautiful young lady, Dad is quietly proud, and the breakfast is good.

Excellent Ribs at Jaspers

2009-03-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

As always, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself flung far from home; this time landing in a restaurant named Jasper's in the Lone Star Sate. Traveltex.com, which bills itself as the tourism site for Texas, uses the tagline "Texas. It's like a whole other country." Is it just Spicy Food Guy, or does everyone else snicker when they here that because it sounds like Forrest Gump talking to Jenny when he's about to go to Vietnam? But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Jasper's, which rightly sells itself as "Gourmet Backyard Cuisine", placed Spicy Food Guy in a state of agonizing indecision when it came time to select an entree. On the one hand were the baby back ribs, listed in the menu as one of "Bon Appetit's Top Choices for America's Best Ribs." Sounds like a gimme, eh? Bon Appetit, knower of all things in savory foods, crowning king the ribs of Jaspers. An absolute no brainer.

However, throwing a giant wrench into the culinary cogs of Spicy Food Guy's decision making was another possibility, the chicken fried bone-in ribeye. Spicy Food Guy loves chicken fried steaks. Spicy Food Guy loves bone-in ribeye. And here at Jasper's some inspired genius combined the two.

Spicy Food Guy had Menu Paralysis.

In the end, Spicy Food Guy went with the ribs, so as not to walk away from one of America's best. And delicious they were, crispy blackened edges, juicy and pink in the middle, tender, falling off the bone. Spicy Food Guy did not regret any part of the entree decision.

Bonus? The aged Gouda-ham mac 'n' cheese as a side. Creamy with smoky cheese. Melted in Spicy Food Guy's mouth.

Great menu, great backyard food. Jasper's is Spicy Food Guy's kind of place. Go there.

The Best Ice Cream Shop in Pennsylvania

2009-02-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

Canonsburg, PA needs a motto that fits its identity. The current motto, "The future is now, It is here in Canonsburg" rings hollow.

Technically, the motto is incorrect. The future is not now! By definition, it's later. That's why it's called the future. Spicy Food Guy supposes the leaders of Canonsburg could make the motto more factual -- "The present is now. It is here in Canonsburg." More accurate, but stupid.

If Spicy Food Guy ruled Canonsburg, he would, in an instant, change the motto to "Our Sarris Ice Cream Parlor kicks ass! Come get some." Spicy Food Guy would soooo get re-elected.

Sarris Candies is a rather serious western Pennsylvania regional business that specializes in great chocolate. Spicy Food Guy kids have been finding Sarris candies in their Easter Baskets for years. But as good as the Sarris folks are at chocolate, they are even better at ice cream.

The Sarris ice cream parlor is an old-fashioned, family fun type of place. It has one of those cool western style pianos that plays itself over in the corner. And the ice cream? Homemade, creamy, delicious, and lots and lots of it.

Spicy Food Guy had the Odd Couple, a giant scoop of vanilla covered in hot fudge, an even bigger scoop of chocolate topped with marshmallow sauce; the whole thing topped with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. That night, Spicy Food Guy lay on the couch and rubbed his purring tummy.

The future may not be now, but the ice cream is. Go to Sarris. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Spicy Food Guy Takes on Reading Station

2009-02-21T16:32:00.001-08:00

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself away from home this past week. Specifically, SFG found himself in the Market Street Marriott in the City of Brotherly Love. Directly across the street from the Reading Terminal, better known as Palate's Paradise.

Reading Terminal originally was built as a market to serve the downtown pit stop of the Philadelphia and Reading Railroad (yes, the same railroad you can buy for $200 5 places after the Go square). Reading Terminal, smack in the middle of Center City, is now home to over 80 merchants, mostly food related.

On a tip from Smart and Sweet Colleague of Spicy Food Guy (SSCOSFG), SFG began his culinary adventures at Dinics, a heavily trafficked hole in the wall serving a broad array of three sandwiches: roast beef, roast pork, and roast veal. Spicy Food Guy went with the roast pork and sharp provolone sandwich -- juicy, tender, simple. The sharp tang of the provolone was the perfect offset to the roasted flavor of the pork.

Next Spicy Food Guy tried the place voted "Best in Philly" for hot dogs -- Franks a Lot. The name is funny, but the hot dog is snappy and delicious. Spicy Food Guy didn't much care for the chili used as a topping, but a plain dog with mustard is well worth a couple of bucks.

Finally, on the last morning, Spicy Food Guy tried a breakfast scrapple sandwich from the aptly named Dutch Eating Place. Spicy Food Guy had his scrapple served with egg and cheese (a white cheddar, SFG thinks) on wheat toast. Nothing quite like being served scrapple, a meat patty of pork trimmings and specifically designed to clog the arteries of middle aged white guys, by a sweet young Amish lady wearing a bonnet. It's worth a trip to Philly, even if you have to come from far away, just to eat a scrapple sandwich on wheat toast from the Dutch Eating Place.

So says Spicy Food Guy, who has traveled to Reading Terminal, and has returned feeling quite full.

Scotch Bonnet Peppers Make Killer Hot Sauces

2009-02-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of hot sauces made with Scotch Bonnet peppers.

Scotch bonnets are natives of Jamaica, and are commonly found in many jerk seasonings. They are also known to keep away ghosts, or "duppies", as they are referred to on the Island. How a high-powered chile pepper that packs up to 350,000 scoville units came to be viewed as mystic protector against ghosts called duppies is a mystery to Spicy Food Guy, but he suspects that the early origins of this superstition have something to do with another powerful Jamaican plant called Cannabis Sativa. But Spicy Food guy digresses.

A superb example of a Scotch Bonnet Hot Sauce is Bodine's Fire in the Hole. Bodine's is known for its variety of fresh garlic, and they pack a lot of it in Fire in the Hole. The Scotch Bonnet Pepper brings the tart and smoky sweet-to-heat element that is so unique to the Scotch Bonnet.

Try it on chicken pot pie. Really. You'll thank me. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Spicy Pizza Done the Right Way

2009-01-25T12:08:00.000-08:00

The thing about spicy pizza is, it's tough to do the right way while maintaining the authenticity of a Neapolitan pizza.

Sure, Spicy Food Guy is known to slather hot sauce on the standard delivery pizza, or order a pizza with hot peppers from the local pizza joint, but the effort rings hollow. It's bringing the heat without adding any value, if you get Spicy Food Guy's meaning.

Enter a cool little neighborhood haunt in the South Hills of Pittsburgh called Il Pizzaiolo. Known for authentic Neapolitan pizzas. The oven was purchased in Naples. The cheese is imported. The owner spent quality time in Italy. All that stuff.

And they serve the Diavola. According to the menu, it's a pizza dusted with chili powder and topped with a spicy pepperoni sausage. To Spicy Food Guy, it's heaven. Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG) gets her Italian fix and Spicy Food Guy gets an authentic spicy pizza.

Everyone goes home happy and full. A great restaurant experience, so says Spicy Food Guy.

Honey Makers Bring Heat

2008-11-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy and Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG) met Zane and Zack's Mom and Dad at Zestfest 2007. Nice family. They have lots of boys, lots of bees, but no daughters. Spicy Food Guy is OK with that. That's just how they roll, as Loud Only Son of Spicy Food Guy (LOOSOSFG) would say.

Besides making boys (three, at last count, Zane, Zack, and Hans. Hans probably coming as a real relief to realtives who were expecting Zippy or Zillow, but Spicy Food Guy digresses), Sam and his wife also make most excellent honey hot sauces. Spicy Food Guy particularly likes the Honey Chipotle Sauce and the Three Brothers Hot Pepper Sauce.

The Chipotle sauce is a thick mixture of roasted jalapenos and sticky honey. Think sweet and smoky. Spicy Food Guy mostly likes to mix it with mayonnaise for a summer burger grill out. The Three Brother Hot Pepper Sauce is great with fried eggs.

Zane and Zack's is good stuff, even if the owners are Seahawks fans. So says Spicy Food Guy, Steeler fan extraordinaire.

Stagecoach Salsa Introduces Award Winning "Smoke and Fire"

2008-11-09T11:55:00.001-08:00

Spicy Food Guy reviews "Smoke and Fire" Salsa on Sogoodblog this week.

A Mouth-Watering Smooth and Spicy Habanero Garlic Mustard

2008-10-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

Who is Danny Cash?

Spicy Food Guy has no earthly idea; probably some biker guy made good in the hot sauce business, to judge by the graphics. The look reminds Spicy Food Guy of his old army buddy from jump school about 100 years ago.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Whoever the real faces are behind Danny Cash out there in the Mile High City, they sure know a thing or three about making a first class spicy garlic mustard.

This particular mustard has a very familiar smooth yellow texture. It's American, dammit, not some grainy mamsy-pamsy high-fashion mustard spread on a whole-grain cracker by some corn-holing European guy with a false sense of self-righteousness and a dandruff-flaked black sweater who has never seen a Monday Night Football game in his entire miserable life.

Not at all.

Danny Cash Flaming Habanero Mustard kicks some ass. Despite the smooth texture, the garlic comes through in fine fashion. So does the heat, but not in an overbearing way. Have it on a bologna and cheese sandwich. On white bread.

And if you are a pretentious foodie type who wants to extol the virtues of grainy European mustard, go leave your comments somewhere else. Spicy Food Guy thinks you're a Pussy.

Sorch is Appropriately Named

2008-10-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

No lies here.

No pepper extracts either.

Spicy Food Guy is generally disdainful of hot sauces made with pepper extracts. Extracts in hot sauces are like steroids in athletes. Cheating. Un-American. Godless. Counter to the very fabric of the universe.

But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Scorch is an all natural sauce made by the folks at CaJohn's. It's supposedly one of the hottest natural pepper sauces ever made. Not surprising, given it is made up of Fatalii Chiles, Red Savina Habaneros, and Orange Habaneros. And yes, it scorches, but not insanely so.

One of the big reasons Spicy Food Guy thinks Scorch is the bomb (har!) is that it is thick. Chunky thick. 60% pepper solids, according to John Hard, the formulator.

Scorch has the texture of a thick BBQ sauce, so it allows for delicate presentations if you are one of those uptight pretentious foodie types, in which case Scorch probably kicks your ass. Kinda serves you right. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Armidillo's: Another Superb Ohio Based Rib Master

2008-09-13T18:56:00.001-07:00

Spicy Food Guy recently reported how he enjoyed the recent Coors Light Kickoff and Rib Festival this past Labor Day weekend.

Spicy Food Guy especially enjoys Armadillo's, an Austintown, Ohio based catering business that produces a first class regional BBQ. The sauce is an interesting mix of Carolina and Kansas style that Spicy Food Guy believes goes best with Armadillo's ribs.

Not surprisingly, Armadillo's wins awards year after year all over the mid-west. Next year come to Heinz Field and give armadillo's a try. You won't go away hungry or disappointed. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Taco Bell Volcano Taco Delivers Some Real Heat

2008-09-13T08:20:00.001-07:00

Spicy Food Guy, who usually chuckles disdainfully at any fast food chain that touts one of their offerings as "spicy", is happy to report that the Taco Bell Volcano Taco actually produces a distinct and noticeable burn.

Add one each of a Fire and Hot sauce packet and any chilehead is set for a real, honest to god spicy fast food snack.

Spicy Food Guy crosses his fingers in hopes that the Volcano is a harbinger of future spiciness in the fast food industry.

Really Good Carolina Style BBQ in Ohio and Pennsylvania

2008-09-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

Due to both good fortune and weather on Labor Day weekend, Spicy Food Guy got to spend several quality hours at the Coors Light Kickoff and Rib Festival, held every year at Heinz Field in the Steel City.

One of SFG's favorite regional BBQ teams, Old Carolina, was there cooking mountains of ribs (pictured here). Spicy Food Guy wolfed down a half slab covered in a very hot and spicy BBQ sauce called, kid you not, Screaming Beaver. If nothing else, the Old Carolina team is to be congratulated on their creative naming process for their sauces.

But alas, the folks at Old Carolina are just as good at cooking ribs and pork shoulders as they are at naming sauces. The ribs are smoky, tender, and have just the right amount of fatty juiciness. But if you want some of those ribs or pulled pork, you have to go to Massillon Ohio (official motto: "Massillon means more!" To which SFG adds, "more than just a meadow, but not by much") or Canton Ohio to eat at one of the Old Carolina Restaurants.

Or you could come to Heinz Field on Labor Day. Get a rack of ribs and a dose of Steelers. Can't be beat, so says Spicy Food Guy.

Green Chile Festival Time at Chuy's

2008-09-09T17:22:00.001-07:00

As usual, for reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy recently hit the road and found himself in Dallas, Texas.

In the mood for a little regional southwestern fare, Spicy Food Guy saddled up to Chuy's Tex Mex, an institution of sorts in most major cities in the Longhorn State.

As luck would have it, Spicy Food Guy happened to stumble onto the Green Chile Festival at Chuy's, which tales place from late August to mid September. During the festival, the restaurant heats up the green chiles in big hand-churned roasters out back, and then offers the roasted peppers up via a special green chile menu.

Spicy Food Guy had the green chile enchiladas, which had, not surprisingly, rich chile flavor. SFG wished the green sauce had packed some more heat, but neither the menu nor the festival lent itself to complaints. Spicy Food Guy bought a t-shirt to celebrate the occasion.

To paraphrase a comedian that Spicy Food Guy once saw but cannot recall the name of for bibliography purposes, Green Chile Sauce festivals are a lot like sex. When they are good, they are really really good. And when they're bad, they're still pretty good.

Great Beef Jerky with a Hot Slow Burn

2008-08-21T17:28:00.001-07:00

One week out of every year, Spicy Food Guy makes it a point to sit in a small fishing boat every day and ponder the meaning of his life. As a rule, Spicy Food Guy's pondering is remarkably upbeat if he catches a stringer full of Walleye that will later turn into a classic Canadian fish fry.

Stringer full of fish or no, Spicy Food Guy gets hungry on the boat. And when he does, his snack of choice is Jack Link's Carne Seca Beef Jerky. Moist and chewy; great beef flavor. Jack's jalapeno jerky produces a good slow burn that hits 3 minutes after swallowing, usually prompting the first beer of the day.

Also, the folks at Jack's seem to be friendly, authentic folks who don't take themselves all that seriously. They're the ones that produced those "Sasquatch" commercials where the goofy young guys always get creamed. Jack's also has "Sasquatch" games on their website. Bonus!

Terrific New Mexican Green Chile Sauce for Homemade Huevos Rancheros

2008-08-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

Time was, if you wanted some Huevos Rancheros with honest to God New Mexican Red or Green Chile Sauce, you had to fly across the country and saddle up to a rusty diner stool in some dusty southwestern state.

That is, until Kera Fresquez and her Mom decided to introduce a line of New Mexican Chile Sauces to the unfulfilled masses. According to the website, My Favorite New Mexican Food Sauces have won about 40 different sauce awards. Spicy Food Guy is totally not surprised.

Fact is, Spicy Food Guy uses the Green Chile Sauce liberally on his fried eggs, combining the requisite tortilla and refried beans to make the perfect homemade Huevos Rancheros.

Authentic stuff, not to be missed by spicy food lovers. Just another public service announcement brought to you by Spicy Food Guy.

Besr Burger Chain in the Flyover States

2008-07-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

The East Coast has Five Guys.

The West Coast has In-n-Out.

Move over, coastline dwellers, the best burger in the land may well just dwell in some towns and cities you have only seen from your window seats during your last red-eye.

Shiver in fear, big burger chains, there is a threat from the Midwest, and it calls itself Culvers.

Suffice it to say, for reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy recently found himself in Duluth Minnesota, which has recently been named by Outside Magazine as one of the top ten "Greatest Outside Towns" in America. This is especially true if you are in the business of outdoor Popsicle preservation. Cold, it is, in Duluth. But SFG digresses.

Looking for a place to lunch in Duluth, Spicy Food Guy spotted a fast food looking place that was just flooded with cars and people. At 2:00 in the afternoon. Curiosity took over, and Spicy Food Guy elected to give it a try. Therein he found the famous Butterburger (pictured here), and a big damn secret unknown outside the Flyover States.

Culvers, founded by a visionary couple in Wisconsin, features the Butterburger as well as a host of other entrees. And a whole menu of desserts, which are fabulous in their own right.

But the burgers, by God, the burgers, they are rapturous. Served fresh, never frozen. Condiments served on the bottom of the burger so they don't leapfrog over your taste buds. To die for. Spicy Food Guy was totally unsurprised to learn that "Restaurants and Institutions" Magazine had named Culvers as the "Best Burger Chain in America" in 2007.

Burger fans, heaven awaits you in Wisconsin and several other Great Lakes States. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Best Line of Spicy Sauces Named After an NFL Quarterback

2008-06-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

And to Spicy Food Guy's extreme delight, it just happens to be the QB for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Spicy Food Guy swears the Big Ben's hot bbg sauce is right up there with any Fiery Food Festival or Scovie Award winners. It's that good. And Spicy Food Guy also uses the spicy wing sauce as his go-to first string sauce when he is grilling up some buffalo wings and buffalo burgers.

How'd this happen? Easy. Big Ben's BBQ and other sauces aren't produced by some third rate hack or even some major food manufacturer that goes soft on flavor.

Big Ben's is made by the folks at Roadside Ribs, a fabulous rib catering business in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Sadly, to Spicy Food Guy's chagrin, Roadside Ribs has no retail outlet -- you have to just get lucky and spot their grill in one of the random parking lots that Roadside sets up in during summer holidays. But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Word on the street is Ben, he of the strong arm and an alleged avid fan of BBQ, hooked up with the folks at Roadside at some cookout and a deal was quickly struck. And a portion of the sales goes to the Ronald McDonald House. So it's delicious and classy.

Can't beat it with a stick. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Best 5 Fast Food Product Innovations From the Past 44 Years

2008-05-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

The best 5? Criteria are as follows:

Only national fast food chains are eligible.
Marketing and packaging can't be the source of the product innovation. No Happy Meals.
The innovation does not count if it represents a change in the way an item is cooked or prepared. Taking something that was fried and offering it as grilled doesn't count.
The product innovation had to be developed only after the initial menu was in place.
The new item cannot have been readily available outside the fast food industry when it was first offered, so fish sandwiches and chili dogs don't count.
The item must still be on the menu.
The innovation must have been developed in Spicy Food Guy's lifetime; hence the 44 year rule.
The innovation must represent a significant and radical change in a food offering. Spicy Food Guy recognizes that he is entering a gray area here. Was the Big Mac a radical change, or just another way to dress a burger? Was the the launch of the Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Wendy's just a flavoring change to the chicken sandwich, or did it act as a catalyst that allowed the fast food industry to begin to unleash the power of hot spices? These are the huge, universe-shifting issues that Spicy Food Guy will wrestle with and ponder long after this post has been published.

And the winners, in no particular order, are:

The Dairy Queen Blizzard. The Blizzard is perhaps the unexpected surprise on the list. A frozen milkshake ice cream sort of thing with candy, yes candy, all through it. Fabulous beyond measure. Spawned a whole sub-industry in the ice cream world. Think Cold Stone Creamery. And every ice cream isle in every grocery store in America now has dozens of ice creams packed with candy. The Blizzard started it all. It commands our respect and reverence. Plus, when the folks at Dairy Queen hand it to you, they flip it upside down for a second. That, says Spicy Food Guy, is way cool.

The McDonald's Egg (or Sausage) McMuffin. Not only did the McMuffin brilliantly combine the best parts of breakfast into a sandwich, it added an entire meal to the fast food industry. Arguably, the Egg McMuffin is solely responsible for a significant change in the breakfast eating behaviors of an entire nation. Just awe inspiring. Breakfast sandwiches are available everywhere now, including in the frozen food isles at grocery stores.

The Taco Bell Double Decker Taco. Spicy Food Guy recognizes that the Double Decker Taco might be a tough sell as a top five innovation, but hear him out. The Double Decker changed the entire flavor and texture profile of the taco. Soft and Crunchy was no longer an either-or proposition; you could suddenly have both. And the refried beans added a subtle layer of additional flavor to the simple taco. Tastes absolutely fabulous. And it has lasted on a menu that seems to change every month.

The McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. Spicy Food Guy loves the simplicity of the McNugget; boneless fried chicken gone portable. Suddenly you could eat fried chicken in the car. Came in a convenient small box. Plus you could dip it in sauce without making a mess. And you didn't have to bother with greasy chicken bones. Kids went bonkers for it. Is there any family restaurant or grocery store in all of America where you can't get some version of a boneless fried chicken strip? Spicy Food Guy can't think of one either. The McNugget started it all.

Pizza Hut's Meat Lover's Pizza. Spicy Food Guy supposes that the Meat Lover's Pizza is a controversial addition to the best 5 list. After all, isn't the Meat Lover's just another way to serve pizza? Spicy Food Guy thinks not. In fact, Spicy Food Guy posits that the Meat Lover's represents the 20th century Americanization of the pizza pie. The Meat Lover's is the Porterhouse of pizza; bold, excessive, decadent, and aspirational. It is designed for people who love big taste and big meals. The Meat Lover's led to an entire line of "Lover's" pizzas at Pizza Hut, and a version of the Lover's can be found in every frozen pizza brand in grocery store freezers. The Meat Lover's has earned its top 5 billing.

So there it is. Spicy Food Guy is aware he has left significant product innovations off the list. So Spicy Food Guy challenges his readers -- what was left off that should have been included? What on the list is a sham? Let the debate begin.

Stagecoach Mustard Rocks the House

2008-05-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy is an admitted fan of Larry Kling and his Stagecoach Salsas. Fortunately for all of us, he (Larry, the Stagecoach formulator, owner, and all around very nice guy) has directed his formidable spicy culinary skills to the arena of mustards.

The result is Bubba's Jalapeno Mustard, a great addition to the Stagecoach Salsa line. Nice visual appeal; the chunks of jalapeno pepper are seen clearly through the jar.

Also, Spicy Food Guy likes that the mustard combines the light, airy tanginess of a French's type yellow mustard with the spice and burn of jalapeno peppers.

Spicy Food Guy conducted his test on a bologna and cheese sandwich, and he notes that the slow burn did not set in until after about five bites, about the perfect delay for a classic slow burn.

Trust Spicy Food Guy. Stagecoach stuff is first class and the mustard is now a permanent part of SFG's fridge.

Best Non-Red Meat Sausage for Gumbo and Other Gumbo Secrets

2008-05-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

First secret to a really good gumbo? Grill the meat ahead of time. Put some cajun spice from the Atlantic Spice Company on two chicken breasts and grill them up.

Also for the grill, some al fersco chicken sausages. Spicy Food Guy recommends two each of the roasted garlic and spicy jalapeno varieties.

Then set the meat aside.

But first an explanation. Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG) is a non-eater of red meat, but she is a gumbo lover, and a hot one at that. So Spicy Food Guy does his gumbos with veggies, poultry, and seafood. And when it comes to chicken sausages, no one beats the folks at al fresco. And Spicy Food Guy means no one.

Back to the gumbo. Set the grilled meat off to the side, and then make a roux with about 3/4 cup of veggie oil and a cup of flour. Stir the roux for the time it takes to drink two Yuenglings.

When the roux looks like a Hersheys Bar, add the holy trinity: onions (2 cups), bell pepper (1 cup mixed red and green), and celery (1 cup).

Add in about 8 to 10 cups of chicken stock, a few bay leaves, and whatever creole or cajun spices suit your fancy (a couple of tablespoons). Shake in some hot sauce. Toss in all the chicken meat and simmer for the length of time it takes to watch a Steelers game.

After the Steelers win, add in a pound of shrimp and some green onion. Simmer another 20 minutes.

And here is another huge secret: serve gumbo in a bowl around a small ball of steamed bismati rice. Bismati rice has a popcorn like sweetness that offsets the cajun spices of the gumbo.

To die for. You heard it here from Spicy Food Guy.

Best BBQ Sauce for Ribs

2008-04-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy is very particular about the type of BBQ sauce he uses on his home smoked ribs. Seven hours of hickory smoking go into Spicy Food Guy's ribs, which he turns every hour so as to apply a secret mopping sauce. Also, Spicy Food Guy uses a careful blend of commercial spices and brown sugar as his dry rub. The end result is a delicate smoky tender rack of ribs that Spicy Food Guy does NOT want to be overpowered by some chipotle-garlic-honey roasted-mesquite smoked BBQ sauce.

Enter Hogs Ass Hot Habanero BBQ Sauce. Made by the Sauce Crafters people. Hogs Ass is a former first place winner of Chile Pepper Magazine's Fiery Food Challenge. It has also won a Scovie award or two.

And Spicy Food Guy loves Hog's Ass simplicity. Starts sweet and gets hot at the perfect pace. No sneaky flavor undertones that undermine the delicate flavor of the rib. Hogs Ass seems to enhance the smoky taste of the rib, not hide or overwhelm it. And a nice full texture that lays nicely on the rib rack. Not runny.

Did Spicy Food Guy say hot? He meant really hot. A burner. Not for those guests who think Kraft Hot BBQ Sauce is hot, which it isn't. Hogs Ass ain't for no wusses and you shouldn't be wasting home smoked ribs on people who buy Kraft branded BBQ sauces.

So says Spicy Food Guy.

Celebrate! The Stagecoach Salsa Company is on the Web

2008-04-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, Spicy Food Guy extolled the hot and delicious tomatillo based Green Extreme Stagecoach Salsa and its enigmatic maker, Larry Kling.

At the time, Spicy Food Guy pronounced Green Extreme "the best salsa to mix with Velveeta". SFG also expressed his disappointment with the fact that none of the Stagecoach Salsas were available anywhere on the Internet. Spicy Food Guy urged his readers to e-mail Mr. Kling and ask him to open up a distribution channel so we could access his salsas.

So bowing to intense public pressure, or just deciding to make salsa lovers everywhere happy, Mr. Kling has gone live with Stagecoachsalsa.com.

Spicy Food Guy proudly notes that the website features a recipe featuring Velveeta, showing that Spicy Food Guy is prescient in matters of spicy culinary masterpieces.

Spicy Food Guy also notes that Stagecoach Salsa sells jerky, relishes, and what looks to be one great mustard. SFG intends to try it all. stay tuned.

A Very Thought Provoking Lunch

2008-04-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

The lunch was highly unusual for a host of reasons, among them: 1) the lunch was in Athens, Greece, and 2) the name of the place was called "God's Restaurant".

As usual, Spicy Food Guy cannot tell you why he was in Athens, Greece, as this information is best left unknown to the American public.

The reason Spicy Food Guy ate at God's Restaurant, however, was because SFG smacked his head, a hard thump, on the restaurant sign that hung from the sidewalk awning. "Is he OK?" asked the diners sitting at the sidewalk tables, "Get him some ice", "He should sit down", "What a dumbass!" OK, so Spicy Food Guy made that last one up, but it would not have surprised him had it been said.

So, with a goose-egg bump and suffering from mortal embarrassment, Spicy Food Guy allowed himself to be seated at a table next to a Canadian couple.

This is where things got complicated.

First the food. Spicy Food Guy, rather than perusing the menu, boldly asked the waiter to set him up with two of their most popular appetizers. A sort of "surprise me" bravado. The first one, a sort of fried cheese pictured here, was quite tasty, sort of crunchy on the outside and creamy on the inside.

The second appetizer, a sort of Dolmades slathered in a creamy lemon sauce (pictured below), was awful to the point where Spicy Food Guy had to gamely choke it down as his waiter watched him suspiciously.

During this culinary adventure, Spicy Food Guy noticed that the restaurant staff was noticeably gentle, friendly, and attentive with the Canadian couple, bringing them small pieces of desert, drinks, and serving these items with warm pats on the shoulder. This gentle attention was led by a restaurant employee that Spicy Food Guy labeled "Pappy". SFG pegged Pap as somewhere between 60 and 110. Hard to tell, so SFG took a picture.

Every time an attractive woman would walk past, Pap would grin at Spicy Food Guy and give him a big thumbs up. Pap also smoked, encouraged customers to do ouzo shots, and generally made a minor bother of himself. SFG liked him immediately.

But as said, Pap kept his attention focused on the Canadian couple, a man and woman in their mid fifties. They saw Spicy Food Guy looking at them curiously, so they told their story.

Three months ago, the man walked out to his driveway and discovered he could not remember how to unlock his car. A visit to the hospital revealed he had a brain tumor -- the worst kind. A "class 5 hurricane, a Katrina" was the way the man described it. He was told he had a zero chance of survival, and had 18 months to live "if everything went perfectly".

So here he was in Greece with his wife, who had roots in Athens. Spending his last 400 days or so seeing the world, and enjoying it immensely, given his cheerfulness, friendliness, and high spirits. Hard for Spicy Food Guy to reconcile, given that the man was going to leave behind a wife and four kids.

So Pap brings the man a glass of ouzo, who turns it down because it would make him dizzy. The restaurant staff immediately declares Spicy Food Guy to be the substitute drinker. The Canadian couple leaves with hugs and kisses all around, and Spicy Food Guy is left sipping his ouzo.

Sitting alone, Spicy Food Guy ponders his life and his own love for his wife and four kids. SFG ponders his mortality. SFG ponders his fortune in being able to see Athens. Spicy Food Guy ponders that he will never again drink ouzo, that tastes like liquid licorice (which SFG hates) mixed with vodka.

Silently declaring himself a wiser man, Spicy Food Guy rises, shakes the hands of Pap and his waiter, and strides away from God's Restaurant. And he hits his head on the sign, again! Same sign, same head, new goose egg! The restaurant staff is stunned at this development. Spicy Food Guy laughs at himself. There seems to be a lesson here, just out of grasp, like the meaning of life itself. Just out of grasp.

Best Twist on a Philly Cheesesteak

2008-03-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

So it's spring break week. Spicy Food Guy, Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG), Curious Stepdaughter of Spicy Food Guy (CSOSFG), and Wild Child Stepdaughter of Spicy Food Guy (WCSOSFG) load up the car with pillows, stuffed animals, ipods, and various toiletries and head off to Washington DC for a little sightseeing.

On the drive into DC, Spicy Food Guy makes the command decision (after checking with BSOSFG) to stop for lunch at the Waffle House.

Spicy Food Guy looovvves the Waffle House. He finds it authentic, gritty, real. More American, let's say, than the International House of Pancakes, which sounds sophisticated, worldly, and incredibly pretentious.

So Spicy Food Guy and party enter the Waffle House at the same time the computer goes out, the shift changes, it gets busy, or all of the above. Hard to tell. A bit chaotic, a bit confused. Kind of like Spicy Food Guy's own life, so he feels very much at home.

Spicy Food Guy orders the Texas Bacon Patty Melt, which of course he doesn't get. What he gets is the Texas Cheesesteak Melt, which is about ten times better, not to mention it represents a major step forward in innovation as it relates to the Philly Cheesesteak. Same juicy chopped steak and cheese, except rather than being served in a big old sub roll that mutes the juiciness, it comes in texas toast, which actually brings out the cheesesteak flavors in a kind of buttery goodness. Spicy Food Guy was in heaven, joined there by his hash browns that he ordered smothered and covered (onions and cheese).

CSOSFG, she of the sophisticated palette, spoke highly of the Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Wraps she ordered. Not surprising, given they disappeared within minutes. Not that Spicy Food Guy casts any judgment -- the girl knows her food. Just one of many reasons Spicy Food Guy loves her so much.

Best Burger in DC

2008-03-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

So it's the end of Day 1 of Washington DC sightseeing and Spicy Food Guy and weary family head back to their hotel near Dupont Circle.

But Spicy Food Guy's day is not over just yet. Acting on a tip from Sogoodblog.com, Spicy Food Guy is driven to try a burger from the famous Five Guys, which has won numerous awards and has been declared DC's best burger by Washingtonian Magazine every year since the Jurassic era.

Spicy Food Guy is here to say that, despite making boneheaded decisions to fight wars in wretched foreign countries, ruin the economy, and destroy the environment forever, the people of the District of Columbia know how to spot a good burger.

Spicy Food Guy ordered the Bacon Burger with all the toppings (which he now in the know orders "all the way"), and he got the girls some French Fries. Spicy Food Guy thought the burger actually exceeded his expectations, which is technically never allowed to happen on a family vacation. The burger itself reminded him very much of an In-N-Out Burger ordered animal style. Curious Stepdaughter of Spicy Food Guy (CSOSFG) declared the fries some of the best she had ever eaten. We immediately agreed that further investigation was needed, and a future trip was hastily planned.

Next trip Spicy Food Guy ordered the Cheeseburger, and each of the Stepdaughters ordered a burger as well. CSOSFG clearly enjoyed her bacon cheeseburger, but young Wild Child Stepdaughter of Spicy Food Guy (WCSOSFG) was very suspicious of a freshly prepared non-frozen patty grilled right and juicy. And no steamed bun. She is a child of the McDonalds generation, but someday she will shed her bonds.

So declares a very full Spicy Food guy.

Best Greek Restaurant in Washington DC

2008-03-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

So Spicy Food Guy and Family are getting close to the end of their DC trip, and a little weariness sets in. Lots of walking required to see stuff in DC. Lots of walking. Of course the founding fathers really didn't think of the aerobic requirements they were placing on future generations of citizens when they founded this city. Spicy Food Guy is inclined to give them a break given that they (the founding fathers) were trying very hard not to get hanged by the British.

Plus they had horses. Lucky bastards. Had Spicy Food Guy and family had a few horses, we could have really made up some time in our travels. But Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Hungry bunch, we were. And Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG) decides it's time for a cultural experience (and no more Five Guys) and steers us to Zorba's Cafe for some Greek food. That decision alone, decides Spicy Food Guy, is reason to have married BSOSFG. That plus she's hot. But again Spicy Food Guy digresses.

Washingtonian Magazine declares Zorba's one of the best bargains in DC. Washingtonian is spot on. Spicy Food Guy and Family ate heartily for about seventy bucks, and it would have been less had not the friendly folks at Zorba's randomly added a grilled chicken salad and a plate of olives to our order. The folks at Zorba's might indeed offer a bargain, but they could use some work on their organizational skills.

In any case, Spicy Food Guy ordered the Combination Plate, which he was told is the most popular item on the menu. The kefte and slices of yeros were first rate, but Spicy Food Guy most enjoyed the creamy homemade hummus. BSOSFG loved the flavor in her chicken shish kabobs, but by far and away the Spanakopitta was the biggest hit. Spinach and feta in a flaky pastry, it was melt-in-your-mouth delicious. Only the Delmades fell flat, all of us a bit unfamiliar with the pickled grape leaves.

Zorba's Cafe in Dupont Circle. You heard it here from Spicy Food Guy.

A Really Great Diner in Woonsocket

2008-03-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

For reasons best left unknown to the American public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Woonsocket, Rhode Island this week. The town motto of Woonsocket is "A city on the move," to which Spicy Food Guy would add "but not exactly in a big damn hurry".

Nice place, Woonsocket. According to knowledgeable sources, Woonsocket comes from a Native American word for "thunder mist", a reference to the waterfall in the center of town. Also, Woonsocket is almost 50% French-Canadian, which is very cool with Spicy Food Guy, who is a major fan of Canada.

Anyway, one morning for breakfast, Colleague Friend of Spicy Food Guy (CFOSFG) suggested Patriots Diner, a classic chrome and aluminum trailer style diner. Spicy Food Guy would show it to you, but it turns out the millions of people who have posted pictures on Flickr and Google have never thought to snap a photo of the old Patriots Diner.

Too bad, really, because Patriots Diner is a classic comfort food diner (open 24 hours on Friday and Saturday) serving terrific food at great prices. Spicy Food Guy ordered the breakfast sandwich: two fried eggs, bacon, and cheese on whole wheat toast, at the steep price of $5.50. When served, the dish actually arrived as two open faced bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches, which secretly delighted Spicy Food Guy. SFG then slathered some Tobasco on the top of each sandwich and snarfed it all up, possibly inhaling much of it. Spicy Food Guy's side of corned beef hash was nice and filling as well.

Spicy Food Guy had a great experience at Patriots Diner and his appetite has been whetted to see more of Woonsocket. He plans on returning.

The Best Bobby Flay Restaurant

2008-03-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Spicy Food Guy loves to make fun of Manhattan, but Lord knows he loves to eat there.

For the past 10 years, one of Spicy Food Guy's favorite haunts has been the Mesa Grill, Bobby Flay's restaurant located near the corner of 5th Avenue and 16th Street.

Before Bobby Flay became "the" Bobby Flay, everybody loved Mesa Grill. Nowadays, it always seems to get bad reviews for not meeting expectations; as if every diner expects to get a culinary experience similar to being a judge on Iron Chef America.

Spicy Food Guy doesn't get why everyone is in a huff. Spicy Food Guy has had nothing but fantastic meals at Mesa Grill, and he has eaten there dozens of times.

The Goat Cheese Queso Fundido, with its creamy and full flavored dipping cheese topped with roasted chilies and served with blue tortilla chips, is one of Spicy Food Guy's favorite appetizers of all time -- from anywhere. And the Blue Corn Pancake with barbecued duck and habanero chile sauce is scrumptious, spicy, and melt-in-your-mouth tender. For lunch (which is when Spicy Food Guy usually eats there) try the grilled Mahi Mahi Tacos with the lemon-habanero sauce.

Spicy Food Guy is no supporter of fancy pissy overpaid chefs who are full of themselves. Bobby Flay is not one of them and his southwestern style food is damn good. So says Spicy Food Guy.

A Fabulous BBQ Sauce and the One Way to Order It

2008-03-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy discovered 3 A.M. Bobby Que Chipotle Sauce at Zestfest 2007.

Actually, the Bobby Que Sauce sat around for a while with the 50 or so other sauces, salsas, and spices that Spicy Food Guy shipped home from Dallas, Texas.

Once opened, the 3 A.M. Bobby Cue Chipotle Sauce quickly rose to the top of the elite few BBQ sauces Spicy Food Guy identifies as "his favorites." The 3 A.M. is not so much spicy as flavorful in a smoky and tangy kind of way. Spicy Food Guy loves the dark flecks of chipotle peppers that float around inside the bottle. For a first class culinary expeience. slather Bobby Que on leftover roasted chicken stacked between a toasted bun. Eat at the kitchen counter while reading the comics. Trust Spicy Food Guy when he says it doesn't get much better than this.

Bobby Davis, the presumed creator and owner of Bobby Que, has won himself a couple of awards. The 3 A.M. Chipotle won 3rd place in the American Style BBQ Sauce division of the Scovie Awards. The 4 A.M. Cipotle Sauce, which can't be found even on the BobbyQueProducts website order form, placed 2nd in the Chipotle BBQ Sauce Division.

As far as Spicy Food Guy has been able to determine, printing out the order form on-line and mailing a check to Mr. Davis is the only way to acquire a few bottles of Bobby Que. And the 4 A.M may not be available at all. This is a shame. Write to Mr. Davis at bobbyqsauce@yahoo.com and encourage him to widen his distribution.

Years from now Bobby Que will readily be found on the shelves at Wal-Mart. Prescient is Spicy Food Guy.

The Best Cajun Restaurant in Downtown Orlando

2008-02-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

For reasons best left unknown to the American Public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Orlando, Florida last week.

"I know," Spicy Food Guy declared to none-too-bright colleagues of Spicy Food Guy (NTBCOSFG) one warm delightful evening, "let's go find a hole in the wall cajun tavern where we will sit on stools, munch on tater tots covered in hot wing sauce, drink beer, and step over scary homeless people sleeping in the public bathrooms!"

NTBOCOSFG, not bright by definition, readily agreed.

So off Spicy Food Guy and friends went to the Crooked Bayou. The tater tots in spicy wing sauce? First class. The fried pickles in spicy honey mustard sauce? Even better. Because Spicy Food Guy took a large party with him, it took a while to get everybody drinks. And some of the more, shall we say, refined and cultured members of NTBOCOSFG never did look very comfortable, hunched over their stools as they were.

Spicy Food Guy loved it.
.

As an entree, the spicy catfish was decent, not great. Fun Friend of Spicy Food Guy (FFOSFG) got the rajun' cajun poboy, which was tasty and tangy and was slathered in a signature creole mustard that made Spicy Food Guy wish he had ordered one of the poboys.

All in all, good eats, good company, scary bathrooms. Two out of three ain't bad.

Best Salty Snack of All Time

2008-02-10T09:50:00.001-08:00

Proudly does Spicy Food Guy declare Bugles the best salty snack of all time.

In an era where items like sourdough pretzels and baked garlic pita chips have ascended to the upper stratosphere of style and fashion, the Bugle will not be condescended to.

Long since booted out of the kicky red box (remember rooting your hand around the bottom of that thing?), Bugles can still be found on store shelves, albeit boxless and usually relegated to the lower left hand corner of the snack isle. God forbid Bugles should encroach on the turf of hundreds of bags of Tortilla chips. Not that Spicy Food Guy is bitter.

Spicy Food Guy is enamoured with the light airy cruch of the Bugle. And how cool are the ridges? But best of all, of course, is that the Bugle is the only salty snack you can put on the tip of every finger, rendering your hand a decent replica of the Wicked Witch of the West. Then, of course, you are required to point at your Sister and cackle "I'm going to get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Giggle and snark up the Bugles while your sister calls you immature.

Truth be told, you just can't get that type of quality experience with another salty snack. Bugles rule. So says Spicy Food Guy.

Best Chili Cheese Fast Food Item

2008-02-09T15:49:00.000-08:00

Several months ago, Spicy Food Guy mourned the demise of the Taco Bell Chilito. The flour tortilla, the chili, the cheese; all combine for the optimal fast food palette experience. And it was lost to us. Gone forever.

Enter Sonic Drive In and the Frito Chili Cheese Wrap. Not only are all components of the Chilito replicated, but the visionary chefs of Sonic have recognized the need to add a "crunch" experience to softness of the tortilla, chili, and cheese. Spicy Food Guy is keenly aware of the public lack of appreciation given to this step change in culinary brilliance. Spicy Food Guy can only bow low to the developers of this ingenious wrap.

There are other reasons to clebrate the Sonic menu. Curious Stepdaughter of Spicy Food Guy (CSOSFG), she of the sophisticated palette, rightly champions the merits of the Sonic extra-long chili cheese coney. Spicy Food Guy applauds his stepdaugter's acute sense of chili dog greatness. And while the Sonic coney holds no candle to the Skyline Coney or the Varsity Chili Dog, it is a damn good chili dog served by a national chain.

Spicy Food Guy, who is a former member of the American Armed Services, knows when a salute is merited. Consider this a smartly thrown salute to the great folks at Sonic.

A Terrific Cajun Spice in New England (Really)

2008-01-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy has purchased dozens of cajun spices over the years, most of them with cool names like "Crazy Cajun Killer Rub" with a graphic showing a swamp, crayfish, gator, or all three. Made in Louisiana and hot and tasty as all get out. Great on fish, chicken, and pork chops.

So imagine Spicy Food Guy's surprise at finding one of the best cajun spices he has ever tasted at the Atlantic Spice Company in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

A couple of caveats. First, it's really not fair that New England has a really good cajun spice. They already have the Championship Red Sox, the Championship Patriots, and the best lobster rolls you can get in the continental United States.

Secondly, Cape Cod is a cool place to take kids. One day, when Spicy Food Guy took Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) and Loud Only Son of Spicy Food Guy (LOOSOSFG) on a whale watching trip, we saw a basking shark up close. It was the most bizarre animal Spicy Food Guy has ever seen in the wild; you could stuff an oil barrel in its open mouth, and still have room to add a couple of presidential candidates. We're talking one big mouth. To date, the basking shark is the only thing seen anywhere that has rendered LOOSOSFG absolutely silent.

Anyway, one rainy day in Cape Cod Loving Mother of Spicy Food Guy (LMOSFG) talked him into a trip to the Atlantic Spice Company, where Spicy Food Guy bought a small jar of cajun spice. Months later, Spicy Food Guy ordered a couple of pounds of the same spice, put it in a big oversized jar and placed it in a position of honor in the pantry. Later, one of the kids cut a picture of the word "hot" out of a magazine and taped it to the jar.

No lie there. The Atlantic Spice Company cajun spice is very hot, and very, very flavorful. Spicy Food Guy especially loves it on fish, shrimp, gumbo, and grilled vegetables. Great stuff. The Atlantic Spice Company makes spices for a living. They nailed the hell out of this one.

Best Cajun Restaurant Not Technically in Louisiana

2008-01-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

There are three really excellent reasons to love Mara's Homemade in Manhattan (342 E 6th St).

One, Mara hovers.

She waits tables, she chats up the guests, she asks pointed questions. Spicy Food Guy was not even slightly surprised to find out Mara is the Mother of 4 kids. She has that aura.

Second, the food is a fabulous combination of Cajun, BBQ, and Southern Comfort foods. Spicy Food Guy especially enjoys the crawfish boil, the crab fingers, the mac & cheese, and the lobster roll. Though the restaurant has won a gazillion awards and has been featured on "Roker and the Road", New Yorkers seem to go out of their way to keep it a big secret from everyone and each other. The Amateur Gourmet admits as much.

Finally, the ambiance of Mara's is reminiscent of a small town bar bar and grill. Wooden chairs and tables, low lights, dishes all over the table. Feels like a place to gossip, to cast judgment on the arrogant and self-righteous. "You know James, that pompous VP of Communications? His wife ran off on him for a wrangler. Serves his ass right for always hitting on the administrative assistants."

As Alice Roosevelt once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say about anyone, come sit right next to me." Spicy Food Guy posits that ol' Alice would have enjoyed Mara's Homemade.

Best Wet Burrito in an Unexpected Place

2008-01-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

For reasons best left unexplained to the general public, Spicy Food Guy found himself in Grand Rapids, Michigan this past week.

A culinary mystery, that Grand Rapids. Two Mexican cafes or restaurants per block, all promoting their burritos. Makes no sense whatsoever. It'd be like being in some random small town in Mexico and discovering authentic Philly Cheese Steak establishments on every corner. That being said, Spicy Food Guy delighted in the murky mystery that led to this peculiar juxtaposition of ethnic food preferences. Sometimes, we just don't know how it happened. Grand Rapids. A love for Burritos. Black holes. Dark matter. There is much we do not understand.

The wet burrito was also a new concept for Spicy Food Guy. Technically, a wet burrito is a standard burrito slathered in melted cheese and red Chile sauce. Who'da guessed? Then, Former Grand Rapids Resident Friend of Spicy Food Guy (FGRRFOSFG), discovering that SFG was on his way to Michigan, begged, pleaded, and cajoled SFG into trying a wet burrito at the location where they call their wet burritos "famous", the Beltline Bar.

Spicy Food Guy loved his famous wet burrito at the Beltline Bar. Mexican authentic, no. Distinctly Midwest American Mexican, yes. That's what makes it scrumptious. Ground beef, not shredded beef. No rice to be found. Lettuce and tomato and onions inside the burrito, not served on the side. Melted cheese outside the burrito. Fattening as all get out. Worth the trip. Spicy Food Guy is filled and content.

Best Blend of Hot Sauce and BBQ Sauce

2008-01-02T17:02:00.000-08:00

A good way's back, Spicy Food Guy had a business trip that took him to the Green Valley Ranch Resort and Casino outside Las Vegas. Incidentally, Spicy Food Guy notices that every time he travels to Vegas for a business meeting, none of his colleagues ever admits to having lost money at the casino. Everybody has either "broken even" or is "up a little bit." Spicy Food Guy, who could not flush his cash down the toilet any faster than he loses it at the Blackjack table, is very, very suspicious.

So one afternoon, after Spicy Food Guy had hurriedly given the dealer at the Blackjack Table several hundred dollars, he dejectedly meandered just outside the Green Valley grounds. Behold, Spicy Food Guy's good luck reappeared in the form of Lucille's Smokehouse BBQ. Lucille's is an authentic real deal hickory smokehouse and both the food and the people are first rate. Spicy Food Guy especially recommends the ribs.

The real find, though, was not the food, but what Lucille's calls "non traditional" hot sauce. Smokin' sauce, according to the label. To Spicy Food Guy, it tastes like a habanero hot sauce with some chipotle bbq sauce and some red peppers and onions thrown in. Simply outstanding. Spicy Food Guy now uses it on his own smoked ribs.

When Spicy Food Guy bought two bottles to take home, the folks at Lucille's warned him that if the bottles got too warm, they would explode. Spicy Food Guy was not sure if the folks at Lucille's were pulling his leg, but he took no chances. Spicy Food Guy took two Budweiser's out of his mini bar and stashed the Lucille's Smokin Sauce there for the balance of the trip.

So get yourself some Lucille's. A great, different kind of hot sauce.

Yes, Spicy Food Guy drank the two beers. Twelve bucks.

Best Peanut Butter Cream Pie You Ever Tasted

2008-01-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

So last summer Intellectual Eldest Daughter of Spicy Food Guy (IEDOSFG) packs it off to Penn State for about a week of broadcast journalism camp. A bucket of fun, that broadcast journalism camp. Sometimes Spicy Food Guy is unsettled about what, exactly, goes on inside the head of IEDOSFG. But off to camp she goes as this is what she wants. OK.

So anyway, Spicy Food Guy is charged with the task of bringing her back home after the camp is over. Spicy Food Guy gets a little distressed from wandering around aimlessly on the Penn State campus unable to locate IEDOSFG, and IEDOSFG is in great distress because a camp friend dropped IEDOSFG's digital camera and broke it all to hell. Needless to say, on the car trip home, tensions ran high.

Right up until Blairsville, PA (rhymes with Nowheresville, PA), where Spicy Food Guy spotted Dean's Diner. Known for their pies. Sign says "Homemade Pies". No lies here. The diner food was average. The pies, and there must have been 10 different types sitting in two very big refrigerators, were pastry perfect. SFG and IEDOSFG had the Peanut Butter Cream Pie. The filling was neither too light nor too heavy. Perfect peanut butter filling. The crust was crumbly and delicious. Slices were big.

Spicy Food Guy took two pieces home, and IEDOSFG learned a thing or two about diner pies, and also diners. Back on the road, the tension was gone, the conversation was stimulating, and the company just couldn't be beat.

Best Fast Food Burger In the USA

2007-12-29T18:06:00.001-08:00

Spicy Food Guy was already jealous of the folks on the west coast, given that they have days of endless sunshine, the Pacific Ocean, movie starlets, and mobile fish taco stands.

They also have a secret, called the In-N-Out Burger, that is unavailable to those of us in the Central and Eastern time zones.

A regional favorite, the In-N-Out Burger is a juicy, flavorful, and luscious burger that makes the folks at McDonald's and Wendy's seem like rank amateurs. Kid you not, one lunch hour in LA, Spicy Food Guy watched hundreds of customers, in a line twenty-some deep, ordering 2X2s and 3x3s like there was no tomorrow (and we are talking LA here, so the whole no tomorrow thing may be right).

And it gets better. In-N-Out has a secret menu that allows a major league burger upgrade. Spicy Food Guy orders his 2x2 animal style, and the grilled onions make all the difference. If you are forced to travel to California, the In-N-Out is a must do.

Best Way To Improve Lamb Vindaloo

2007-12-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

When Spicy Food Guy goes out for a curry, he invariably orders Lamb Vindaloo. Vindaloo, which is a Portuguese word for "wine, vinegar, and garlic", is almost always the spiciest thing found on an Indian Restaurant menu.

A strongly flavored and very spicy dish, vindallo has a strong taste of garlic, cumin, mustard, turmeric, and chiles. And lamb has the right amount of gamy flavor to really complement the spice. Note that in a pinch, Spicy Food Guy has substituted venison for the lamb, with terrific results.

The problem? Lamb Vindaloo is served as big chunks of lamb, big chunks of potatoes, and sauce. That's it. Early on in his Indian culinary adventures, Spicy Food Guy surmised that something important was missing: crunch!

So taking a lesson from his favorite Chinese dish, Kung Pao Chicken, Spicy Food Guy decided he could vastly improve his homemade Lamb Vindaloo by adding some peanuts. Bingo! The crunch of the peanuts was the perfect offset to the tender lamb and soft potatoes.

Taking the Westernized Chinese Indian fusion a step further, Spicy Food Guy cut the lamb into smaller bite size chunks, as opposed to the larger cuts of lamb usually served in Indian Restaurants. He also added some diced green and red bell peppers, and, what the hell, some dried chick peas.

The result is the spiciest curry you have ever had with all the benefits and culinary experience of chinese takeout. Some people look at highly spiced foods and say "why?" Spicy Food Guy looks at spicy foods that never were and says "Why not?"

Best Salsa To Mix With Velveeta

2007-12-06T18:24:00.001-08:00

Spicy Food Guy ran into Lawrence Kling and his Stagecoach Salsa Company at Zestfest 2007.

Lawrence is a very well mannered older gentleman who makes two types of salsas: 1) Mild, which is tomato based, and 2) Green Extreme, which is tomatillo based.

The guys at Fire Dawg Salsa Blog don't care too much for the Mild version, pointing out that the salsa is a little bit too, well, mild. Catch on quick, they do, those guys at Fire Dawg.

Kids of Spicy Food Guy loved the Mild, making it a nice family salsa. Green Extreme is about 20 times as spicy, and Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG) claims it clears out her sinuses from across the kitchen. Spicy Food Guy loves the tomatillo taste, and managed to snap this quick picture of his one sort-of-gross-almost-eaten jar before he snarfed it all up.

And while pretentious foody types would shudder at the notion of mixing a first class salsa with Velveeta, Spicy Food Guy is here to tell you that three heaping tablespoons of Green extreme mixed with some melted Velveeta makes for one of the most spicy and flavorful NFL Game Day dips ever to debut on a Sunday afternoon. Folks at Kraft, take note; Spicy Food Guy has found a winner.

The issue? Stagecoach Salsa is not available in any major retailers, or anywhere on the internet that Spicy Food Guy can find. The Stagecoach Salsa Company does not even have a website. Mr. Kling does have a business card, however, and lists his e-mail address as Salsamaker1@swbell.net. Encourage Mr. Kling. Write to him and ask him nicely to make his Salsas available on the web and that by doing so, he can make the world a better (and tastier) place.

Best BBQ Sauce for Leftover Turkey

2007-11-23T16:12:00.001-08:00

Spicy Food Guy is unafraid to state the truth -- the Thanksgiving Turkey is overrated. Sure it looks pretty, all bronzed and bountiful centered in the middle of the dining room table, but Spicy Food Guy is a realist. No matter how well prepared, a turkey can't run with the big dogs. It's not marbled, it really doesn't have a whole lot of flavor. Hell, it doesn't even taste like chicken.

Not everyone agrees. Yesterday, when Spicy Food Guy was examining his hot sauce and BBQ sauce collection for something to take to his Mother-In-Law's Thanksgiving feast, he was busted by Beautiful Spouse of Spicy Food Guy (BSOSFG). "You will insult my Mother's cooking," she fairly spat, eyes like lasers, "if you put one of your sauces on Mom's turkey."

Spicy Food Guy tried the old "bbq sauce has less cholesterol than gravy" angle, but to no avail.

Fridays, though, are about leftovers. And when you shred up some leftover turkey to make a sandwich, your best bet to make it spectacular is Texas Longhorn Smokey Chipotle Barbeque sauce. A 1st place Chile Pepper Magazine winner, the Longhorn sauce is one of the most flavorful and spicy bbq sauces Spicy Food Guy has ever tasted. Longhorn is almost too flavorful for ribs and pulled pork, which after extended smoking have a delicate flavor that should not be overpowered. For turkey, however, the Longhorn is exactly what the doctor ordered. Longhorn adds enough flavor to boring and bland turkey breast so that you may actually be fooled into thinking, "damn that turkey is good!"

Eat up now

Best Hot Sauce to Add to Chili

2007-11-17T11:03:00.001-08:00

That's right -- it's a mustard.

A couple of years ago, Spicy Food Guy had a revelation. If the best chili cheese dogs always have mustard on them, couldn't chili itself be improved by the addition of spicy mustard?

Indeed it could.

The search for the appropriate mustard, however, took much longer. For awhile, Spicy Food Guy used the world renowned Gladys's mustard out of St. Thomas. Spicy Food Guy was turned onto Gladys by the people at Passionate Food. Gladys's mustard, while perfect for the ham and cheese sandwich, somehow did not connect perfectly with a bowl of steaming chili.

Enter Crazy Mother Pucker's Maniacal Mustard. The Crazy Mother Pucker hot sauce line has won five Golden Chile awards over the years, and the Fire Roasted Fusion Hot Sauce is one of Spicy Food Guy's hot sauce staples.

The Maniac, which has a more fiery flavor than Gladys's, adds a district mustard zest to chili that gives the overall palette a tangier and more robust flavor experience. For you Sales Guys out there, that means the chili tastes better.

Someday, when mustard in chili is a common practice, you can say "I've been doing that for years." Just Spicy Food Guy's way of making the world a little bit better place.

Best Mustard for Egg-Rolls

2007-11-16T14:16:00.000-08:00

Recently, Sales Guy Friend of Spicy Food Guy (SGFOSFG) took two or three minutes off his busy Tuesday on the golf course to introduce Spicy Food Guy to Millers Mustard. "Try this," SGFOSFG suggested, "It's made by a friend of mine. It has a unique taste."

No lies from SGFOSFG. Miller's does indeed have a unique taste. Goes from extreme sweet to extreme heat. A very wide bandwidth of flavor.

The flavor reminded Spicy Food Guy of when he mixes the duck sauce and hot mustard from Chinese take-out to make the perfect condiment for egg-rolls (does anyone else do this?). With this inspiration, Spicy Food Guy waited until his next egg-roll encounter and brought out the Millers. Not that Spicy Food Guy likes to brag, but the fit was spot-on perfect. Millers also passes the classic ham and cheese sandwich litmus test.

Miller's is a unique Western Pennsylvania regional mustard, and according to all reports, Miller is a nice guy. Encourage him. Go get you some Miller's.

Best Diner in Center City (Philadelphia)

2007-11-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

Spicy Food Guy is a huge fan of the city of brotherly love.

And not just because of the cheese steaks, which merit their own post.

One year, when Spicy Food Guy was running the Philly Half Marathon , it was pouring rain to beat the band. Spicy Food Guy's hotel, the Center City Embassy Suites, passed out hundreds of garbage bags (make shift rain-gear) at no charge to all comers. People poured into the lobby, and the hotel was nothing but supportive. You have to love a hotel that goes out of its way to be helpful, especially when that involves people who are not paying customers.

But if you are in Philly and have Breakfast on your mind, there really is really only one destination diner. Head over to the Midtown Diner. Classic and outstanding diner breakfast. Cooked by a real short-order cook who knows how to do eggs on the griddle.

The last time Spicy Food Guy was there, while seated at the counter, his food server sang the entire time. Loudly. Aretha Franklin's "RESPECT". Spicy Food Guy is no fool. Consider it one of the few SFG motto's -- "If your diner breakfast waitress is in the mood to sing her ass off at 7:30 in the morning, let her have at it. " Spicy Food Guy spotted a fellow diner two stools down and we gave each other the nod.

Let her sing, baby. Let her sing.

Best Rib Rub You Can Buy On the Internet

2007-11-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

As Spicy Food Guy sees the world, one can either spend several dozens of dollars on paprika, brown sugar, chili pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and other secret spices; then spend several dozen hours configuring the correct mixtures to proclaim that one has formulated one of the world's best rib rubs (of which there are thousands), OR, you can buy a really really good one off the internet for five bucks.

To Spicy Food Guy, who is busy smoking ribs while simultaneously: 1) is immersing himself in the decisions of whom to bench and whom to start on his fantasy football team, 2) is trying to either participate in or referee a game of "Capture the Flag" with very loud children, 3) is attempting to open and close the smoker while keeping Large Dog of Spicy Food Guy (LDOSFG) from licking the dripping fat off the patio, the choice is simple -- Bone Suckin Sauce Seasoning and Rub.

Formerly known as Bone Suckin Sauce Rib Rub, the renamed rub (presumably so that it crosses over to chickens and other non-pork staples) is a spicy, tasty, and fabulous rub. A terrific combination of heat and tang and sweetness. While Spicy Food Guy understands the broader "seasoning" appeal of the current brand, he is somewhat disheartened that the Bone Suckin' people would depart from this rub's core essence, which is all about ribs, dammit.

Like any good rub, you'll want to really coat both sides of the ribs before smoking. After rubbing, do not forget to put the ribs back in the fridge for a couple of hours to let that flavor sink in.

By the way, the Children of Spicy Food Guy think that Bone Suckin Rub is too spicy for their tastes, so Spicy Food Guy uses Sutton's Bay Hog's Tale Rub, which seems to have less chili powder and more brown sugar. Or, for the truly spice averse, just use pure brown sugar.

Eat 'em up!

The Best Garlic Spice Ever Invented

2007-11-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

A request was recently made, from one of Spicy Food Guy's two regular readers, to provide links to outstanding spices. Spicy Food Guy is only too happy to provide the first link of many.

Pictured here is perhaps the finest garlic spice ever invented. While not exactly spicy, the mixture of garlic and herbs seems to go well with a number of Spicy Food Guy's favorites. He sprinkles it liberally on fish (tilapia, in particular) which he wraps in foil and cooks on the grill. Spicy Food Guy uses it as a rub on beer-can chicken. Any pasta begs for the Garli Garni. Another option -- cut up some zucchini, onions, peppers, and mushrooms. Add some Garli Garni. Saute or grill. Results are fantabulous.

Real story. Spicy Food Guy bought the little bottle (pictured above) at, of all things, a home and garden expo that had a few food booths. SFG bought the 2.5 oz bottle. Gone in 8 months. The next year, same home expo, Spicy Food Guy bought the 14 oz big-ass plastic offering. Half gone now. Spicy Food Guy reckons that next year, what the hell, he'll just buy a case.

Eat up now.